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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee

@tikitrocious.bsky.social

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A fictional host, for a show that never airs, playing B-movies that don't exist, on a station that's never named. Curated by @SurlyByDefault. Also @Tikitrocious on Mastodon.Social. https://linktr.ee/christopher.fischer [Twitter/X Locked Jan 2025]

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · Mar 7

The text, burned into a weathered plank reads:

Baron Retired.

Reruns until the station gets tired of them.

Thanks for all the years we shared.

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 17h

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! An agent for Pope Innocent II witnesses firsthand the terror of the crossbow, so while he secretly stockpiles the weapons, he convinces his Holiness to outlaw them. Both plans backfire spectacularly in 1966’s “Too Terrible To Use.”

A crossbow and an oil lamp sit on a table in a stone-lined cellar. The title reads "Too Terrible to Use."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 17h

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! This jukebox musical celebrates the music of 1970, as well as the new-found freedom of expression that occurs when ordinary people could take the music of their choice with them anywhere. It's 2002's “8 Track Fever.”

A series of pastel-colored and unmarked 8 track cassettes and the title, spread across three of them, "8 Track Fever."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 1d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! In danger of losing her family home, Doris leases the third floor to the over-crowded orphanage. Street-savvy “momentarily an orphan” Trevor teaches her how to hustle and budget in 1978’s “Penniless and Promising.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 1d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! The talking car from the future travels to both the early 1900s and late 1980s to stop the electric car, before a nuclear power disaster in 1992 dooms Massachusetts. See 1989's “The Alternator 2: Full Tank.”

A deliberately convoluted diagram showing the connections between the seven "The Alternator" movies. While accurate, useless.

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 2d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! A desperate company rehires the top research team two decades later. As they race against a critical deadline their contrasting attitudes, skills, and efforts to identify the saboteur among them complicate “Project Sydyk (1997).”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 2d

Noon on Baron Tikitrocious' Weekend Tikipeats! The survivor has nightmares of the Galapagos, so returns with an unstable sea captain. A ruthless cosmetics company has somehow captured the psychic reptile, and the world depends on finding it a mate in 1977's “Mental Tortoise 2.”

Limited color poster of a tortoise with the concentric circles radiating from its skull that denote mental powers, and a clutch of eggs. The text reads "Only the quickest survivor can save the slowest killer. Mental Tortoise 2."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 3d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! Mistakenly found guilty, a clown is sentenced to life at ‘Club Fed.’ It’s a dangerous combination as white collar criminals teach her complex financial crime and she teaches them clowning in 2003’s “Minimum Security Circus.”

A lady clown stands near a rusted chain-link fence. In the background is a permanent circus structure. The title reads "Minimum Security Circus."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 3d

Noon on Baron Tikitrocious' Weekend Tikipeats! A neurotic woman from Toronto moves to Nashville to pen country songs. She inflates everyday inconveniences into hardship-and-woe anthems, causing a hit writer to go wild with envy, in 2002’s “Wishing You Well—Way Over There.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 4d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! Gangs tear apart Baton Rouge. The factions break one inviolate rule: never disturb the peace within a block of the Vodou priestesses’ boarding house. She recruits the residents to restore peace in “Don’t Wake Mama Aurélie (1971).”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 4d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! This adaptation of the trippy 1962 musical imagines opium-using Samuel Taylor Coleridge possessing a mysterious cabinet with drugs to stimulate any mood or imagining the partaker desires. It's 1973's “the Apothecary of the Lake.”

A trippy image of Coleridge (tripled in place) standing in front of a period-appropriate massive drug cabinet. The title reads "The Apothecary of the Lake."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 5d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! The law constrains punishment to fifty lashes. The Commandant of the colony, Captain Patrick Logan, built schools, founded hospitals, and inspired loathing. The musical adaptation of Dilthey’s “150 Lashes (2009)” spares no strokes.

A landscape sketch of an early Brisbane and the portrait of Captain Partrick Logan, British army. The title reads "150 Lashes."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 5d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! At an exclusive Florida Keys girls school, an orca with a glandular problem terrorizes the students. The Hall Monitor, the Geeky Science Enthusiast, and the Quiet Outdoor Girl team up to protect them in 1995's “Jowls.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 6d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! The monsters of the Chicago sewers kidnap the project engineer responsible for their rehabilitation. Soon they’re cooperating to keep the monsters safe until a populist councilman jeopardizes it all in 1976’s “The First City.”

A giant blue glowing oyster in old city sewers. The title reads "The Frst City."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 6d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! In this resetting of “Yojimbo,” a wily transfer student to the Catholic Girls H.S. finds two cliques ruining the school years of hundreds of students. Her solution isn't peace, it's all out war in 2001's “Yo! Jane Doe!”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 7d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! A Taiwanese manufacturer discovers his Italian customer relabels defective sex toys as medical devices. A shady European lawyer brings them to a unique solution in 1976’s “A Stimulating Discussion (Una Discussione Stimolante).”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 7d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! Humankind finally subdues the giant newt, but when satellite transmissions create a giant hedgehog in the Azores, dare we release the destructive amphibian to save us? See 1998's “Saramandāsai VS HoloHedgehog!” #ManInNewt

On one of the Azroes, a giant newts squares up against an unsuspecting giant, semi-translucent, NTSC scan-lined glowing hedgehog. The text reads "Publicity photo: 'Saramandāsai VS HoloHedgehog!' (1998). (C) 1957-2007 Mizari Studios. All Rights Reserved." The Mizari oban (crest) of a newt and Japanese characters for Mizari is in a corner.

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 8d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! A widower whose last child just graduated college decides to shake up his life. He adds a weekend job as a junior Private Investigator while his new boss struggles with the biggest case in her career in 1973’s “Brand New Gumshoes.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 8d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! Ancient evil returns to the shores of Lake Cumberland KY, which confuses it because it wasn't a lake there five-hundred years ago. The locals continuously outwit it, and it turns into a tourist game, in 2004's “A Palpable Evil.“

Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 9d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! With a title of “The Divine Comedy” it has to be humorous, right? Dante’s ‘Inferno’ takes us on a guided trip through Hell as felty sinners suffer exaggerated punishment. Somehow Dante escapes “Hell on Thirty Florins (2002).”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 9d

Noon on Baron Tikitrocious' Weekend Tikipeats! A sociologist and an urban planner investigate the high marriage and low divorce rates in a Las Vegas condo tower. Three semi-retired fertility goddesses are only partially to blame for the felicity at “Ishtar’s Terrace (2011).”

Image of a condo building in the desert/low moisture landscaping and the title as a building sign, "Ishtar's Terrace."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 10d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! Janet (Marlene Briggs) wants to follow her fathers’ FBI career. When sexism (thinly-disguised as anti-nepotism) keeps her out, the Secret Service poaches her for the vice-presidential detail in 1971’s “Determination to Serve.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 10d

Noon on Baron Tikitrocious' Weekend Tikipeats! The county is threatening to disband Hilton Head Island’s APU, leaving Officer Sanchez and his aardwolf partner only thirty-six hours to solve the missing persons case and take down the kidnappers in 2003’s “Officer Bristles.”

Image of an aardwolf in a police tactical vest. The title reads "Officer Bristles."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 11d

2PM on the Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee! Bootleggers take over a run-down Omaha tenement as a place to hide their wares, but aren't prepared for the retired zookeeper and his powerful gorilla (Sal Conetta). Watch crime get crushed in 1933's “the Bottle Smashers.”

Grainy black and white image of a three-story boarding house and the shadow of a primate. The title reads "The Bottle Smashers."

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 11d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! It’s a bit of a problem when the Ned and his new revenant Pict bride move to day shift at the convenience store, but the undead are mostly sorted out. Growing up is the real challenge in “Nine to Five: Convenience Day.”

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Baron Tikitrocious' Midday Matinee @tikitrocious.bsky.social · 12d

Midnight on the Tikitrocious Moonlight Encore! A survey team scouts a lonely isle for a potential resort. They finds a lost convent and their ravening mad patient (Scream Queen Julia Strictland). Dangerously, nothing is as it appears in “Pieces Corp 2: Nun Atoll (1991).”

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