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Minnesota Labeled ‘Hostile Territory’ After Residents Demand Not to Be Executed by Masked Federal Agents
Minnesota Labeled ‘Hostile Territory’ After Residents Demand Not to Be Executed by Masked Federal Agents - Unsourced News
In a stunning declaration, the Trump administration has officially classified Minnesota as “Hostile Territory.”
unsourcednews.com
January 15, 2026 at 2:44 PM
Minnesota Labeled ‘Hostile Territory’ After Residents Demand Not to Be Executed by Masked Federal Agents
GOP Alarmed as Texas Voters Start Saying Things Like “Well… I’m Just Asking Questions”
GOP Alarmed as Texas Voters Start Saying Things Like “Well… I’m Just Asking Questions” - Unsourced News
A growing sense of dread spread through the Texas GOP this week after recent polling revealed a terrifying new trend among voters: curiosity.
unsourcednews.com
January 15, 2026 at 1:48 PM
GOP Alarmed as Texas Voters Start Saying Things Like “Well… I’m Just Asking Questions”
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound”
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound” - Unsourced News
White House insiders are second guessing their decision to empower misogynistic internet trolls with assault rifles
unsourcednews.com
January 15, 2026 at 3:23 AM
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound”
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound” - Unsourced News
White House insiders are second guessing their decision to empower misogynistic internet trolls with assault rifles
unsourcednews.com
January 14, 2026 at 2:35 PM
White House Unsure If Giving Misogynistic Internet Trolls With Micropenises Assault Rifles and Limitless Power Was “Strategically Sound”
Sources Say Trump Considering Nicki Minaj as New Fed Chair Because She ‘Talks Tough’ and ‘Knows Money’
Sources Say Trump Considering Nicki Minaj as New Fed Chair Because She ‘Talks Tough’ and ‘Knows Money’ - Unsourced News
White House sources confirmed that President Trump is considering rapper Nicki Minaj for the position of Chair of the Federal Reserve
unsourcednews.com
January 13, 2026 at 5:46 PM
Sources Say Trump Considering Nicki Minaj as New Fed Chair Because She ‘Talks Tough’ and ‘Knows Money’
Trump Praises Anti-Authoritarian Protests Overseas, Reminds Americans That Protesting at Home is Punishable by Death
Trump Praises Anti-Authoritarian Protests Overseas, Reminds Americans That Protesting at Home is Punishable by Death - Unsourced News
President Trump applauded Iranian protesters while reminding Americans that protesting domestically is punishable by death.
unsourcednews.com
January 13, 2026 at 3:05 PM
Trump Praises Anti-Authoritarian Protests Overseas, Reminds Americans That Protesting at Home is Punishable by Death
“I mean, yeah, groceries cost twice what they used to and ICE is murdering people on the streets,” said one voter, staring at his phone while scrolling through leaked renderings of the ballroom. “But look at this. That’s a lot of marble. Is it enough marble? I don’t know. And that worries me.”
Poll Finds Americans Aligned With Trump on Nation's Biggest Concern: His Ballroom’s Gold-to-Marble Ratio - Unsourced News
Americans have reached a rare consensus: the issue demanding the most attention is the precise balance of gold to marble in Trump’s ballroom.
unsourcednews.com
January 12, 2026 at 7:48 PM
“I mean, yeah, groceries cost twice what they used to and ICE is murdering people on the streets,” said one voter, staring at his phone while scrolling through leaked renderings of the ballroom. “But look at this. That’s a lot of marble. Is it enough marble? I don’t know. And that worries me.”
Economy ‘On Solid Footing,’ Say People Who Do Not Grocery Shop
Economy ‘On Solid Footing,’ Say People Who Do Not Grocery Shop - Unsourced News
The White House economic team announced that the economy is “on solid footing,” despite having not physically entered a grocery store in years
unsourcednews.com
January 9, 2026 at 2:59 PM
Economy ‘On Solid Footing,’ Say People Who Do Not Grocery Shop
Soccer Moms Reclassified as Terrorist Organization by DHS
Soccer Moms Reclassified as Terrorist Organization by DHS - Unsourced News
In an urgent late-night press release, DHS announced it is reclassifying “Soccer Moms” as a domestic terrorist organization.
unsourcednews.com
January 8, 2026 at 3:01 PM
Soccer Moms Reclassified as Terrorist Organization by DHS
Trump Cites Time-Honored American Tradition of Stealing Land from Native People as Justification for Greenland Takeover
Trump Cites Time-Honored American Tradition of Stealing Land from Native People as Justification for Greenland Takeover - Unsourced News
President Trump described his interest in Greenland as “a very proud American tradition” of taking land from Indigenous people.
unsourcednews.com
January 7, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Trump Cites Time-Honored American Tradition of Stealing Land from Native People as Justification for Greenland Takeover
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole - Unsourced News
Americans gathered this week to joyfully observe January 6th by smashing, screaming, and the beating of law enforcement officers.
unsourcednews.com
January 6, 2026 at 6:13 PM
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole - Unsourced News
Americans gathered this week to joyfully observe January 6th by smashing, screaming, and the beating of law enforcement officers.
unsourcednews.com
January 6, 2026 at 4:13 PM
Americans Gather to Celebrate January 6th Holiday with Festive Window Smashing, Screaming at Paintings, and Annual Beating of Law Enforcement Officers with a Flag Pole
CDC Reduces Childhood Immunization Requirements from 17 Shots to 3 Shots of Tequila and a Lime Wedge
CDC Reduces Childhood Immunization Requirements from 17 Shots to 3 Shots of Tequila and a Lime Wedge - Unsourced News
The CDC announced Tuesday that it is reducing the childhood series of 17 vaccines to three shots of tequila and a lime wedge
unsourcednews.com
January 6, 2026 at 2:25 PM
CDC Reduces Childhood Immunization Requirements from 17 Shots to 3 Shots of Tequila and a Lime Wedge
Tim Walz to Exit Politics Amid Controversy; Republicans Seek Out Candidate Controversial Enough to Take His Place
Tim Walz to Exit Politics Amid Controversy; Republicans Seek Out Candidate Controversial Enough to Take His Place - Unsourced News
Tim Walz announced that he would be exiting politics, prompting Republicans to search for a candidate controversial enough to replace him.
unsourcednews.com
January 5, 2026 at 4:59 PM
Tim Walz to Exit Politics Amid Controversy; Republicans Seek Out Candidate Controversial Enough to Take His Place
Insiders Say Trump Began Fixating on Maduro’s Presidency After Learning it Was Only 13 Years Old
Insiders Say Trump Began Fixating on Maduro's Presidency After Learning it Was Only 13 Years Old - Unsourced News
According to senior officials, Trump’s eyes glazed over when he was informed that Maduro’s Presidency is currently entering its 13th year.
unsourcednews.com
January 5, 2026 at 3:48 PM
Insiders Say Trump Began Fixating on Maduro’s Presidency After Learning it Was Only 13 Years Old
Insiders Say Trump Began Fixating on Maduro's Presidency After Learning it Was Only 13 Years Old - Unsourced News
According to senior officials, Trump’s eyes glazed over when he was informed that Maduro’s Presidency is currently entering its 13th year.
unsourcednews.com
January 5, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Insiders Say Trump Began Fixating on Maduro’s Presidency After Learning it Was Only 13 Years Old
City Hall Reports Strange Quiet After Mamdani Enacts “No Talking Above Whisper Level” Policy
City Hall Reports Strange Quiet After Mamdani Enacts “No Talking Above Whisper Level” Policy - Unsourced News
In an effort to “restore civility,” newly elected Mayor Zohran Mamdani has required all conversations conducted at or below a gentle whisper
unsourcednews.com
January 2, 2026 at 7:04 PM
City Hall Reports Strange Quiet After Mamdani Enacts “No Talking Above Whisper Level” Policy
Doctors Confirm Trump Takes Non-Lethal Dose of Lead Each Morning for Brain Hardening
Doctors Confirm Trump Takes Non-Lethal Dose of Lead Each Morning for Brain Hardening - Unsourced News
A team of physicians confirmed that Donald Trump begins each day by ingesting aspirin and a carefully measured, non-lethal dose of lead.
unsourcednews.com
January 2, 2026 at 6:44 PM
Doctors Confirm Trump Takes Non-Lethal Dose of Lead Each Morning for Brain Hardening
Ghislaine Maxwell Remains Unquestioned as DoJ Asks Literally Anyone Else About Epstein Case
Ghislaine Maxwell Remains Unquestioned as DoJ Asks Literally Anyone Else About Epstein Case - Unsourced News
The DoJ confirmed that it has interviewed everyone connected to the Epstein case except the one person who was verifiably there for all of it.
unsourcednews.com
January 2, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Ghislaine Maxwell Remains Unquestioned as DoJ Asks Literally Anyone Else About Epstein Case
Nation Rings in New Year With Hope, 2026 Cracks Knuckles and Says “Hold My Beer”
Nation Rings in New Year With Hope, 2026 Cracks Knuckles and Says “Hold My Beer” - Unsourced News
As fireworks lit up the sky, millions of Americans pretended that the calendar represented a moral reset. Then 2026 cracked its knuckles.
unsourcednews.com
December 31, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Nation Rings in New Year With Hope, 2026 Cracks Knuckles and Says “Hold My Beer”
Nicki Minaj’s Publicist Resigns, Citing “A Sudden Desire to Ever Work Again”
Nicki Minaj’s Publicist Resigns, Citing “A Sudden Desire to Ever Work Again” - Unsourced News
Nicki Minaj’s longtime publicist confirmed her resignation, explaining she'd “reached the absolute limit of what a human résumé can survive.”
unsourcednews.com
December 30, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Nicki Minaj’s Publicist Resigns, Citing “A Sudden Desire to Ever Work Again”
Cabinet Meeting Runs Smoothly After Aides Take Turns Moving President’s Arms to Simulate Engagement
Cabinet Meeting Runs Smoothly After Aides Take Turns Moving President’s Arms to Simulate Engagement - Unsourced News
The latest Cabinet meeting ran “without incident” after senior aides implemented a rotating arm-movement schedule to give the appearance that President Trump was actively participating.
unsourcednews.com
December 29, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Cabinet Meeting Runs Smoothly After Aides Take Turns Moving President’s Arms to Simulate Engagement
Aaron Rodgers Says Fans Lack the Football IQ to Appreciate Why He Choked Again
Aaron Rodgers Says Fans Lack the Football IQ to Appreciate Why He Choked Again - Unsourced News
After the loss, Aaron Rodgers patiently explained that the real problem was the intellectual limitations of everyone watching.
unsourcednews.com
December 29, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Aaron Rodgers Says Fans Lack the Football IQ to Appreciate Why He Choked Again
Poll Finds Majority of Americans Think Boxing Day Celebrates Jake Paul’s Jaw Being Wired Shut
Poll Finds Majority of Americans Think Boxing Day Celebrates Jake Paul’s Jaw Being Wired Shut - Unsourced News
A new poll found that a majority of Americans now believe Boxing Day exists to commemorate the moment Jake Paul had his jaw was wired shut.
unsourcednews.com
December 26, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Poll Finds Majority of Americans Think Boxing Day Celebrates Jake Paul’s Jaw Being Wired Shut
“Let us be very clear,” said a DOJ spokesperson, “There are naughty people. We know who they are. Santa knows who they are. What matters is that you do not.”
Christmas Confusion as DoJ Redacts Entirety of Santa's Naughty List - Unsourced News
The Department of Justice confirmed Tuesday that it has responsibly redacted every single name from Santa Claus’s Naughty List.
unsourcednews.com
December 24, 2025 at 10:21 PM
“Let us be very clear,” said a DOJ spokesperson, “There are naughty people. We know who they are. Santa knows who they are. What matters is that you do not.”