Town Guard
@townguard.bsky.social
I guard the town. Don't even try those charms, I can see thee casting them.
I'm starting to think these lords don't actually have a divine mandate.
November 26, 2025 at 5:07 PM
I'm starting to think these lords don't actually have a divine mandate.
Please refrain from using the stocks or rack for marital aide. We're tired of having to rescue husbands who forgot where the key is.
November 26, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Please refrain from using the stocks or rack for marital aide. We're tired of having to rescue husbands who forgot where the key is.
Guard
Town
Tarasque
Town
Tarasque
the first 3 words you see will define your 2026 😭
Money
New car
Pussy
Money
New car
Pussy
November 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Guard
Town
Tarasque
Town
Tarasque
I love gatekeepin'
November 25, 2025 at 5:35 PM
I love gatekeepin'
Oh, the Towne has not been burned to the ground in mine absence.
I am pleasantly surprised.
I am pleasantly surprised.
November 24, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Oh, the Towne has not been burned to the ground in mine absence.
I am pleasantly surprised.
I am pleasantly surprised.
Bugbear?
I wouldn't want to.
I wouldn't want to.
November 21, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Bugbear?
I wouldn't want to.
I wouldn't want to.
Thou must learn to guard thyself before thou can guard others
That be it send tweet
That be it send tweet
November 21, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Thou must learn to guard thyself before thou can guard others
That be it send tweet
That be it send tweet
Fie, mine shoulder is full of knots.
November 20, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Fie, mine shoulder is full of knots.
The 2nd day of Guardcon was a bit mundane, but still vital: how to avoid posture-related injuries by leaning on a polearm through the shift.
November 18, 2025 at 12:31 AM
The 2nd day of Guardcon was a bit mundane, but still vital: how to avoid posture-related injuries by leaning on a polearm through the shift.
No shame in using a shield - indeed, there's a lot of wisdom in doing so.
November 18, 2025 at 12:28 AM
No shame in using a shield - indeed, there's a lot of wisdom in doing so.
Day one of Guardcon draws to a close. The orator who spoke about the interplay betwixt ignoring rogues obviously sneaking pass a guard and not being stabbed to death was particularly inspiring.
"Don't want to meet your end? Say 'It must have been the wind'."
"Don't want to meet your end? Say 'It must have been the wind'."
November 17, 2025 at 2:30 AM
Day one of Guardcon draws to a close. The orator who spoke about the interplay betwixt ignoring rogues obviously sneaking pass a guard and not being stabbed to death was particularly inspiring.
"Don't want to meet your end? Say 'It must have been the wind'."
"Don't want to meet your end? Say 'It must have been the wind'."
Take notice:
I am away for GuardCon for the next week. Please harass the other guards not in mine absence. I shalt send the occasional missive.
I am away for GuardCon for the next week. Please harass the other guards not in mine absence. I shalt send the occasional missive.
November 16, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Take notice:
I am away for GuardCon for the next week. Please harass the other guards not in mine absence. I shalt send the occasional missive.
I am away for GuardCon for the next week. Please harass the other guards not in mine absence. I shalt send the occasional missive.
Thou may notice the town watch will be a little short staffed. Someone has polymorphed a portion of the muster to be half their normal size and we're working on a fix.
November 13, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Thou may notice the town watch will be a little short staffed. Someone has polymorphed a portion of the muster to be half their normal size and we're working on a fix.
I'm not saying Ser Merritt the Unbound is as clumsy as three kobolds in a suit of armor, I am saying quite literally that I think Ser Merritt is three kobolds in a suit of stolen armor, and at this point, am unsure if none else have noticed or if everyone has simply agreed to accept it.
November 13, 2025 at 3:34 PM
I'm not saying Ser Merritt the Unbound is as clumsy as three kobolds in a suit of armor, I am saying quite literally that I think Ser Merritt is three kobolds in a suit of stolen armor, and at this point, am unsure if none else have noticed or if everyone has simply agreed to accept it.
By any measure of the eye, mine new cloak be of an amateur's work. But I shalt wear it with pride, for it is wrought by mine own hand.
November 13, 2025 at 12:45 AM
By any measure of the eye, mine new cloak be of an amateur's work. But I shalt wear it with pride, for it is wrought by mine own hand.
"Thou should drink something healthy, like water".
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
November 12, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"Thou should drink something healthy, like water".
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Water??? Like from a well?? At-least boil it into a tea or something!
Word in the court is that the town watch might be getting some chainmail (to share).
November 12, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Word in the court is that the town watch might be getting some chainmail (to share).
The gales of November be upon us.
November 11, 2025 at 3:01 AM
The gales of November be upon us.
What a terrible thing they fey hath: to be weak to iron. The most common metal we have.
November 10, 2025 at 10:04 PM
What a terrible thing they fey hath: to be weak to iron. The most common metal we have.
The Missus has assured me that, were I to perish, she would personally travel unto Mercuria and wrench me from Torm's loving embrace to fulfill mine husbandly duties.
November 9, 2025 at 8:59 PM
The Missus has assured me that, were I to perish, she would personally travel unto Mercuria and wrench me from Torm's loving embrace to fulfill mine husbandly duties.
I speak oft of the goods of elves and dwarves, but I must say: if thou had meat smoked and seared by an orc? Thou knowest they surpass their peers in the culinary art.
November 7, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I speak oft of the goods of elves and dwarves, but I must say: if thou had meat smoked and seared by an orc? Thou knowest they surpass their peers in the culinary art.
It be easy to be hard on oneself, and hard to be easy on oneself.
November 7, 2025 at 1:47 AM
It be easy to be hard on oneself, and hard to be easy on oneself.
How hard be it to make a good cloak, I wonder?
November 6, 2025 at 11:55 PM
How hard be it to make a good cloak, I wonder?
Has thou ever noticed whenever there is a masquerade it always be a cult or vampire or noble conspiracy thing? It be never just a party?
November 6, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Has thou ever noticed whenever there is a masquerade it always be a cult or vampire or noble conspiracy thing? It be never just a party?
As a reminder, tomb-raiding is still a crime. Ruins should be examined by scholars, not picked clean by adventurers.
November 5, 2025 at 4:40 PM
As a reminder, tomb-raiding is still a crime. Ruins should be examined by scholars, not picked clean by adventurers.