Anyway, I try to be kind wherever possible and assume the best in others, and treat them so, because it usually elicits the same response, and I can't imagine living my life constantly jumping at shadows conjured by some shallow Augustinian worldview. Actual insanity, masquerading as civilization

I don't get this Lord of the Flies attitude made manifest through passive competition, where every stranger is a potential enemy. It's punitive and legalistic. Irony, it made me feel less safe, and I left the restauraunt quicker, because holy shit, if this is how people think I should leave, right?

And unfortunately, I hate to extrapolate, but there are probably millions of people walking around with that attitude. Like human kindness is a virtue only possible through a set of punishments and rewards, and not, like, a *choice*. That we can make. Day to day, through interactions big and small.

And aside from it being just a weird unasked for interaction, the attitude it implied blew my mind. Like, does this guy think the whole world is just a set of codified punishments away from people ripping dusty monitors from the patio of a restaurant?

I mumble no/I don't know and he walks away flabbergasted with his wife

But I'm thinking: "My sweet boomer brother in Christ, we live in a society where people can be kind and generous with no incentive to reward, nor commit heinous acts of vandalism, because their code of honor is internal"

I know it isn't always like this, and that we make the choices that make this theme park possible, at the expense of chaotic and primordial wonder. I carry this more ancient reality in my heart, even though it is invisible, whispering to me terrible secrets, as I exit through the gift shop.

Having a rare moment of observational ennui, grokking the semi-real fantasyscape we've made for ourselves. Our horizon is as close as the nose, and our concerns are just as menial, magnified, filling us with suspicion and draining us of awe.