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Alistair King

@alistairking.bsky.social

560 followers 290 following 4.5K posts

If you’d be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · Nov 14

Nice to see my follower count rise. My policy is to follow back people I know from elsewhere and generally follow others after there's been a bit of interaction. If I haven't followed you back despite knowing you, it's probably because you're using a different photo. Just like this and I'll rectify.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 18h

A front page that just oozes the sentiments of peace.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 19h

OK, let’s answer this old thing…

Before it went bad, Twitter:

- Taught me to be more concise in my writing

- Increased my political awareness

- Got me a significant chunk of freelance work last year

- Established a handful of what I’d consider genuine friendships with people I first met there

Conrad Hackett @conradhackett.bsky.social · 3d

Has anything great happened in your life because of social media?

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 21h

Totally share this annoyance. I'll grudgingly use my receipt if I have it but I won't go back for it if I haven't and will instead try to find a way to get through without (that ideally doesn't break the gates). There's another flaw in the system in that it compels people to buy when they enter.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 22h

The use of 'Uncle' here has really made me chuckle. Brilliantly sinister. Well done, @robmanuelyeah.bsky.social.

fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 22h

Free your conscience with a confession. Share it here with Uncle Fesshole: https://forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 22h

Yeah, I think you'll be all right, Jeff.

Reposted by Alistair King

Mark Watson @watsoncomedian.bsky.social · 22h

A dangerous criminal versus someone really intent on stopping crime, you say? Well that IS a showdown. Absolutely tantalising!

Enormous tube poster for Jeffrey Archer’s novel End Game. The shoutline: A DEADLY ASSASSIN, A RELENTLESS DETECTIVE, THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 1d

Does the picture they’ve used for this leaflet really capture the mood that either the sender or receiver would feel in light of this shittyTrump-induced move?

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 1d

If some money I'm waiting on comes through, I'll buy something in the run-up to Christmas. Remind me nearer the time if you like.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 1d

Happy little fellow, isn't he?

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 1d

While idly and abortively Googling a list of programming languages so I could do some sort of royalty-based pun in response to this (excellent) observation, I stumbled on this and, pun-wise, I don't know whether to be impressed or appalled. If the latter, it deserved its fate of discontinuation.

Franz Lisp - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 1d

Love this from Popbitch. Pretty tame in Glasgow, though, I bet.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Personally, I prefer "cuntessentially English", a term I use to describe Nigel Farage and people who don't think he's an arsehole.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Did you compound your crime with any follow-up jokes?

(If not, I hope this is the catalyst to do so.)

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Nice to hear Mark Bonnar discuss The Traitors on #r4today but, honestly, Nick, you needn’t introduce him as ‘*Scottish* actor’. Anyone who doesn’t know who he is is about to hear his very obviously Scottish accent, and even in print, it would be a bit weird. Scotland isn’t an obscure part of the UK.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

The literal low-level torture!

15 minutes on hold trying to get through to speak to a doctor while Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 21 is played not for minutes on end but SIX BARS AT A TIME, punctuated by several seconds of hope-inducing big ultimately dashed ringing.

Then cut off. The fuckers.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Wait, does this mean anything for my understanding* of the Venerable Bede?

*I have NO understanding of him other than that he was a historically notable figure who lived on this island many centuries ago.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Just seen some sort of Charlie Higson-Jim Moir thing promoted on Facebook. With Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer so often collaborating in recent years, this has a real Mitchell and Webb-style Chip and Pin or Fish and Cushion feel to it - but which is which?

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

I knew #TheCelebritiesTraitors was in the offing but how did I only find out today that the first episode is this evening at 9?

No matter. I suppose if it’s rubbish, not that I have any reason to think it will be, I won’t suffer too great a crash from the expectation built-up.

#yourself

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

No, having been unable to resist Googling it just now, I can confirm that, in my opinion, there's absolutely no ambiguity whatsoever, not even a hint of it. Awful.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

I feel my sensibilities have been preserved by their spelling it 'FCUKED'. Without that, I'd see it as hate-filled nonsense.

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Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

I've just voted for @lucympowell.bsky.social for deputy leader of the Labour party, and I suggest you do the same if you have a vote.

I have confidence that with her helping to shape policies, the party will be best placed to get back on the right track, one that leads to Labour-friendly outcomes.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 2d

Haha! Stories like this reduce my disbelief that, as nation, we thought it was a good idea to vote for Brexit.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 3d

If you move into a downstairs flat in a period property, i.e. one without reinforced concrete floors, expect to occasionally hear the footsteps of the people upstairs, and if children live upstairs, they're not always going to be quiet, as you yourselves are likely to find out when you breed.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 3d

PowerPoint? PowerBastard, more like.

Alistair King @alistairking.bsky.social · 3d

Funnily enough, I considered teaching while in my first publishing job, which was Routledge’s education imprint. I’m not sure I’d have been great and was tempted perhaps because I’m a bit suggestible; another publishing job, this time in law, made me consider retraining as a lawyer.