swag, hallowed be thy game 🙏

very carefully?

i love when this contract work overlaps so i can bounce from one project to the next!

a 418 error? it would go beep boop beep boop im a teapot

but now allow me to present a timeline where coffee and popcorn can coexist in the same heating device and cook/brew to perfection independently of the other item in superjavapopcornmaker3000, and both are ready right when you need them....this is a good ass timeline

okay now here is yet another timeline where the popcorn cooks you, but instead of actually putting you over a heat source, it just tells jokes about you - like a truly antagonistic unborn crop for sure

okay now let me introduce you to a timeline where the coffee and the human both brew each other simultaneously - not trying to be too steamy or anything - just some average joe

ghostface, action bronson, and joell ortiz need to do a song together, that would be nuts

okay now let me introduce you to a timeline where the coffee brews you slowly - how the fuck do you think that makes you feel?!?!??!?!?? probably way better than getting popped open like kernels of unborn corn - think about all the poor kernels

what's their name?!?? mine is named scout

come at me**

i'm like really ready to die on this hill that popcorn doesn't go in a chemex so some at me bro

but now your chemex has to go in there so where are you gonna get your gormuet slow cooked coffee from then - a french press could never

why did i not see this earlier? it would have saved me three shitposts to evelyn, dang, im sorry, please forgive me

but like yeah the world as we know it is burning to the fucking ground in real time

and then when i want him to get lost for a little bit i put him in one of those family size popcorn bags so he's like a fucking hamster in an entire maze that is made of cheese so he doesn't have to chase it at all - this is the vivid imagery that we desperately need in these times

if i wanna store popcorn somewhere i just feed my dog and he stores it

i wanna know WHO the mf is who buys a chemex just to store popcorn though - because i don't know if they exist but i already don't like their ass

i really appreciate you expanding on this thought skeeting on it twice, that's true thought leadership dude

but like would you cook coffee in one of those big ass popcorn poppers that they have at hardware stores? if so i wouldn't drink that shit for sure but also i'd like offer a better alternative or something so just lmk over here aint trying to hit no 418 errors that would be fucking dastardly

gotta love the glow up

yeah but bro it's a fucking chemex that's the world's most overpriced popcorn bucket why don't you just buy a whole new mini cooper/smartcar/whatever to use as a 3/4 ton bucket of popcorn? seems pretty heavy duty, your popcorn wouldn't be ruined by a hurricane, etc, just say it was done out of need.

losing followers like a mf - when this happens is how i know i'm maintaining a captive audience because all the squares and weirdos weed themselves out and the real ones double down

Damn CVS did hella brand advertising on your arms that's crazy but also i hope you enjoy your dreamforce experience woo bacon