Zack Niceman
@zackniceman.bsky.social
People call me "Righty": yes, I'm a northpaw. I was born back before the turn of the century. I'm like the internet: I'm made from a series of tubes.
Pinned
Zack Niceman
@zackniceman.bsky.social
· Apr 19
Life as an adult is filled with unpleasant tasks that we just have to power through.
These hungry, hungry hippies are eating me out of house and home.
January 2, 2026 at 8:23 PM
These hungry, hungry hippies are eating me out of house and home.
I pity the perverts that would opt for the so-called "Vibrating" Alarm Clock. It's not too late repent you, how you say, devil-worshipper?
I'm pretty fiscally conservative so I'm always going to opt for the most reliable alternative, i.e. the "Decent" alarm clock.
January 1, 2026 at 12:11 AM
I pity the perverts that would opt for the so-called "Vibrating" Alarm Clock. It's not too late repent you, how you say, devil-worshipper?
Candy cane: History's most poorly packaged product.
January 1, 2026 at 12:09 AM
Candy cane: History's most poorly packaged product.
I'm pretty fiscally conservative so I'm always going to opt for the most reliable alternative, i.e. the "Decent" alarm clock.
December 31, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I'm pretty fiscally conservative so I'm always going to opt for the most reliable alternative, i.e. the "Decent" alarm clock.
At least in these troubling times, it's great to know that if I have a problem with my alarm clock, WCS I can make the journey to Chicago, NY and be sure of getting satisfaction. #itisnotlatestagecapitalismyoudolt
December 31, 2025 at 11:24 PM
At least in these troubling times, it's great to know that if I have a problem with my alarm clock, WCS I can make the journey to Chicago, NY and be sure of getting satisfaction. #itisnotlatestagecapitalismyoudolt
I have yet to ever read anything by Somerset Paughap.
December 27, 2025 at 3:48 PM
I have yet to ever read anything by Somerset Paughap.
Carbon Fiber Man is an order of magnitude lighter and faster than Iron Man.
December 26, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Carbon Fiber Man is an order of magnitude lighter and faster than Iron Man.
Aren't we all?
Commentary: Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! https://theonion.com/ho-ho-ho-im-regrowing-my-foreskin-2/
Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Seasons greetings from your old friend Santa! With Christmas just a few short days away, Santa is hard at work at the North Pole, making presents for all you good boys and girls. But this year, Santa ...
theonion.com
December 25, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Aren't we all?
Reposted by Zack Niceman
Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Baby Jesus Skeleton https://theonion.com/home-depot-introduces-new-12-foot-tall-baby-jesus-skele-1851069460/
December 25, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Baby Jesus Skeleton https://theonion.com/home-depot-introduces-new-12-foot-tall-baby-jesus-skele-1851069460/
Tomorrow is the Secret Satan thing at work. Just like last year, and the year before, I'm giving my assignee a red ceramic pentagram, and someone will give me a red ceramic pentagram. Honestly, what are we doing people?
December 22, 2025 at 4:54 AM
Tomorrow is the Secret Satan thing at work. Just like last year, and the year before, I'm giving my assignee a red ceramic pentagram, and someone will give me a red ceramic pentagram. Honestly, what are we doing people?
The most passive-aggressive in fandom is when the crowd simulates booing by saying a player's name in unison which contains the "OO" vowel sound, as in Duke.
December 22, 2025 at 4:04 AM
The most passive-aggressive in fandom is when the crowd simulates booing by saying a player's name in unison which contains the "OO" vowel sound, as in Duke.
Well after 14 weeks, our chocolate cake baked in the vintage EasyBake oven with LED bulbs is finally done. This better be good.
December 19, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Well after 14 weeks, our chocolate cake baked in the vintage EasyBake oven with LED bulbs is finally done. This better be good.
I'll go on the record and state that ten years is too much of an age gap in an LTR. When the older partner is 105, the younger partner would only be 95.
December 18, 2025 at 1:57 AM
I'll go on the record and state that ten years is too much of an age gap in an LTR. When the older partner is 105, the younger partner would only be 95.
Can't stand all of the offkey caterwauling that will ruin yet another Voxing Day.
December 16, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Can't stand all of the offkey caterwauling that will ruin yet another Voxing Day.
I read somewhere that cool people are now replacing "Z" with "S".
Even if it's pronounced the same, I find the idea of writing "Sack Niceman" troubling for some reason.
Obviously, it's not because I'm not cool.
Even if it's pronounced the same, I find the idea of writing "Sack Niceman" troubling for some reason.
Obviously, it's not because I'm not cool.
December 16, 2025 at 4:40 AM
I read somewhere that cool people are now replacing "Z" with "S".
Even if it's pronounced the same, I find the idea of writing "Sack Niceman" troubling for some reason.
Obviously, it's not because I'm not cool.
Even if it's pronounced the same, I find the idea of writing "Sack Niceman" troubling for some reason.
Obviously, it's not because I'm not cool.
You can't fight City Hall, mainly because its imposing granite facade will pulverize your fists after landing just a few blows.
December 15, 2025 at 5:21 PM
You can't fight City Hall, mainly because its imposing granite facade will pulverize your fists after landing just a few blows.
I smashed that Like button so hard that I broke my wrist.
December 14, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I smashed that Like button so hard that I broke my wrist.
Pretty ironic that Frigidaire makes ovens, though I guess that explains why it takes so long to cook anything in them.
December 12, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Pretty ironic that Frigidaire makes ovens, though I guess that explains why it takes so long to cook anything in them.
I know this attorney named Sue. Surprisingly non-litigious. She's nuts for arbitration though.
December 10, 2025 at 4:02 AM
I know this attorney named Sue. Surprisingly non-litigious. She's nuts for arbitration though.
Today I learned that the Excel XLERATOR commercial hand dryer and leprosy DO NOT play well together.
December 5, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Today I learned that the Excel XLERATOR commercial hand dryer and leprosy DO NOT play well together.
He is heavy, he's my stepbrother.
December 2, 2025 at 9:07 PM
He is heavy, he's my stepbrother.
Reposted by Zack Niceman
Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market
Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market
BOSTON—Stressing that the move would help keep digital currencies liquid through the coming year, crypto leaders called for an infusion of 20 million dopes Thursday to stabilize the market. “We’re cal...
theonion.com
December 1, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Crypto Leaders Call For Infusion Of 20 Million Dopes To Stabilize Market
I don't know which of these two guys I hate more.
November 28, 2025 at 8:33 PM
I don't know which of these two guys I hate more.
Oh yeah, I dare you to move from one domicile to another and not scream "goddammit" at least 36 times during the pre- or post-transference activities. Fortunately for the bystanders, I'm all tuckered out. They shall eat their "pizza", ignorant of their impending doom which traversed so closely by.
November 23, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Oh yeah, I dare you to move from one domicile to another and not scream "goddammit" at least 36 times during the pre- or post-transference activities. Fortunately for the bystanders, I'm all tuckered out. They shall eat their "pizza", ignorant of their impending doom which traversed so closely by.
