One day I need to have a sit down with my parents and explain what homophobia is and what I usually experience on a day to day because I genuinely get the impression that they think everyone is chill and normal about it when in fact I have been called faggot three times so far this month lol

The fantastic thing about growing up in a home with two parents that grew up in alcoholic households is that I constantly question when I have a drink why I am drinking and sometimes it comes down to mama wants a drink which is valid

I always hear about people saying they’re constipated and my god I wish that was me since all my favorite foods are essentially just a fiber one bar in disguise

I think the best place in the world is a complimentary hotel breakfast bar and everywhere else is just second place at best

The brutality of wanting to go to a Lunch Place at it being inexplicably closed on Mondays is true pain

The general vibes I hope I give off when posting is this because it is actually what I am doing on my phone at all times

There’s a funeral home near my job with an el Camino out front with a like truck bed cover and I have to wonder if someone has just had the best funeral procession of all time

I think I appreciate living alone because I just spent the morning getting ready doing a Cher impression saying “wagon wheel watsui” to myself over and over and I don’t think anyone could take that for as long as I did it

I know I’m getting too comfortable at my job because a coworker asked me what I was listening to and I said “The Indigo Girls because it’s full dyke hours over here”

I think the worst thing about the aging workforce is that every morning on my commute through downtown I see some ancient asshole in a $70000 car just making maybe the dumbest driving choices that would make mr Magoo weep

I get screamed at all the time by mentally unstable people but the most intimidating person I regularly interact with is the old lady at the korean market I go to all the time

My favorite thing about following CNN on Twitter is the extremely pissed off right wing comments beneath each post calling CNN a shitty organization. Like imagine explaining to Dan from Arkansas what hate following is

that robot would have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever (divorce him)

Man I love that every time anything medical happens to any decrepitly aged politician I get to basically watch my social media just collectively cross their fingers hoping it’s the big one

My favorite thing about my job is that I’m trying to help people who are down on their luck and get to hear crazy stories every day. I never have the same day twice just yesterday an opposing party was killed in a random shootout and today I got sworn at by an old lady because I caught her in a lie.

I have to figure out how to use this to really dig into the recesses of bad takes and insane people that’s the only correct usage of the internet anyways