Also, shoutout to the random pup who I kept waving at, only to realise like 20 minutes after the event that this was a stranger and not someone I knew 😅

I'm still on my computer often, but I find it's because I want to, not because I need to hide. I can also enjoy going for a drive or cooking or catching up with friends.

Life isn't about being forced to survive anymore. It's about the freedom to make whatever choice I wish to make

It's only now that I'm able to process the trauma and my situation because I'm no longer running away and surviving.

I don't need to lie or agree with someone to survive, I can just be me with my opinions, wants, and needs.

Authenticity matters because I don't have to live a lie anymore

I made many many mistakes, and for a large time, I muted how I felt in favour of sheer suvivalism. Mental health? Ignored. Parties? Ignored. Education, qualifications, building support networks, and getting jobs to survive? Absolutely.

It's only in the last 2 years, and even now, that I feel....me

Surprising absolutely no one (except for my family), I ran away from home and had to figure out how to live on my own, finance hardships, housing hardships, making friends, losing friends, being betrayed, misunderstood, and even making friendships that lasted, all while being scared of going back.

It was wild how I didn't have to look over my shoulder or pretend to be okay, or justify an essay of going outside (none of the "who are you meeting, where are you going? Check in every 15 minutes or else.

But, school holidays occur, and the boarding house closes, and once again, I'm home

So naturally, these arguments continue, and I get sent to a boarding house at an all boys school "to give me a break" (oh noooo, only boys?? What a shame)

For me, this was a taste of freedom, of regular life, no abusers, no control, internet availability, but also no need for escapism.

Coming back to reality was often very jarring, especially if the abuser was known to often create situations that meant coming back to reality, like having an Ethernet cable disconnected in the middle of a game

Naturally, arguments would occur and play into the narcissistic hands

A large part of my life was actively searching for ways of escapism. Naturally, video games were the selection, especially if I could use the internet as it had some semblance of what a normal life or interaction could be.

It worked great, except for when you had to come back to reality

I imagine there's a psychological link here, like maybe heavy self reliance or something like that

Everyone you meet is a jigsaw puzzle, and some have almost all of their pieces, and others have almost none of their pieces.

This group doesn't help me find the existing missing pieces, but they do help me create new pieces where the existing pieces were originally.

Idk, I just really liked it.

Could a lack of reciprocity in a friendship even be considered breaching boundaries?

Is a one-way friendship breaking boundaries if you didn't even explicitly state it? Surely a friendship is automatically implied to be two way?

Ideally, I can overcome RSD in the future so that events like these aren't so hurtful.

Although if specific people make a pattern of this, is this more reflective of boundaries (and eventual distancing) needing to be established?