Chelsea
@chelsea-the-witch.bsky.social
Alumnus of heaven and hell 💖💜💙
I ate and I’m not evil anymore until the next time I forget to eat and become evil again
February 2, 2026 at 12:18 AM
I ate and I’m not evil anymore until the next time I forget to eat and become evil again
I heard too many noises I didn’t ask to hear and now I need someone to throw a blanket over me like a bird that’s ready for bedtime.
February 1, 2026 at 11:34 PM
I heard too many noises I didn’t ask to hear and now I need someone to throw a blanket over me like a bird that’s ready for bedtime.
Maybe Elon Musk is the argument against adopting “I don’t do drugs, I just do ketamine” as a lifestyle
February 1, 2026 at 6:08 PM
Maybe Elon Musk is the argument against adopting “I don’t do drugs, I just do ketamine” as a lifestyle
Okay actually balance sheets are kinda fun once I stop throwing a fit about spending Saturday night with Financial and Managerial Accounting
February 1, 2026 at 4:25 AM
Okay actually balance sheets are kinda fun once I stop throwing a fit about spending Saturday night with Financial and Managerial Accounting
God Elon Musk is such a fucking dork I’m embarrassed that we share a species
January 31, 2026 at 6:15 AM
God Elon Musk is such a fucking dork I’m embarrassed that we share a species
Apparently Matt Mahan is running for governor and I’m not wild about him, but he was at my birthday party last year. So, you know. There’s that.
January 31, 2026 at 3:18 AM
Apparently Matt Mahan is running for governor and I’m not wild about him, but he was at my birthday party last year. So, you know. There’s that.
I walked into the piercing shop and the person who greeted me was like “you’re here for a septum?” CLOCKED
January 31, 2026 at 1:10 AM
I walked into the piercing shop and the person who greeted me was like “you’re here for a septum?” CLOCKED
I’m not like an expert on straight people or anything, but if you write poems to your Subaru maybe you might wanna put on The L Word and see if it awakens anything within you.
January 30, 2026 at 4:46 AM
I’m not like an expert on straight people or anything, but if you write poems to your Subaru maybe you might wanna put on The L Word and see if it awakens anything within you.
Reposted by Chelsea
He dropped his rose performatively to see if you would pick it up what do you do
January 29, 2026 at 10:52 PM
He dropped his rose performatively to see if you would pick it up what do you do
Telling someone I want to be an accountant usually elicits some surprise but it’s nothing compared to the apparent shock of hearing this is my first time watching The L Word.
January 29, 2026 at 4:23 AM
Telling someone I want to be an accountant usually elicits some surprise but it’s nothing compared to the apparent shock of hearing this is my first time watching The L Word.
My English professor said “you can’t listen if you’re checking Facebook” and I had to check to make sure I hadn’t been slingshot back in time to 2005
January 29, 2026 at 3:28 AM
My English professor said “you can’t listen if you’re checking Facebook” and I had to check to make sure I hadn’t been slingshot back in time to 2005
My ex-husband hates BLTs and insists they aren’t sandwiches so every time I see anything even slightly BLT-related I send it to him. (We’re friends so that’s not the emotional terrorism it sounds like)
January 28, 2026 at 5:42 AM
My ex-husband hates BLTs and insists they aren’t sandwiches so every time I see anything even slightly BLT-related I send it to him. (We’re friends so that’s not the emotional terrorism it sounds like)
If you spent like $10k to make Bay Area traffic worse, I should get to throw a brick at you. Not your car. You.
January 28, 2026 at 3:52 AM
If you spent like $10k to make Bay Area traffic worse, I should get to throw a brick at you. Not your car. You.
I said my writing is inspired by the women’s magazines I read as a teenager because I think there’s enormous depth in exploring the shallows and now I’ve gotta hurl myself off the Dumbarton bridge as penance
January 28, 2026 at 1:58 AM
I said my writing is inspired by the women’s magazines I read as a teenager because I think there’s enormous depth in exploring the shallows and now I’ve gotta hurl myself off the Dumbarton bridge as penance
Oh no I became just a little bit too overstimulated while being just a little bit too hungry and now I’m The Worst Person Alive and sadly there is no cure
January 26, 2026 at 11:43 PM
Oh no I became just a little bit too overstimulated while being just a little bit too hungry and now I’m The Worst Person Alive and sadly there is no cure
There is a man with a cold at my house so basically I’m microdosing motherhood
January 26, 2026 at 8:30 PM
There is a man with a cold at my house so basically I’m microdosing motherhood
I told my friend’s mom that I’m going to be an accountant and every time she mentioned her own accountant she called him her finance guy and looked at me and gestured and I was just like “hell yeah I’m gonna be someone’s finance guy”
January 26, 2026 at 7:49 AM
I told my friend’s mom that I’m going to be an accountant and every time she mentioned her own accountant she called him her finance guy and looked at me and gestured and I was just like “hell yeah I’m gonna be someone’s finance guy”
Reposted by Chelsea
Oh my God you look great! Did you do a Faustian bargain too? You have got to tell me who your demon is
January 25, 2026 at 7:03 PM
Oh my God you look great! Did you do a Faustian bargain too? You have got to tell me who your demon is
Reposted by Chelsea
Man, I hate to break it to you, but I think the White House might actually be involved in all this.
I just spoke with the White House after another horrific shooting by federal agents this morning. Minnesota has had it. This is sickening.
The President must end this operation. Pull the thousands of violent, untrained officers out of Minnesota. Now.
The President must end this operation. Pull the thousands of violent, untrained officers out of Minnesota. Now.
January 24, 2026 at 4:19 PM
Man, I hate to break it to you, but I think the White House might actually be involved in all this.
There is a man with a cold in my house on this the last day of my winter break
January 23, 2026 at 11:07 PM
There is a man with a cold in my house on this the last day of my winter break
I think if my rampant bisexuality is not blatantly obvious to you… you probably don’t need to know about it? Like either the queerness in you sees the queerness in me or you’re straight and you’re probably just going to ask me something offensive.
January 23, 2026 at 10:11 PM
I think if my rampant bisexuality is not blatantly obvious to you… you probably don’t need to know about it? Like either the queerness in you sees the queerness in me or you’re straight and you’re probably just going to ask me something offensive.
My mom just pointed out that I’ve always related to queer people and I’m kinda just like yeah I think there’s actually a really good reason for that
January 23, 2026 at 7:54 PM
My mom just pointed out that I’ve always related to queer people and I’m kinda just like yeah I think there’s actually a really good reason for that
Help I mutually followed someone who was very cool when I interacted with them and now they keep posting things like “not all women squirt” and “my kink is when he tucks my hair behind my ear”
January 16, 2026 at 1:55 AM
Help I mutually followed someone who was very cool when I interacted with them and now they keep posting things like “not all women squirt” and “my kink is when he tucks my hair behind my ear”
“Ugh, that guy’s way too close to his ex,” I say as the expert on having a super normal relationship with your ex.
January 15, 2026 at 6:58 PM
“Ugh, that guy’s way too close to his ex,” I say as the expert on having a super normal relationship with your ex.
Reposted by Chelsea
