if i could just pack up and leave that'd be different. but i'm trapped. i haven't had a paying job in 5 years because of my mental health. i was prevented from getting my license by my parents. and now i am stuck at my grandfathers 5 days a week, where i barely sleep or eat.

i'm so fucking tired.

yall should see the other guy. (again it was a tree. it won. i not only lost, but i lost against something that wasn't trying.)

and not even like... a cathartic breakdown where we manage to cry out all the feelings we bury on the daily.

but just enough of a breakdown that we spiral. and then we bounce to manic. and then to such an overwhelming melancholy.

we are so tired. and yet.

sleep will not come.

Thank you. A two hour nap helped to at least reset me mentally. So, positives.