Alistair Barrie
@alistairbarrie.com
Comedian, allegedly. Latest special 'Woke in Progress' out now on ITVX: www.alistairbarrie.com
Whilst encouraging more of it on our streets:
January 12, 2026 at 8:35 AM
Whilst encouraging more of it on our streets:
Funny how many more of these are popping up the more unhinged His Tedious Ballroomness becomes.
Blocking used to feel like a bit of a last resort in the old Twitter days.
It often seems more like an opening gambit here, and I'm really not convinced that's a bad thing.
Blocking used to feel like a bit of a last resort in the old Twitter days.
It often seems more like an opening gambit here, and I'm really not convinced that's a bad thing.
January 10, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Funny how many more of these are popping up the more unhinged His Tedious Ballroomness becomes.
Blocking used to feel like a bit of a last resort in the old Twitter days.
It often seems more like an opening gambit here, and I'm really not convinced that's a bad thing.
Blocking used to feel like a bit of a last resort in the old Twitter days.
It often seems more like an opening gambit here, and I'm really not convinced that's a bad thing.
Just accidentally sent my wife a text saying I’d arrived in Cockfisters, which is, I believe, an entirely different experience.
January 9, 2026 at 11:07 PM
Just accidentally sent my wife a text saying I’d arrived in Cockfisters, which is, I believe, an entirely different experience.
After his own personal experience of ‘foreigners’ occupying local housing, I’m slightly worried Rodney is considering voting Reform.
January 9, 2026 at 7:47 AM
After his own personal experience of ‘foreigners’ occupying local housing, I’m slightly worried Rodney is considering voting Reform.
I hate to be guilty of the value judgements I’m imposing on others, but from what I gather, Threads might be a bit too methadoney for actual c*nts.
I mean, they’ll still find a way. But they’re quite easy to spot:
I mean, they’ll still find a way. But they’re quite easy to spot:
January 8, 2026 at 11:23 PM
I hate to be guilty of the value judgements I’m imposing on others, but from what I gather, Threads might be a bit too methadoney for actual c*nts.
I mean, they’ll still find a way. But they’re quite easy to spot:
I mean, they’ll still find a way. But they’re quite easy to spot:
Call me a wokey old libtard if you want, but I would have thought if historical accusations of racism were ‘solidifying your core support’ - doesn’t that, um… reflect quite badly on your core support?
January 8, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Call me a wokey old libtard if you want, but I would have thought if historical accusations of racism were ‘solidifying your core support’ - doesn’t that, um… reflect quite badly on your core support?
Aaaaand THAT’S a remarkably quick block:
January 7, 2026 at 4:37 PM
Aaaaand THAT’S a remarkably quick block:
Yuletide with my mother. I would post the rant about Christmas lunch but it is waaay too long and veers far far from comedy:
January 7, 2026 at 11:51 AM
Yuletide with my mother. I would post the rant about Christmas lunch but it is waaay too long and veers far far from comedy:
Does sort of feel like I’ve just stumbled across a private conversation I shouldn’t have.
Sorry.
*backs out of room*
Sorry.
*backs out of room*
January 6, 2026 at 9:02 PM
Does sort of feel like I’ve just stumbled across a private conversation I shouldn’t have.
Sorry.
*backs out of room*
Sorry.
*backs out of room*
Having a rather nice beer on the train into London on my way to the Comedians’ Christmas Party, part of my ongoing quest to do literally anything I can to say ‘fuck you’ to Boris Johnson.
January 6, 2026 at 8:56 PM
Having a rather nice beer on the train into London on my way to the Comedians’ Christmas Party, part of my ongoing quest to do literally anything I can to say ‘fuck you’ to Boris Johnson.
I mean, don’t encourage him FFS.
January 6, 2026 at 11:17 AM
I mean, don’t encourage him FFS.
I mean, he’s bombed the capital and abducted their leader. How can he make it worse? Build another fucking golf club?
January 4, 2026 at 10:52 PM
I mean, he’s bombed the capital and abducted their leader. How can he make it worse? Build another fucking golf club?
‘gesturing throwing his heart out to the audience’. 🤣
I mean, f*ck me. If that’s the case I know a good mime school he might attend.
But yeah, and Hitler was just giving directions.
I mean, f*ck me. If that’s the case I know a good mime school he might attend.
But yeah, and Hitler was just giving directions.
January 4, 2026 at 10:42 PM
‘gesturing throwing his heart out to the audience’. 🤣
I mean, f*ck me. If that’s the case I know a good mime school he might attend.
But yeah, and Hitler was just giving directions.
I mean, f*ck me. If that’s the case I know a good mime school he might attend.
But yeah, and Hitler was just giving directions.
A recent correspondent sharing his views on his hero’s Nazi salute and drug use earlier.
They walk among us:
They walk among us:
January 4, 2026 at 10:08 PM
A recent correspondent sharing his views on his hero’s Nazi salute and drug use earlier.
They walk among us:
They walk among us:
Yup. I'm the nut job. 🙄
January 4, 2026 at 11:56 AM
Yup. I'm the nut job. 🙄
Yeah. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here.
And you wonder why he’s so happy dancing to Putin’s tune?
And you wonder why he’s so happy dancing to Putin’s tune?
January 3, 2026 at 10:24 PM
Yeah. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here.
And you wonder why he’s so happy dancing to Putin’s tune?
And you wonder why he’s so happy dancing to Putin’s tune?
I see Donald Trump has taken my assertion that 2026 cannot be any worse than 2025 as a personal challenge.
Here’s my gigs for the next month, for what it’s worth.
Comedy not feeling very comedic this morning. 🇻🇪😢
Here’s my gigs for the next month, for what it’s worth.
Comedy not feeling very comedic this morning. 🇻🇪😢
January 3, 2026 at 9:00 AM
I see Donald Trump has taken my assertion that 2026 cannot be any worse than 2025 as a personal challenge.
Here’s my gigs for the next month, for what it’s worth.
Comedy not feeling very comedic this morning. 🇻🇪😢
Here’s my gigs for the next month, for what it’s worth.
Comedy not feeling very comedic this morning. 🇻🇪😢
How’s that ‘keeping out of foreign conflicts’ working out for you MAGA?
Oh, sorry, ‘conflicts’. It means ‘wars’. Although it also doesn’t attempt to apportion right or wrong.
Sorry, ‘apportion’. It means…
Oh I give up. Happy 2026 you absolute f*cking idiots.
Oh, sorry, ‘conflicts’. It means ‘wars’. Although it also doesn’t attempt to apportion right or wrong.
Sorry, ‘apportion’. It means…
Oh I give up. Happy 2026 you absolute f*cking idiots.
January 3, 2026 at 8:49 AM
How’s that ‘keeping out of foreign conflicts’ working out for you MAGA?
Oh, sorry, ‘conflicts’. It means ‘wars’. Although it also doesn’t attempt to apportion right or wrong.
Sorry, ‘apportion’. It means…
Oh I give up. Happy 2026 you absolute f*cking idiots.
Oh, sorry, ‘conflicts’. It means ‘wars’. Although it also doesn’t attempt to apportion right or wrong.
Sorry, ‘apportion’. It means…
Oh I give up. Happy 2026 you absolute f*cking idiots.
I don’t hold out much hope for Ricky Gervais at the best of times, but it would be nice to think he’d realise being lionised by GBeebies might indicate he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere.
January 2, 2026 at 11:08 PM
I don’t hold out much hope for Ricky Gervais at the best of times, but it would be nice to think he’d realise being lionised by GBeebies might indicate he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere.
Just spent ten minutes downloading a tenth parking app, only to be informed the exorbitant price for a couple of hours parking at a station includes a ‘convenience fee’ and now we have our first incandescent rage of the year incident. 🤬
January 2, 2026 at 6:27 PM
Just spent ten minutes downloading a tenth parking app, only to be informed the exorbitant price for a couple of hours parking at a station includes a ‘convenience fee’ and now we have our first incandescent rage of the year incident. 🤬
Funnily enough, just had this exchange with my sister-in-law on WhatsApp:
December 25, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Funnily enough, just had this exchange with my sister-in-law on WhatsApp: