swearclock ⌚︎
@swearclock.bsky.social
Throw away your watches - they are obsolete. A bot by Rob Manuel. Add your suggestions here: bit.ly/swearclockform
Theresa May's Orgasm Face It's 8:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 8:00 AM
Theresa May's Orgasm Face It's 8:00AM
Fill A Whoopee Cushon With Spunk And Have Your Dad Sit On It It's 7:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 7:00 AM
Fill A Whoopee Cushon With Spunk And Have Your Dad Sit On It It's 7:00AM
Anal Covid Tests Now In A Shepherd's Bush It's 6:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 6:00 AM
Anal Covid Tests Now In A Shepherd's Bush It's 6:00AM
Put On A Soviet Uniform And Occupy My Eastern European Hole It's 5:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 5:00 AM
Put On A Soviet Uniform And Occupy My Eastern European Hole It's 5:00AM
It's Cunt O'Clock, But Really It's 4:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 4:00 AM
It's Cunt O'Clock, But Really It's 4:00AM
Stop Reading Twitter And Do Something Useful You Fucking Prick It's 3:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Stop Reading Twitter And Do Something Useful You Fucking Prick It's 3:00AM
Not Showered In A While And My Nob's Gone A Bit Sticky And Red. It's 2:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 2:00 AM
Not Showered In A While And My Nob's Gone A Bit Sticky And Red. It's 2:00AM
Jizz Biscuits It's 1:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Jizz Biscuits It's 1:00AM
Well Slap My Custardy Flange With A Banana Skin It's 12:00AM
January 17, 2026 at 12:00 AM
Well Slap My Custardy Flange With A Banana Skin It's 12:00AM
Make A Cheese And Pineapple Hedgehog Out Of Your Bellend And Invite The Borrowers Round For Tea It's 11:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 11:00 PM
Make A Cheese And Pineapple Hedgehog Out Of Your Bellend And Invite The Borrowers Round For Tea It's 11:00PM
Shag Me With A Hard Brexit It's 10:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Shag Me With A Hard Brexit It's 10:00PM
Fuck The Union! It's 9:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Fuck The Union! It's 9:00PM
Fax Ed Sheeran A Jpeg Of Your Left Nipple It's 8:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Fax Ed Sheeran A Jpeg Of Your Left Nipple It's 8:00PM
You're About As Fucking Interesting As Harry Kane At A Coldplay Gig It's 7:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 7:00 PM
You're About As Fucking Interesting As Harry Kane At A Coldplay Gig It's 7:00PM
The Fucking Brits Are At It Again It's 6:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 6:00 PM
The Fucking Brits Are At It Again It's 6:00PM
I've Shat Myself. It's 5:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 5:00 PM
I've Shat Myself. It's 5:00PM
Bugger Me Gently With A Stick Of Blackpool Rock It's 4:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Bugger Me Gently With A Stick Of Blackpool Rock It's 4:00PM
Only Fools And Horses Is Fucking Rubbish It's 3:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Only Fools And Horses Is Fucking Rubbish It's 3:00PM
Massage Your Semen Into Toby Young's Bald Pate And Call It Eugenics. It's 2:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 2:00 PM
Massage Your Semen Into Toby Young's Bald Pate And Call It Eugenics. It's 2:00PM
You Are Weird And Take Baths In John Major's House It's 1:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 1:00 PM
You Are Weird And Take Baths In John Major's House It's 1:00PM
Polish My Bellend With A Toothbrush It's 12:00PM
January 16, 2026 at 12:00 PM
Polish My Bellend With A Toothbrush It's 12:00PM
Yer Nan's Baps Taste Like Pork Dripping It's 11:00AM
January 16, 2026 at 11:00 AM
Yer Nan's Baps Taste Like Pork Dripping It's 11:00AM
Muffle Your Minge With Marzipan It's 10:00AM
January 16, 2026 at 10:00 AM
Muffle Your Minge With Marzipan It's 10:00AM
Well Rip Out My Anal Beads It's 9:00AM
January 16, 2026 at 9:00 AM
Well Rip Out My Anal Beads It's 9:00AM
Tory Bellend It's 8:00AM
January 16, 2026 at 8:00 AM
Tory Bellend It's 8:00AM