Whack Morris
@whackmorris.bsky.social
Now enjoy my garbage to mediocre content on Bluesky!
Pinned
Warren Zevon voice: “Ah-oooooh! Hotdogs and onions.”
January 26, 2026 at 6:48 PM
Warren Zevon voice: “Ah-oooooh! Hotdogs and onions.”
2005 post:
Calling Blockbuster every hour and asking if they have any copies of Shark Tale available.
Calling Blockbuster every hour and asking if they have any copies of Shark Tale available.
January 17, 2026 at 7:33 PM
2005 post:
Calling Blockbuster every hour and asking if they have any copies of Shark Tale available.
Calling Blockbuster every hour and asking if they have any copies of Shark Tale available.
Apple Watch widget that shows my boner percentage rate.
January 16, 2026 at 1:16 AM
Apple Watch widget that shows my boner percentage rate.
They made another Fockers movie.
January 12, 2026 at 7:19 PM
They made another Fockers movie.
If you break into my house you’d better be prepared for the consequences.
January 6, 2026 at 10:24 PM
If you break into my house you’d better be prepared for the consequences.
We should force all politicians over 70 to retire Midsommar style.
January 4, 2026 at 9:16 PM
We should force all politicians over 70 to retire Midsommar style.
Donald Trump has been championing the coal industry because he thought miners were actually minors.
January 4, 2026 at 1:56 AM
Donald Trump has been championing the coal industry because he thought miners were actually minors.
Sending The Rizzler to Venezuela.
January 3, 2026 at 9:32 PM
Sending The Rizzler to Venezuela.
Farted on a canary at the pet store and it died.
January 3, 2026 at 8:14 PM
Farted on a canary at the pet store and it died.
The Stranger Things series finale is 2 hours.
January 3, 2026 at 6:18 AM
The Stranger Things series finale is 2 hours.
Remember Dane Cook? Don’t.
January 1, 2026 at 8:14 PM
Remember Dane Cook? Don’t.
Not sure what happened last night, but there’s a huge crack in my ass.
January 1, 2026 at 6:19 PM
Not sure what happened last night, but there’s a huge crack in my ass.
New year, new me.
(shaving my pubes into a landing strip)
(shaving my pubes into a landing strip)
January 1, 2026 at 6:19 PM
New year, new me.
(shaving my pubes into a landing strip)
(shaving my pubes into a landing strip)
Here’s a neat life hack to take you into the new year: If you rub a little cooking oil on your b-hole before you do a poo you won’t need to wipe afterwards.
Don’t have any cooking oil handy? No problem. Chapstick also works in a pinch.
Don’t have any cooking oil handy? No problem. Chapstick also works in a pinch.
December 31, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Here’s a neat life hack to take you into the new year: If you rub a little cooking oil on your b-hole before you do a poo you won’t need to wipe afterwards.
Don’t have any cooking oil handy? No problem. Chapstick also works in a pinch.
Don’t have any cooking oil handy? No problem. Chapstick also works in a pinch.
“Balki, please keep your tentacle genitalia away from the o’d'oeuvres.”
“Sorry, cousin Larry!”
-Perfect Strangers Things
“Sorry, cousin Larry!”
-Perfect Strangers Things
December 30, 2025 at 8:07 PM
“Balki, please keep your tentacle genitalia away from the o’d'oeuvres.”
“Sorry, cousin Larry!”
-Perfect Strangers Things
“Sorry, cousin Larry!”
-Perfect Strangers Things
Pretty sure Victor Frankenstein wanted to kill his creation because he gave him a huge fucking schlong and couldn’t overcome his own envy.
December 30, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Pretty sure Victor Frankenstein wanted to kill his creation because he gave him a huge fucking schlong and couldn’t overcome his own envy.
Telling the stripper she has beautiful perineum.
December 30, 2025 at 12:03 AM
Telling the stripper she has beautiful perineum.
Got red pilled and woke up in the Chinese dick sucking factory.
December 29, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Got red pilled and woke up in the Chinese dick sucking factory.
Imagine being some poor window washer and you’ve just finished the best job you’ve ever done on the glass doors of a high end department store and then this woman accidentally walks into one of the glass doors lips first.
December 29, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Imagine being some poor window washer and you’ve just finished the best job you’ve ever done on the glass doors of a high end department store and then this woman accidentally walks into one of the glass doors lips first.
“People grieve differently.”
December 28, 2025 at 10:19 PM
“People grieve differently.”
There’s an alternate universe where instead of Big Trouble in Little China, John Carpenter directed The Golden Child starring Kurt Russell.
December 28, 2025 at 4:39 AM
There’s an alternate universe where instead of Big Trouble in Little China, John Carpenter directed The Golden Child starring Kurt Russell.
Getting my penis comically flattered in a cartoonishly ridiculous type contraption machine.
December 28, 2025 at 4:28 AM
Getting my penis comically flattered in a cartoonishly ridiculous type contraption machine.
When two level 15 or higher lesbians touch their nipples together it creates a healing aura that helps nearby allies regain some health.
December 27, 2025 at 5:51 PM
When two level 15 or higher lesbians touch their nipples together it creates a healing aura that helps nearby allies regain some health.
Pulling a gun on a random motherfucker and telling them to do a perfect plié.
December 24, 2025 at 1:42 AM
Pulling a gun on a random motherfucker and telling them to do a perfect plié.
My favorite family Christmas tradition is when my dad would wait until we were asleep on Christmas Eve and then he would take a huge dump in one of the bathrooms and not flush. Then he’d use baby powder to make it look like snow boot prints in front of the toilet. The next day he’d say it was Santa.
December 19, 2025 at 4:59 AM
My favorite family Christmas tradition is when my dad would wait until we were asleep on Christmas Eve and then he would take a huge dump in one of the bathrooms and not flush. Then he’d use baby powder to make it look like snow boot prints in front of the toilet. The next day he’d say it was Santa.