would you also say it's affordable for most people? 🤔

just encountered a solution:

"i am different being now, but my habits, residence, relations are of the old, i must construct a new world, forge new relationships, find new hangout spouts, find new company that appeals to the new me"

preoccupations:

- i am still optimising for the correct life, including a good amount of hedonistic must-haves
- i want to be too many things, that the vectors cancel out to be zero, for e.g.: "can't get a tattoo, the nerds will hate me", "can't be a traveller, it is so mainstream"

but I DON'T KNOW how to make any other kind of relationship, i don't know how to love, clearly i still care about my preoccupations

well, my egoistic indulgences are as follows, i take pride and comfort in

- emotional safety with my partner, sex is a big part of it
- my money
- my brain

- "know who you are and you will know what to do", well, i am nothing, i don't exist, all narratives that my brain is capable of are fiction

my relationships, instead of being of comfort/fear/greed because i know there is nothing that could me make me whole, since i am already whole

- "become a millionaire" is wrong, i already don't know what to do with the little money i have, it seems like building a stronger wall to protect against the flood, without knowing what to do when there's no food

other conclusions such as:

- "eradicate other peoples pain" is wrong, since i don't care

- "become strong" is wrong, for what?

i have reached other conclusions, as well, "as you so have achieved your freedoms, in actuality you swapped your chains for chains that you like -- there's still no freedom, just new chains"
must get rid of other chains now, but maybe this is the same conclusion as "getting rid of my preoccupations"

here we are, we have reached one more conclusion, get rid of preoccupations

SURE, but that's not enough to live life by

since all the big preoccupations have left me, i am not interested in anything, it's as if a monster ate me but i'm not dead yet, i'm in its belly trapped

but i don't feel confident about it, i don't think i am capable of it and kids don't try, right? it happens automatically, given, there's no preoccupation

i may have preoccupations, not as much an average person, but i do, since if i didn't, id be childlike

i am 100% confident when i advice other people, and i feel my advice is great, thanks to all the philosophy

but what even is "play", that i am supposed to be doing? am i even capable of it?

sure, kids aren't in over their heads, they just go grab what they find interesting, forget they exist

i have read huge amount of philosophy to answer this question, i have seemingly maybe even arrived at solutions, but theory or manufactured decisions fades into memory, since every morning is a new, i am left to my tendencies and my environment, and i have to reason "what to do" from the start