drunk enough to be a portland driver

way to tell us it was hung in the improper underhand fashion without actually taking a side

the trainer who ran the puppy socials i took bagel to named all his animals "things you shouldn't do to animals". the one i remember is his cat named punt

commander toxoplasmosis is a top tier name for a cat. if i were to ever share my house with a cat i would steal that name in a second. (i spent the morning at the dog park trying to convince my friend to convince them to adopt the puppy they are fostering and name it stinky)

my gpu is definitely undervolted today

wish i could find it, but there is a skeet where he tries to imply a reporter was obsessed with someone's balls, and this bozo is just too self-unaware to get how hard she roasted him in her reply

my weather app says it isn't going to rain after today and i choose to believe that *water level in basement continues to rise as i type*

Use it in waffle batter!

my favorite brewery did a lobster kolsch, which was brewed using lobster tail shells, and i cannot convey the disgust i experienced watching people who ordered more than one

this is like when @faineg.bsky.social mayonnaise posts

i like the jiggly sleep cocoon

can we get a recipe?

they got your ass!

bigger bullshit the farther north you move

there's also two kinds of persimmon; one that is hard when ripe and the soft kind. it's a very confusing fruit!

now i feel justified in hating that song!

it only takes one carefully concealed raisin to ruin thanksgiving for an enemy

the correct action is not to avoid raisins entirely, but instead to add one while plating for each person in attendance who has wronged you