Evan Rossi
@applecart.bsky.social
Stand up and sketch comedy. Radioman on the radio. Ugly tape based media mangle as DAKTYLOI. Sometimes other things. Don't worry about it.
DAKTYLOI.bandcamp.com if you want a bad time.
DAKTYLOI.bandcamp.com if you want a bad time.
FOR SALE: One well loved Starship 4000.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an anime-style gravity chamber for EXTREME MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING, and let me tell you it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 72 hours to move out.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an anime-style gravity chamber for EXTREME MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING, and let me tell you it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 72 hours to move out.
December 16, 2025 at 4:56 PM
FOR SALE: One well loved Starship 4000.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an anime-style gravity chamber for EXTREME MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING, and let me tell you it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 72 hours to move out.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an anime-style gravity chamber for EXTREME MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING, and let me tell you it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 72 hours to move out.
Keep your trendy Stanley or Yeti cups I've been drinking out of this WWF Undertaker edition Super Soaker for over 20 years. It doesn't keep the coffee hot & it's pretty messy to drink from & I've never known how to clean it out properly so it smells bad but on the other hand go fuck yourself.
December 8, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Keep your trendy Stanley or Yeti cups I've been drinking out of this WWF Undertaker edition Super Soaker for over 20 years. It doesn't keep the coffee hot & it's pretty messy to drink from & I've never known how to clean it out properly so it smells bad but on the other hand go fuck yourself.
The quiz was like 300 questions long I don't understand any of this.
May 20, 2025 at 8:10 PM
The quiz was like 300 questions long I don't understand any of this.
Going through old picture files and I find this thing that I made almost 10 years ago. I spent a whole 30 seconds in MS Paint on it. I'm trying to remember the entire pitch that surrounded it but now I can only recall "Kelsey Hologrammer". Anyway it made me laugh for a solid minute this morning.
April 30, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Going through old picture files and I find this thing that I made almost 10 years ago. I spent a whole 30 seconds in MS Paint on it. I'm trying to remember the entire pitch that surrounded it but now I can only recall "Kelsey Hologrammer". Anyway it made me laugh for a solid minute this morning.
"I wonder if this- Oh okay, good."
April 29, 2025 at 5:15 PM
"I wonder if this- Oh okay, good."
Sultan of Goofy Golf.
March 24, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Sultan of Goofy Golf.
MEGABED! GO TO SLEEP! GO TO SLEEP FOREVER! MMMMEGABED!
DRINK YOUR BREAKFAST WINE AND REGRET PURCHASING MEGABED!!
DRINK YOUR BREAKFAST WINE AND REGRET PURCHASING MEGABED!!
January 8, 2025 at 5:33 PM
MEGABED! GO TO SLEEP! GO TO SLEEP FOREVER! MMMMEGABED!
DRINK YOUR BREAKFAST WINE AND REGRET PURCHASING MEGABED!!
DRINK YOUR BREAKFAST WINE AND REGRET PURCHASING MEGABED!!
Underrated parties.
December 22, 2024 at 4:27 PM
Underrated parties.
Marshall Banana. The best dude. Pay respects to the best dude if you have a minute.
October 17, 2024 at 3:06 PM
Marshall Banana. The best dude. Pay respects to the best dude if you have a minute.
The Alito flag thing is nothing once everyone knows what I know, that Justice Kagan's garage is filled, TOP TO BOTTOM, with Shaq Pepsis.
May 23, 2024 at 4:19 PM
The Alito flag thing is nothing once everyone knows what I know, that Justice Kagan's garage is filled, TOP TO BOTTOM, with Shaq Pepsis.
Reference photo for "Still Life With Irresponsibly Large Cold Brew Coffee Jar & Windows 98 Boot Disk".
May 22, 2024 at 4:41 PM
Reference photo for "Still Life With Irresponsibly Large Cold Brew Coffee Jar & Windows 98 Boot Disk".
This is a real graph they have on their website. THIS IS A REAL GRAPH THEY HAVE ON THEIR WEBSITE.
March 29, 2024 at 4:13 PM
This is a real graph they have on their website. THIS IS A REAL GRAPH THEY HAVE ON THEIR WEBSITE.
Hell yes a hot plate of Gom Jabbabs. Never would have believed it myself but for the proof. You see, the grill denatures the poison WHILE the poison makes the lamb meat even more succulent. Pairs perfectly with several other food based Dune puns I don't know I'm already sick of looking at it.
March 14, 2024 at 2:37 PM
Hell yes a hot plate of Gom Jabbabs. Never would have believed it myself but for the proof. You see, the grill denatures the poison WHILE the poison makes the lamb meat even more succulent. Pairs perfectly with several other food based Dune puns I don't know I'm already sick of looking at it.
My local tire store has a wings machine!
February 21, 2024 at 3:46 PM
My local tire store has a wings machine!
It seems no one cares that I'm getting really good at Wawa Slaloms, but I just cleared my first black diamond run.
February 20, 2024 at 4:12 PM
It seems no one cares that I'm getting really good at Wawa Slaloms, but I just cleared my first black diamond run.
I am impatient with software, poor at photoshop and mostly dislike memes. For a brief minute a few years back, I harnessed those qualities to make some (what I think are) truly funny failures of the format. Also it's never a bad time to crap on Dennis.
February 8, 2024 at 6:21 PM
I am impatient with software, poor at photoshop and mostly dislike memes. For a brief minute a few years back, I harnessed those qualities to make some (what I think are) truly funny failures of the format. Also it's never a bad time to crap on Dennis.
MAYBE the worst thing I've ever done but the worms wouldn't leave me alone until I fired up MS Paint.
January 30, 2024 at 7:11 PM
MAYBE the worst thing I've ever done but the worms wouldn't leave me alone until I fired up MS Paint.
FOR SALE: One used Starship 4000.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an extreme gravity chamber for HARDCORE ANIME TRAINING. And no, it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 48 hours head's up so I can dismantle the chemical toilet & move out.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an extreme gravity chamber for HARDCORE ANIME TRAINING. And no, it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 48 hours head's up so I can dismantle the chemical toilet & move out.
January 17, 2024 at 5:15 PM
FOR SALE: One used Starship 4000.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an extreme gravity chamber for HARDCORE ANIME TRAINING. And no, it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 48 hours head's up so I can dismantle the chemical toilet & move out.
WARNING: This WILL NOT WORK as an extreme gravity chamber for HARDCORE ANIME TRAINING. And no, it doesn't matter what kind of music you play inside it.
You'll need to bring a trailer & give me 48 hours head's up so I can dismantle the chemical toilet & move out.
Flashback to when I was on the news in my Merzbow drip explaining how some rough neighborhood teens whipped me with jasmine vines & then one of them shot frozen edamame at me with a paintball gun while YET ANOTHER used the jasmine sap to glue my eyes shut.
January 3, 2024 at 4:43 PM
Flashback to when I was on the news in my Merzbow drip explaining how some rough neighborhood teens whipped me with jasmine vines & then one of them shot frozen edamame at me with a paintball gun while YET ANOTHER used the jasmine sap to glue my eyes shut.
My high school reunion is coming up and I just dug out this picture of my social circle to pass around. We were known as the ULTRA BEST FRIENDS SQUAD and I was practically married to that bald cap and knife combo.
December 7, 2023 at 6:07 PM
My high school reunion is coming up and I just dug out this picture of my social circle to pass around. We were known as the ULTRA BEST FRIENDS SQUAD and I was practically married to that bald cap and knife combo.
THANK YOU GRANDMA JEBNIFER
December 5, 2023 at 6:45 PM
THANK YOU GRANDMA JEBNIFER