Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 5h

MONKEY TENNIS INCOMING! 🙈🎾

Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 9h

“He can’t use radiators as handrails”
“Why not?”
“They’re HOT”
“They’re not THAT hot”
*burns himself on radiator*
“Well they shouldn’t be that hot.”

She was a nurse. Like, a professional one.
I’d like to take this opportunity to belatedly apologise to any of her former patients. 🤪

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 9h

Been a rough couple of days. Today we are hopefully getting my darling old man into a home which is sad but inevitable.
Especially as my mother seems to regard one major aspect of her caring role as some sort of obstacle/assault course designer for Gladiators/the SAS/my aging father.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 12h

Must be absolutely maddening to realise your citizenry are far more interested in finding out which prominent modern figures featured heavily in a paedophile’s inner circle, rather than simply having the fact that Lee Harvey Oswald did kill JFK confirmed beyond all reasonable doubt.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 12h

I mean, you’d have thought they’d have been pleased.

Must be incredibly difficult at The Telegraph to balance their core philosophy of the inalienable right of everyone to own a second home in another country with their other core belief in a visceral hatred of foreigners.

So they don’t bother.

Frédéric Moreau @goodclimate.bsky.social · 1d

This lurid headline is about British tourists no longer getting away with overstaying in Schengen. Or being 'illegals', as it's often called in the UK.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 20h

Kemi Badenocjh’s ability to channel Margaret Thatcher is quite astonishing. It’s just Maggie didn’t announce the Poll Tax until she had been Prime Minister for over a decade and still didn’t do it every day. She was, in fairness, also completely barking.

Times Higher Education (THE) @timeshighered.bsky.social · 21h

Tory leader Kemi Badenoch is expected to announce plans to cut the number of UK university places by about 100,000 annually by reintroducing student number controls, reports Patrick Jack #edusky
https://www.timeshighereducation.com/news/badenochs-number-caps-plan-would-cut-100000-university-places

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 1d

For a long time, Irish artists didn’t pay income tax as it was felt they contributed enough to society with their work. Good luck with that in these insane Daily Mail ‘look over there at some workshy git getting something for nothing! (steals your lunch)’ times.
But actual figures. Argue with those.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 1d

So, basically addressing Terry Pratchett’s ‘Boots’ theory of economics in real life.
(IT’LL NEVER WORK! POVERTY IS A MORAL CHOICE! THE RICH ARE SIMPLY MORE TALENTED! Etc.)
*sigh*
Time to move to Ireland. 🇮🇪

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 1d

No one can be cast 'as Potter' when Donald Trump clearly IS Potter.

Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 1d

According to polls, the UK electorate now seems to consist almost entirely of that one shouty prick who always talks over everyone else on a speed awareness course.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 2d

Almost certain I just got bitten by a ladybird. Is that a thing now? 😳

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 2d

As far as I’m concerned, any one that calls bald dudes sexy.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 2d

Probably the clearest evidence we are not being monitored by extra-terrestrials is these are the words of the most powerful man on earth and we have still not been invaded.

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Reposted by Alistair Barrie

~daniel_barker~ @daniel-barker.bsky.social · 2d

Imagine you're at a writers' retreat with the lads and you're all showing off a draft after dinner and then your mate's girlfriend goes here is the novel Frankenstein which I just wrote

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Unfortunately BlueSky has not developed the ‘Multi-Like’ function, but I’d like you to know I have very much done it in spirit. 😘

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Sadly, part of my mid-life crisis is probably entwined in the fact the hair option is no longer open to me. 😜

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

I mean, we’re at Performance Art levels now.

(I’m no conspiracy theorist, but ‘black Brighton uni student infiltrates Tory Party to lead it to its own destruction’ does have a certain ring to it.)

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Oh absolutely. But I have no problem with her being a black Briton. The weird thing is, she seems to. And all the people whose votes she is hopelessly and somewhat pathetically chasing DEFINITELY do.

Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Apologies, my bad.
Edit:
"Due to her own legislation, Kemi Badenoch has had herself deported - to use her OWN WORDS - 'back where she came from'...."
How far through the f**cking looking glass have we gone when a black Briton who grew up in Nigeria can dogwhistle her own deportation? 🤪
Staggering.

Adrian Short @adrianshort.uk · 3d

You don't even need a clerical error, just a retroactive law.

bsky.app/profile/adri...

Adrian Short @adrianshort.uk · 3d

Kemi Badenoch was born in London in 1981 to Nigerian parents who were not British residents.

That year, the Tory government passed a law to abolish automatic British citizenship to people born in the UK unless they have a British or UK legal resident parent.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1981/6...

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

The reliably excellent @ldfreedman.bsky.social would appear to concur, as far as that is possible...
samf.substack.com/p/will-there...

Will there finally be peace in Gaza?

One never goes too far wrong by being pessimistic about events in the Middle East.

samf.substack.com

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Is he walking in front of the train waving a lamp?

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Tell me in one post why you left the Labour Party Alistair:

Paul Brand @paulbrand.bsky.social · 3d

Home Secretary tells Sky News that “there is a gap in the law” when it comes to frequent, repeated protests on the same issue. Hence she will be giving police greater powers to move them to another location or time.

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

Well, quite. Netanyahu is not just ‘ambivalent’ about a two state solution - he is violently, ideologically and utterly opposed to it. (To be fair, so are most of Hamas.)
There can be no lasting peace without a two state solution. There can be no two state solution with Netanyahu.

Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

You clearly haven’t been following the financial structure of the UK comedy circuit, where the concept of pay rises only applies to other people.

Added to which, too blingy. And dad’s already got a weak heart. 😉

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Alistair Barrie @alistairbarrie.com · 3d

I have a little tradition of wearing mine at Glastonbury. Maybe it’s time to make it a year round thing!
(That said, I got my first tattoo a couple of weeks ago. It’s probably just a perfectly understandable mid-life crisis.)

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