Vapid Chuckles
@vapidchuckles.bsky.social
What is the Venezuelan version of the Taliban, and how do I buy stock? Want to get in on the ground floor.
January 5, 2026 at 5:03 PM
What is the Venezuelan version of the Taliban, and how do I buy stock? Want to get in on the ground floor.
Is it too much to hope for a respectable country to come run the US government until a safe transition can take place?
January 3, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Is it too much to hope for a respectable country to come run the US government until a safe transition can take place?
Have you ever imagined something so deeply arousing that you can’t stop thinking about it? Anyhow, it’s been over a decade and my conservative family still can’t help mentioning that Michelle Obama is trans and that Barack Obama is in a satanic gay marriage.
December 28, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Have you ever imagined something so deeply arousing that you can’t stop thinking about it? Anyhow, it’s been over a decade and my conservative family still can’t help mentioning that Michelle Obama is trans and that Barack Obama is in a satanic gay marriage.
The new Apple iOS sucks. Taking away visual clarity and introducing additional taps and steps to complete the same previous basic functions is a downgrade.
December 12, 2025 at 3:09 PM
The new Apple iOS sucks. Taking away visual clarity and introducing additional taps and steps to complete the same previous basic functions is a downgrade.
We can’t have socialism because only capitalism can produce a society that asks the innovative questions, such as “how can we run for-profit women’s shelters in a way that thinks about the shareholders first?”
December 11, 2025 at 5:31 AM
We can’t have socialism because only capitalism can produce a society that asks the innovative questions, such as “how can we run for-profit women’s shelters in a way that thinks about the shareholders first?”
Naming your new baby girl “Tula” is unique and nice, but what’s even better is knowing her full legal first name is “Tarantula”
December 3, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Naming your new baby girl “Tula” is unique and nice, but what’s even better is knowing her full legal first name is “Tarantula”
“You can train a dog on any cue. Like I can say ‘avada kedavra’ and she’ll play dead. Oh, for like everyday stuff? Yeah so for ‘go to the bathroom’, I just sharply bark ‘HURRY UP’ at her. Just repeat it faster and louder and angrier each time, just like ‘HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY THE FUCK UP!”
November 25, 2025 at 5:38 AM
“You can train a dog on any cue. Like I can say ‘avada kedavra’ and she’ll play dead. Oh, for like everyday stuff? Yeah so for ‘go to the bathroom’, I just sharply bark ‘HURRY UP’ at her. Just repeat it faster and louder and angrier each time, just like ‘HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY THE FUCK UP!”
Seeing F1 cars finally dust off and put on full wet tires: “Maybe I’ve been too hard on myself, perhaps I also have an unrealized purpose in life”
November 22, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Seeing F1 cars finally dust off and put on full wet tires: “Maybe I’ve been too hard on myself, perhaps I also have an unrealized purpose in life”
Oh my god—in between assaulting minors who were sex trafficked to a remote island—two adult-age males may have consented to posing for a blowie photo? They ain’t ever going to live that down! That shit is GAAAAAAAAY!
November 17, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Oh my god—in between assaulting minors who were sex trafficked to a remote island—two adult-age males may have consented to posing for a blowie photo? They ain’t ever going to live that down! That shit is GAAAAAAAAY!
A House of Dynamite = A Film of False Dichotomy
November 16, 2025 at 5:44 AM
A House of Dynamite = A Film of False Dichotomy
It’s one month’s health insurance premium, Michael. What could it cost, $10,000?
November 14, 2025 at 8:37 PM
It’s one month’s health insurance premium, Michael. What could it cost, $10,000?
At least, at any moment, I could just give up and cave on my principles without being the reason tens of millions of Americans can no longer afford to have health care. So, in a way—you could say—I am fortunate.
November 11, 2025 at 3:50 AM
At least, at any moment, I could just give up and cave on my principles without being the reason tens of millions of Americans can no longer afford to have health care. So, in a way—you could say—I am fortunate.
You know the devil got his rizz turned up to eleven today to welcome Dick Cheney
November 5, 2025 at 4:44 AM
You know the devil got his rizz turned up to eleven today to welcome Dick Cheney
To be fair, I also think the government owes me $230 million
October 24, 2025 at 1:05 AM
To be fair, I also think the government owes me $230 million
Portland: “Hellhole”
Chicago: “Hellhole”
Los Angeles: “Hellhole”
New York: “Hellhole”
Mar-A-segregated golf club trafficking minors-Lago: “Beautiful”
Chicago: “Hellhole”
Los Angeles: “Hellhole”
New York: “Hellhole”
Mar-A-segregated golf club trafficking minors-Lago: “Beautiful”
October 14, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Portland: “Hellhole”
Chicago: “Hellhole”
Los Angeles: “Hellhole”
New York: “Hellhole”
Mar-A-segregated golf club trafficking minors-Lago: “Beautiful”
Chicago: “Hellhole”
Los Angeles: “Hellhole”
New York: “Hellhole”
Mar-A-segregated golf club trafficking minors-Lago: “Beautiful”
NIMBYs: 1) Why don’t you go build the homeless shelter near the homeless people’s houses instead of near my house? 2) Please hurry up and do something about all the homeless people in and around my neighborhood.
October 12, 2025 at 8:49 PM
NIMBYs: 1) Why don’t you go build the homeless shelter near the homeless people’s houses instead of near my house? 2) Please hurry up and do something about all the homeless people in and around my neighborhood.
If the Riyadh Comedy Festival has taught us anything, it’s that Louis C.K. still hasn’t learned the difference between the right and wrong time and place to pull out a shriveled dick and start masturbating in front of people trapped in the room with him.
October 5, 2025 at 7:07 AM
If the Riyadh Comedy Festival has taught us anything, it’s that Louis C.K. still hasn’t learned the difference between the right and wrong time and place to pull out a shriveled dick and start masturbating in front of people trapped in the room with him.
The @nytimes.com Pips game today is a butt plug.
October 2, 2025 at 10:48 PM
The @nytimes.com Pips game today is a butt plug.
Presumably—after the unforgettable conclusion to the study of Tylenol’s sans-causal link to autism—the HHS can finally focus its vast tax-funded resources on if mayonnaise is an instrument.
September 24, 2025 at 3:57 AM
Presumably—after the unforgettable conclusion to the study of Tylenol’s sans-causal link to autism—the HHS can finally focus its vast tax-funded resources on if mayonnaise is an instrument.
If a political assassination happens in the woods but no one filmed it, does it matter?
September 18, 2025 at 7:47 PM
If a political assassination happens in the woods but no one filmed it, does it matter?
People are harshly criticizing the president’s birthday card drawing to his pedophile best friend, but people do need to give him credit for capturing Ivanka’s likeness so well from memory
September 9, 2025 at 10:51 PM
People are harshly criticizing the president’s birthday card drawing to his pedophile best friend, but people do need to give him credit for capturing Ivanka’s likeness so well from memory
The rest of the world watching US news has to be like me watching a Netflix documentary about a secluded religious/personality cults. Take any of them. Not a single episode in before you’re screaming—“Why can’t you all tell you’re in a cult and that your leader just wants to fuck your kids?!”
September 9, 2025 at 6:20 AM
The rest of the world watching US news has to be like me watching a Netflix documentary about a secluded religious/personality cults. Take any of them. Not a single episode in before you’re screaming—“Why can’t you all tell you’re in a cult and that your leader just wants to fuck your kids?!”
Outcomes that shouldn’t come from the SCOTUS shadow docket:
“Zeigen Sie mir Ihre Papiere!”
(Your papers, please)
“Zeigen Sie mir Ihre Papiere!”
(Your papers, please)
September 9, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Outcomes that shouldn’t come from the SCOTUS shadow docket:
“Zeigen Sie mir Ihre Papiere!”
(Your papers, please)
“Zeigen Sie mir Ihre Papiere!”
(Your papers, please)
Like the Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad, but it’s the Pope in Chicago sprinkling Malort over ICE like it’s holy water. Saves America.
September 8, 2025 at 4:29 AM
Like the Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad, but it’s the Pope in Chicago sprinkling Malort over ICE like it’s holy water. Saves America.
How soon is too soon to be pumped for Taylor’s divorce album?
September 2, 2025 at 12:50 AM
How soon is too soon to be pumped for Taylor’s divorce album?