Penguins Softness Rating: Maybe other parts of them are soft, but their wings on my shins felt like being hit by 2x4s. Evil minded and smelling little bastards.

We go outside, so I can show the police the old plans in context. I look into the hole the workers dug. See the pavement blocks, the sand they laid them on, and below that, rich black dirt. I exclaim "Oh! That's graveyard dirt! I'd know it anywhere! That's well fed dirt, if you know what I mean."

And so I say to the detectives "look, I know it's a weird question, but when you've confirmed they're old graveyard bones, not murder bones, can we have them back?"

And the detectives say "... We've never been asked that before..."

So when it happens, do you think the mortician/cosmetologist will make him look normal, or normal for him?

The name reminds me of the time someone told me my cat looks like a nice lady with an office job.

Oh, well, if you insist…