Apparently I’m at the point in my life that when I take my pills before bed, I take them like you’d eat a handful of peanuts. I just fill up my hand, tilt my head back, and drop a few in my mouth at a time.

Kaleb Horton, again: "It's sad how many RTs you get by saying the world is ending instead of admitting the scary truth that it's not and there's work to do in it."

Elon Musk: “I work 180 hours a week and have 14ish kids. Why can’t everyone else work 180 hours a week and have 14ish kids?”

The pile of 100 billion dollars in the corner of his bedroom: “I dunno man, it just doesn’t make sense…”

So trump says you can only be male or female and that cannot be changed.

I need a clarification here. Where we all start as female and some of us develop into males prior to birth, does that mean that we’re all female? Or are fetuses not people until they’re born?

My wife: “Are you going to make a second breakfast?”

Me: “I’m no hobbit.”

My wife: “you’re not a dwarf either.”

Me (very offended): “Fuck you” *proceeds to cry*