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The Realistic Caregiver

@caregiverqueen.bsky.social

740 followers 940 following 700 posts

I'm Laura Raymond, a family caregiver advocate & writer. Daily caregiving tips & advice here, plus new articles published each Friday on Substack. Available for personalized care plans & help, too. 💙💙💙 You Got This!

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · Jan 1

There's more than 39 million caregivers working in America, and most of us are struggling. Many of us are unpaid, or paid very little. And any local support you may have is often hard to find.

My goal in 2025 is to help as many of us family caregivers as I can. Please reach out when you need help!

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6h

Thank you so much for sharing this! Dignity in death for everyone is a beautiful life's work.

Raven’s Call : Aging & End of Life guide in Oregon @endoflifecare.bsky.social · 16h

End of Life Guides, Midwives, and EOL Doulas, here’s a great resource.

Neurodivergent folks are our clients, too.

Dr Emma Clare @dremmaclare.bsky.social · 2d

I’ve been writing about neurodivergence in end-of-life care and advance planning and hearing from people who want to do better but don’t know where to start.

This work means a lot to me. I’ve gathered it all in one place - my new site is live: www.deathwireddifferently.co.uk

#DeathWiredDifferently

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6h

#Tip: For the best self-care, ask yourself, "What gives me joy?"

It doesn’t matter what it is. If it makes you happy, then commit to taking time away from #caregiving and just do it. Actively schedule it.

Find your own way to unplug that's separate from caregiving and everything it entails.

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 1d

If you are a new family caregiver, it's vital to initiate a firm, detailed self-care program in place for yourself at the very beginning and stick to it.

#Tip: Going into #caregiving with the knowledge that you MUST actively care for yourself too can prevent so much stress and grief. For everyone.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 2d

Burnt out family members break the Caregiver Golden Rule.

When your caregiving duties stretch out from weeks to months to years, a lot of us simply give up hope for our own futures.

When your worldview is bleak, finding little ways to care for yourself seems pointless.

#Tip: You still matter.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 3d

Excellent advice! I'm going to try this, thank you!

dementiaaide.bsky.social @dementiaaide.bsky.social · 3d

When I was working 12 hour shifts in skilled nursing every so often I would take 30 seconds and go up on my tiptoes. It definitely works to relieve tired feet

tiptoes.it

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 3d

The worst offenders of breaking the Caregiver Golden Rule are those of us caring for someone we adore.

When you love someone, #caregiving doesn't seem like "work."

But it still affects your mind, body & spirit, and it catches up to you fast.

#Tip: Even scheduling a 2 minute dance break helps.

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 4d

The Golden Rule for #caregivers is this: You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you’re no good to anyone else.

It’s called the Golden Rule because it’s the most important rule, but it’s also the easiest one to break.

#Tip: Sleeping, showering & eating regularly help tremendously!

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 4d

Amen, sister.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 4d

Thank you so much for sharing this. I had no idea. Alzheimer’s is such a horrible disease as it is; to add more stress to families is morally repugnant.

Queenslanders for End of Life Legal Options @q4eollo.fyi · 4d

An Australian perspective on Dementia 👇

💚🌏Myles🌏💚 @mylesjaybee.bsky.social · 6d

Dementia is now the leading cause of death in Australia, yet families are left waiting months or years for properly staffed residential care. The system recognises the disease as fatal, but still refuses to treat those living with it as a priority!
#auspol

Reposted by The Realistic Caregiver

Chronic Illness Humor @chronicillness.bsky.social · 5d

Source: somanyjacks-writes on Tumblr

somanyjacks-writes on Tumblr

I don't know who needs to hear this, but If the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it system maintenance" and see If that clicks.

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 5d

Yes!!! One of my all-time favorites, thank you for sharing this.

If you're up for a giggle, watch the Yacht Rock video about the song influencing Warren G. My son and I still quote from it.

"We're gonna do some crimes, steal some sh!t... F&$k that stop sign!"

youtu.be/aKcrGM_yWMI?...

Yacht Rock 7 HD

YouTube video by Hunter Stair

youtu.be

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 5d

The hardest part of being a #caregiver is taking better care of ourselves.

#Tip: Airlines tell you to “Put the oxygen mask on your own face first.”

They know this is the smartest and safest thing to do in a crisis because you can't help anyone else if you’re dead.

They're not being dramatic.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 5d

This is so good to know, thank you!

Raven’s Call : Aging & End of Life guide in Oregon @endoflifecare.bsky.social · 5d

True also for hospice services and hospice houses in the US states that allow Medical Aid in Dying, also known in Oregon as using the Death with Dignity Act. Some religiously based hospice services prohibit their employees from being involved, though this seems to be decreasing.

Queenslanders for End of Life Legal Options @q4eollo.fyi · 6d

From Go Gentle re aged care:

"Always be prepared. Ask an aged care facility as far in advance as you can if VAD can take place on their premises. Ideally, find out the provider's position on VAD before becoming resident in their facility. This means you can plan, and avoid any unexpected transfers"

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

I love this!

Denise Brown @caregiving.bsky.social · 6d

We experience so much stress during our caregiving experience. Struggling to find someone who can receive the stories of our heartache and heartbreak added to our stress.

It's why we host the #Caregiving Listener Project so you can connect with a Volunteer Listening Artist.

youtu.be/jjXm1Tg_acs

Tell Us What May Be Difficult to Tell Another: Caregiving Listener Project

YouTube video by Caring Our Way through the Caregiving Years

youtu.be

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Being in the hospital is never a completely pleasant experience, but your attitude going in can make a BIG difference.

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/the-realis...

The Realistic Caregiver's Tips of the Week!

September 24 – 30, 2025 (The last of hospital tips, I promise!)

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Spend enough time in caregiving forums and you'll see the term "my watch has ended" when someone's loved one passes away. It's a beautiful expression that really captures what caregiving feels like.

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/when-your-...

When Your Watch Has Ended

Life After Caregiving

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

#Tip: The American medical system is forcing family #caregivers to handle as much of their loved one’s care as possible.

When you add that with the fact that families receive little to no training on how to properly care for their loved one?

It’s a recipe for disaster. And we see it every day.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Oh, you're preaching to the choir! I completely know how impossible it feels when the house is on fire.

But the more I read about the physical effects of it, I have to say something, you know?

Too many of my beloved comrades are suffering, as I know you are as well. Keep fighting, my friend!

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Long-term caregiving (longer than 6 weeks of hands-on care) unfortunately also causes chronic stress.

Although it won't kill you directly, chronic stress can lead to depression, anxiety, digestive issues, &/or weakened immunity.

And if you always put your own needs last?

It never leads to good.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

Did you know that many caregivers can become seriously ill after caring for a loved one?

Why? Because caregivers are great at taking care of everyone else but themselves, sadly.

#Tip: Schedule regular rest times for yourself and stick to it!

No one else is watching out for you except for you.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 9d

Being in the hospital is always a struggle, even for friends & family.

#Tip: Keeping your mind and body flexible helps to "go with the flow."

This is something beyond your control, so why bother trying?

If you're courteous, helpful, and respectful, your hospital experience can be manageable.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 10d

If your loved one is in the hospital and sharing a room, you may not be able to stay overnight with them if you're of the opposite sex.

#Tip: If you insist on staying overnight, be prepared to sleep in the lobby or hallway.

But I've found that by staying calm & polite, you'll get what you need.

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 11d

#Tip: If your loved one is at the hospital for weeks, keep an eye out for special events.

They often provide entertainment like #music to help raise funds for health awareness programs.

Look for jewelry & craft fairs around the holidays, too! You'll get great deals & support local #artists.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 11d

Oh, honey. I hate days like that, too. Biggest of hugs if you'd like some.

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The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 12d

#Tip: When it comes to actual hospital food, it's not all terrible!

For example, Baylor Hospital offers both chocolate & vanilla pudding daily on their menu.

My brother would order 2 or 3 each day, so he'd always have something yummy to snack on.

Lucky for me, he'd share sometimes!