At least we got the best possible photos of the hallowed event. Personal fave is the one of him pushing his orange noggin through the thing… himself. Pretty sure he’s asleep. I halfway wanna have it printed onto a commemorative plate. Adorned with loads of “gold” and shamelessness.

Should be fun. But… glass slippers aren’t uncomfortable, right?

….from that bitch Cinderella, earrings that come with their own security team, and a tiara high enough to jolly well violate a couplefew aviation regulations…please stop me and say hi.

#DressingForDuffy
#EverybodyDoItComeOnPleaseWhyNot
#SeanDuffy
#DudeAintLivinInTheRealWorld
#GetIt?
#GetIt?

And hey, Mr. Speaker, masturbators are smarter, funnier, better on cross-country road trips, and all-around finer human beings. Just a suggestion.

#ItsScienceMan

And stop co-opting the word ‘victim’ to soften the crimes of pedophiles, Presidential or otherwise. A real dick move, that. Wondering what a post-Trump world will look like: THIS GUY.

Thanks to #TheLincolnProject for the shot.

#MikeJohnson
#Satan
#SittinInATree

Maybe y’all can open for my band, The Fuck Knuckles. (Working title.)

…And though I usually get on well with folks who have pierced nipples, that #Cuomo is big creepy, yes? VOTE, guhdammit!

#VOTE
#ZohranForNYC

Is #Mamdani perfect? Of course not. I’ve been #voting since before rocks were invented, and I’ve never once had any perfection to vote for. (Except for Maya Wiley, natch.) As Rebecca Solnit wrote, “Voting is a chess move, not a valentine.”

Also #Zohran lays down some tasty rhymes.

#ZohranForNYC

He thinks he’s slippery, but nah. Just slimy.

#BitchBetterHaveMyMoney

And to the #NobelPeacePrize!

Riding that Delusions of Grandeur train all the way to the Nobel. I’m telling you, if they award him so much as a Popeye’s coupon, I’m kicking Norway in the taint. And I *like* Norway.

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install #Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”

…”I don’t want to be a distraction. Oh, wait. No. I want to spend more time with my fam— errr… I’m being paid to get outta the way so tRump can install Cuomo as Mayor/Presidential Pocket Pet. I’d love to stay and fake smile at you some more, but I’ve got a back-scratching reach-around to get to…”