i dunno . im mega salty like dude u didnt wanna have a say in my life when i needed it!!!!!!!!!

its rough when people are so one track minded with your own issues, its because of my own efforts that im even getting medical attention in the first place. i filled out my own paperwork, i filed for my own insurance, finally taking care of myself and now shes angry that im not.. doing enough ?

reaching out an actual helping hand like parents are supposed to do 🫩 i love it when she calls but damn dude, this one ended with me being more taken aback than anything... it was so awkward.

i understand where shes coming from, its unhealthy for someone to live the way i do but thats /because/ im unhealthy. like. on my worst days im literally bed ridden. girl i can only do so much😭 and what good is it gonna do to tell me to just Get better and do better instead of-

she tells me i need to get out more, and do what exactly? what business is it to her when i havent lived with her since i graduated high school?? why should i be the one punished when its because of her that im held back so much?

how i wont amount to anything and topped it off with a "oh, hbd btw" siggh. why does everything suddenly feel all the more humiliating now that im turning 20? its like becoming 18 all over again and everyones just cracking down on how normal people my age are out and about doing . whatever.

2026 was created to take me off of the map🫩 woke up today and it hurts to close my jaw the full way, so i can barely eat.. im so frustrated and the more i have to think about it the more helpless i feel. why is there so much wrong all at once

i felt so awful today that thinking of anything about it is starting to scare me a bit.. i have more appointments than i thought id have to attend, but, we'll get through it. said with a clenched fist and tears in my eyes

it was kinda silly, one of the nurses told me when i picked up "hi! okay so ur lab results from the last time we saw you, they seem exemplary except for this.. and this, and this.. oh and this.. and.. oh theyre not good at all 😧" WNSOXJSK ah.. i dunno

i had to talk to multiple ladies over the phone to discuss certain issues, they were all very nice and we laughed a little over the huge fucking list of concerns my bloodwork brought up (╥﹏╥)

today was a bad day in terms of my own health, i only just started to feel like im coming alive again.. and, i think the cherry on top of it all was getting a call from my doctors right before my nap.