We are Stitch and Fucking Bitches!

They’re lawless murderers. Your words here are no better than “thoughts and prayers”—and these people are no different than the school shooters your toothless colleagues say that about. Do more. Do better.

Team raw: shaved with lemon zest, lemon juice, and julienned apple. The zest really amps up the lemon flavor to balance the sprouts without making them too sour, and the apple brings crunch and sweetness. You could also throw candied nut on top, too if you’re into it.

AKA Pedophilia for Dummies

But: Haverford has a relatively small endowment because the Quakers believed investing in the stock market was gambling, so they missed out on the huge gains of the market through most of the 20th century—so they look like an easy target.