Wishing whoever edited the Wikipedia page for peas to sound like “pee is stored in the balls” a very pleasant evening.

Me when it’s the third of September

Mr. Krabs is so afraid of ghosts because he fears they will come to him at night and haunt him out of being a miser.

Don't you dare turn your eyes away from history, even the awful, scary parts. If you don't watch it with your own eyes, you rely on others to tell you what you saw. We must all bear witness to what's coming.

I’m such a fool! I’ve been submitting my pithy op eds to the New Yorker, like a caveman, when I could have been sending them to PornHub? Our era’s bastion of witty social commentary??

Oh boy my 2025 horoscope chart looks promising!

They had to make these two brothers or all those 70s moms would be asking which one was the top

Fashion Tip: assless chaps go with everything and are appropriate for all occasions, including weddings, baby showers, first communions, and job interviews.

😳