andyshaughnessy.bsky.social
@andyshaughnessy.bsky.social
Shh, I’m trying to wr—
a stick figure is sitting in front of a computer monitor .
ALT: a stick figure is sitting in front of a computer monitor .
media.tenor.com
October 10, 2025 at 10:49 AM
Shh, I’m trying to wr—
“I yearn to learn,” Ewan lied. He didn’t care about the product. He just needed the job.
“If we were a colour, what would we be?” the interviewer asked.
“Green!”
#30words30days #yearn
“If we were a colour, what would we be?” the interviewer asked.
“Green!”
#30words30days #yearn
June 29, 2025 at 10:29 PM
“I yearn to learn,” Ewan lied. He didn’t care about the product. He just needed the job.
“If we were a colour, what would we be?” the interviewer asked.
“Green!”
#30words30days #yearn
“If we were a colour, what would we be?” the interviewer asked.
“Green!”
#30words30days #yearn
You are scorching! Thanks for your leadership. It is close to the end of the afternoon in Canada when these prompts come in and I need them!
June 28, 2025 at 10:00 PM
You are scorching! Thanks for your leadership. It is close to the end of the afternoon in Canada when these prompts come in and I need them!
Pastor Searles turned the page of the pulpit bible as Amy yawned in her spot in the pew in the third row.
“And Jesus wept,” Searles said.
Amy: “Little wonder.”
#30words30days #yawn
“And Jesus wept,” Searles said.
Amy: “Little wonder.”
#30words30days #yawn
June 28, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Pastor Searles turned the page of the pulpit bible as Amy yawned in her spot in the pew in the third row.
“And Jesus wept,” Searles said.
Amy: “Little wonder.”
#30words30days #yawn
“And Jesus wept,” Searles said.
Amy: “Little wonder.”
#30words30days #yawn
Angela pulled the charade card: ‘fountain of youth.’
On the couch, her boyfriend Adam giggled beside his giggling ex-girlfriend.
Angela held up her middle finger.
“One word.”
“Done!” Angela said.
#30words30days #youth
On the couch, her boyfriend Adam giggled beside his giggling ex-girlfriend.
Angela held up her middle finger.
“One word.”
“Done!” Angela said.
#30words30days #youth
June 28, 2025 at 8:33 AM
Angela pulled the charade card: ‘fountain of youth.’
On the couch, her boyfriend Adam giggled beside his giggling ex-girlfriend.
Angela held up her middle finger.
“One word.”
“Done!” Angela said.
#30words30days #youth
On the couch, her boyfriend Adam giggled beside his giggling ex-girlfriend.
Angela held up her middle finger.
“One word.”
“Done!” Angela said.
#30words30days #youth
She sold my skis at the yard sale. Old man McGuinity bought ‘em: twenty bucks. My vinyl records? Fifty bucks.
Who says only the divorce lawyers make off like bandits?
#30words30days #yard
Who says only the divorce lawyers make off like bandits?
#30words30days #yard
June 28, 2025 at 2:47 AM
She sold my skis at the yard sale. Old man McGuinity bought ‘em: twenty bucks. My vinyl records? Fifty bucks.
Who says only the divorce lawyers make off like bandits?
#30words30days #yard
Who says only the divorce lawyers make off like bandits?
#30words30days #yard
Lloyd polled the prospective jurors: “Number Three, favourite colour?”
“Yellow.”
Lloyd: “Challenge for cause.”
Judge: “What’s the cause?”
Lloyd: “This one’s crazy.”
Judge: “Counsel!”
Juror: “Naw, he’s right. See ya.”
#30words30days #yellow
“Yellow.”
Lloyd: “Challenge for cause.”
Judge: “What’s the cause?”
Lloyd: “This one’s crazy.”
Judge: “Counsel!”
Juror: “Naw, he’s right. See ya.”
#30words30days #yellow
June 25, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Lloyd polled the prospective jurors: “Number Three, favourite colour?”
“Yellow.”
Lloyd: “Challenge for cause.”
Judge: “What’s the cause?”
Lloyd: “This one’s crazy.”
Judge: “Counsel!”
Juror: “Naw, he’s right. See ya.”
#30words30days #yellow
“Yellow.”
Lloyd: “Challenge for cause.”
Judge: “What’s the cause?”
Lloyd: “This one’s crazy.”
Judge: “Counsel!”
Juror: “Naw, he’s right. See ya.”
#30words30days #yellow
“We’re not getting the yield we need.” That public statement caused the gold mine’s stock price to plunge.
My wife was annoyed. “Next time, buy a dog.”
“Apparently I did.”
#30words30days #yield
My wife was annoyed. “Next time, buy a dog.”
“Apparently I did.”
#30words30days #yield
June 24, 2025 at 10:18 PM
“We’re not getting the yield we need.” That public statement caused the gold mine’s stock price to plunge.
My wife was annoyed. “Next time, buy a dog.”
“Apparently I did.”
#30words30days #yield
My wife was annoyed. “Next time, buy a dog.”
“Apparently I did.”
#30words30days #yield
“There’s a risk of thunderstorm,” the starter warned.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a two-iron. I’ll hold it over my head.”
“What?”
“Not even God can hit a two-iron.”
#30words30days #risk
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a two-iron. I’ll hold it over my head.”
“What?”
“Not even God can hit a two-iron.”
#30words30days #risk
June 23, 2025 at 9:29 PM
“There’s a risk of thunderstorm,” the starter warned.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a two-iron. I’ll hold it over my head.”
“What?”
“Not even God can hit a two-iron.”
#30words30days #risk
“It’s okay,” I said. “I have a two-iron. I’ll hold it over my head.”
“What?”
“Not even God can hit a two-iron.”
#30words30days #risk
“Old man Walton’s sermons could raise the dead,” Gladys chirped to Wilma about the former rugger star.
Wilma put away her glasses. “Aye, bawls like a bull.”
“Oh ‘as he?”
#30words30days #raise
Wilma put away her glasses. “Aye, bawls like a bull.”
“Oh ‘as he?”
#30words30days #raise
June 23, 2025 at 11:55 AM
“Old man Walton’s sermons could raise the dead,” Gladys chirped to Wilma about the former rugger star.
Wilma put away her glasses. “Aye, bawls like a bull.”
“Oh ‘as he?”
#30words30days #raise
Wilma put away her glasses. “Aye, bawls like a bull.”
“Oh ‘as he?”
#30words30days #raise
“You look like seven days of rain.”
“You would too, Dad, if your team took a weekly drubbing.”
“Yes, seven days without a win makes one weak.”
“Stuff it, Dad.”
#30words30days #rain
“You would too, Dad, if your team took a weekly drubbing.”
“Yes, seven days without a win makes one weak.”
“Stuff it, Dad.”
#30words30days #rain
June 23, 2025 at 12:12 AM
“You look like seven days of rain.”
“You would too, Dad, if your team took a weekly drubbing.”
“Yes, seven days without a win makes one weak.”
“Stuff it, Dad.”
#30words30days #rain
“You would too, Dad, if your team took a weekly drubbing.”
“Yes, seven days without a win makes one weak.”
“Stuff it, Dad.”
#30words30days #rain
Ms Cranston put him on the timeout stool. “Reflect on your behaviour.”
Johnny had blown out the candles on Suzie’s cake.
“Should I have left one lit?” he shouted out.
#30words30days #reflect
Johnny had blown out the candles on Suzie’s cake.
“Should I have left one lit?” he shouted out.
#30words30days #reflect
June 22, 2025 at 10:42 AM
Ms Cranston put him on the timeout stool. “Reflect on your behaviour.”
Johnny had blown out the candles on Suzie’s cake.
“Should I have left one lit?” he shouted out.
#30words30days #reflect
Johnny had blown out the candles on Suzie’s cake.
“Should I have left one lit?” he shouted out.
#30words30days #reflect
I feel exposed.
June 21, 2025 at 9:55 AM
I feel exposed.
“Drew rules the roost,” Jayne said, as Drew flipped the burgers at the PTA bbq.
Sarah spilled a lemonade. “Who’s he belong to?”
“Amy. Kindergarten.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
#30words30days #roost
Sarah spilled a lemonade. “Who’s he belong to?”
“Amy. Kindergarten.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
#30words30days #roost
June 19, 2025 at 11:16 PM
“Drew rules the roost,” Jayne said, as Drew flipped the burgers at the PTA bbq.
Sarah spilled a lemonade. “Who’s he belong to?”
“Amy. Kindergarten.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
#30words30days #roost
Sarah spilled a lemonade. “Who’s he belong to?”
“Amy. Kindergarten.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
#30words30days #roost
Another scorcher
June 19, 2025 at 10:19 AM
Another scorcher
Zor took the census: “Only six of the initial landing group remain.”
“Where’d they go?” Kai asked.
“Most went back.”
“We made it that nice for them.”
“Or maybe not.”
#30words30days #remain
“Where’d they go?” Kai asked.
“Most went back.”
“We made it that nice for them.”
“Or maybe not.”
#30words30days #remain
June 18, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Zor took the census: “Only six of the initial landing group remain.”
“Where’d they go?” Kai asked.
“Most went back.”
“We made it that nice for them.”
“Or maybe not.”
#30words30days #remain
“Where’d they go?” Kai asked.
“Most went back.”
“We made it that nice for them.”
“Or maybe not.”
#30words30days #remain
Warren snickered: “If I said ‘you are an ASS,’ the accent would be on the sentence’s object. But if I said YOU were an ass. The accent? That’s on you.”
#30words30days #object
#30words30days #object
June 17, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Warren snickered: “If I said ‘you are an ASS,’ the accent would be on the sentence’s object. But if I said YOU were an ass. The accent? That’s on you.”
#30words30days #object
#30words30days #object
[sound of applause, and pawns shuffling two spaces]
June 16, 2025 at 11:57 PM
[sound of applause, and pawns shuffling two spaces]
Because he’d traveled the farthest to the tournament, Chester was allowed to pick his first opponent. He chose the youngest competitor, the speed-chess world champion. It was over very quickly.
#30words30days #opponent
#30words30days #opponent
June 16, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Because he’d traveled the farthest to the tournament, Chester was allowed to pick his first opponent. He chose the youngest competitor, the speed-chess world champion. It was over very quickly.
#30words30days #opponent
#30words30days #opponent
Stan drizzled his finest olive oil. “Do you say tow-mate-ohs or tow-maht-ohs?”, he said mocking his guests. A sprinkle of sea salt. A few sprigs of parsley. “I say perfection.”
#30words30days #olive
#30words30days #olive
June 16, 2025 at 9:00 AM
Stan drizzled his finest olive oil. “Do you say tow-mate-ohs or tow-maht-ohs?”, he said mocking his guests. A sprinkle of sea salt. A few sprigs of parsley. “I say perfection.”
#30words30days #olive
#30words30days #olive
Brian barricaded himself in his bedroom.
Dad knocked. “Open sesame.”
“Go. Away.”
Mom, less diplomatic: “If I come in, you’ll be grounded for more than just a day.”
[unlocking sounds]
#30words30days #open
Dad knocked. “Open sesame.”
“Go. Away.”
Mom, less diplomatic: “If I come in, you’ll be grounded for more than just a day.”
[unlocking sounds]
#30words30days #open
June 15, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Brian barricaded himself in his bedroom.
Dad knocked. “Open sesame.”
“Go. Away.”
Mom, less diplomatic: “If I come in, you’ll be grounded for more than just a day.”
[unlocking sounds]
#30words30days #open
Dad knocked. “Open sesame.”
“Go. Away.”
Mom, less diplomatic: “If I come in, you’ll be grounded for more than just a day.”
[unlocking sounds]
#30words30days #open
He took an oath to tell the truth. But once he started, with all those people listening to him—finally—he couldn’t stop. ‘wouldn’t hurt to spin a few yarns.
#30words30days #oath
#30words30days #oath
June 14, 2025 at 9:41 AM
He took an oath to tell the truth. But once he started, with all those people listening to him—finally—he couldn’t stop. ‘wouldn’t hurt to spin a few yarns.
#30words30days #oath
#30words30days #oath
“Order!”
“Sorry,” the late-comer implored, “my wife is about to conceive a baby.”
Reubens stood. “My friend meant to say ‘have’ a baby.”
“Adjournment! Either way, he’d better be there.”
#30words30days #order
“Sorry,” the late-comer implored, “my wife is about to conceive a baby.”
Reubens stood. “My friend meant to say ‘have’ a baby.”
“Adjournment! Either way, he’d better be there.”
#30words30days #order
June 12, 2025 at 11:52 PM
“Order!”
“Sorry,” the late-comer implored, “my wife is about to conceive a baby.”
Reubens stood. “My friend meant to say ‘have’ a baby.”
“Adjournment! Either way, he’d better be there.”
#30words30days #order
“Sorry,” the late-comer implored, “my wife is about to conceive a baby.”
Reubens stood. “My friend meant to say ‘have’ a baby.”
“Adjournment! Either way, he’d better be there.”
#30words30days #order