These aren’t sex toys they’re sex tools

accidentally bought honeypot herbal pantyliners instead of the regular ones… if i wasn’t awake before i sure am now

satan invented swimsuit shopping, i just know it

apparently getting a bloody nose while i was on top is NOT what he meant when he said he wanted me to bounce on it crazy style?

my backdoor neighbors got a new puppy for christmas and i have to fight the urge to jump the fence every time i see him outside

embroidered a beanie for this man… i fear i am down too bad to recover

Gonna start replacing “bro” with “diva.” Finance bro? No. Ur a finance diva now. Tech bro? Tech diva. Get with it or get lost

If you all keep posting memes from 2007 on here thinking they are somehow fresh I am just going to start doing this to them

Me: I will just relax for a few minutes by playing a mindless game on my phone

Phone: Cool, every 90 seconds you will just need to watch a little animated snuff film featuring a mother and child freezing to death, or a king slowly being crushed against a spiky wall by piles of falling rubble

went on a date this week with a former coworker who complained that everyone in utah is either mormon or only wants to hook up, then would not stop asking me to have sex with him on our FIRST DATE after i said no the first time. my guy… you are part of the problem.

why are half of the posts in my feed auf deutsch 😭