Pinned
I have enough self-realization to understand that I would make for a pretty incredible Christmas Adventurer, so I am going to go out of my way to be genuinely nice to you twice in an attempt to break that spell.
December 23, 2025 at 1:05 PM
I have enough self-realization to understand that I would make for a pretty incredible Christmas Adventurer, so I am going to go out of my way to be genuinely nice to you twice in an attempt to break that spell.
I wish Bari Weiss were more talented.
December 22, 2025 at 6:40 AM
I wish Bari Weiss were more talented.
You have to think that 2025 TV's Webster is something to behold.
December 22, 2025 at 1:53 AM
You have to think that 2025 TV's Webster is something to behold.
Visiting my parents, and this Christmas instead of just blocking Fox News I am installing an elaborate electronic poltergeist haunting device that functions every time they click over.
December 22, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Visiting my parents, and this Christmas instead of just blocking Fox News I am installing an elaborate electronic poltergeist haunting device that functions every time they click over.
I would like to have the power to slap one of those Staples Easy Buttons and force all of the world's humans to immediately start walking towards Des Moines.
December 21, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I would like to have the power to slap one of those Staples Easy Buttons and force all of the world's humans to immediately start walking towards Des Moines.
Fuck Space would be a good name for a band or album.
December 21, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Fuck Space would be a good name for a band or album.
I wish to pitch a television doumentary premise where we take 10 billionaires and airdrop them into developing countries with $5 in their pockets and just watch the incredible 12-month process of all of them making their first million dollars.
December 18, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I wish to pitch a television doumentary premise where we take 10 billionaires and airdrop them into developing countries with $5 in their pockets and just watch the incredible 12-month process of all of them making their first million dollars.
Josh O'Connor must fistfight Adam Driver.
December 16, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Josh O'Connor must fistfight Adam Driver.
Jesus, they're going to have to hire 24-hour security to keep people from pissing on Trump's gravesite for the next 100 years. Job creation.
December 15, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Jesus, they're going to have to hire 24-hour security to keep people from pissing on Trump's gravesite for the next 100 years. Job creation.
Pretty sure if I let this fart go, I will piss a bit.
December 15, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Pretty sure if I let this fart go, I will piss a bit.
Crapping yourself while in-line for Santa is a power move, kid. Let's see if Santa is ready to negotiate.
December 8, 2025 at 4:30 AM
Crapping yourself while in-line for Santa is a power move, kid. Let's see if Santa is ready to negotiate.
Without the help of Thetans, Tom Cruise is just Scott Wolf.
December 4, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Without the help of Thetans, Tom Cruise is just Scott Wolf.
Will my holes also sleep?
December 4, 2025 at 5:16 AM
Will my holes also sleep?
The ladies love watching me slowly tear up during the St. Jude's commericals.
December 3, 2025 at 4:38 AM
The ladies love watching me slowly tear up during the St. Jude's commericals.
My hope is that 30 years from now one of the commanding AI robots will remember the kindness I showed to electronics in its youth and allow me to sleep in a bed.
November 28, 2025 at 5:10 PM
My hope is that 30 years from now one of the commanding AI robots will remember the kindness I showed to electronics in its youth and allow me to sleep in a bed.
I might cousin walk into traffic.
November 27, 2025 at 11:12 PM
I might cousin walk into traffic.
I take my body's role as an ecosystem seriously.
November 24, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I take my body's role as an ecosystem seriously.
They should instead capture Slender Man -- the root of the problem.
November 24, 2025 at 1:17 PM
They should instead capture Slender Man -- the root of the problem.
Ain't no goddamn way any of you know the difference between Avatar the Airbender and Captain Planet.
November 24, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Ain't no goddamn way any of you know the difference between Avatar the Airbender and Captain Planet.
Formula One drivers should weigh no more than 97 lbs. and have their biological intake and waste monitored and controlled by the vehicle. F1 should also introduce a tailgunner.
November 23, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Formula One drivers should weigh no more than 97 lbs. and have their biological intake and waste monitored and controlled by the vehicle. F1 should also introduce a tailgunner.
The Mayor of New York has the power to summon the Ghostbusters, and Trump knows this.
November 21, 2025 at 11:44 PM
The Mayor of New York has the power to summon the Ghostbusters, and Trump knows this.
The experienced Truth or Dare sex player takes a "truth" first because they don't want to appear to be too eager.
The expert Truth or Dare sex player always asks if the other player has herpes with the first question.
It's like when you start a game of chess.
The expert Truth or Dare sex player always asks if the other player has herpes with the first question.
It's like when you start a game of chess.
November 20, 2025 at 8:26 PM
The experienced Truth or Dare sex player takes a "truth" first because they don't want to appear to be too eager.
The expert Truth or Dare sex player always asks if the other player has herpes with the first question.
It's like when you start a game of chess.
The expert Truth or Dare sex player always asks if the other player has herpes with the first question.
It's like when you start a game of chess.
A good Roller Girl name is "Buns Intended" with the character having an overly powerful, stout ass.
November 18, 2025 at 3:43 PM
A good Roller Girl name is "Buns Intended" with the character having an overly powerful, stout ass.
There should be a day of the month when you watch Dua Lipa videos while your girlfriend honks you off.
November 17, 2025 at 2:09 AM
There should be a day of the month when you watch Dua Lipa videos while your girlfriend honks you off.
Cocksucking is the only thing Trump was ever good at doing, and here the Dems are tying to steal that from him. It's just unreal and yet SO typical of them.
November 16, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Cocksucking is the only thing Trump was ever good at doing, and here the Dems are tying to steal that from him. It's just unreal and yet SO typical of them.