Darlene Lancer, LMFT
darlene-lancer.bsky.social
Darlene Lancer, LMFT
@darlene-lancer.bsky.social
Expert on relationships, NPD, and recovery, a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of 11 books, including Unfettered Soul, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, Codependency for Dummies, & Conquering Shame. Get FREE Letting Go Tips bit.ly/MN2jSG
The Dance of Intimacy
The relationship duet is the dance of intimacy that all couples do. One partner moves in, the other backs up. Partners may reverse roles, but always maintain a certain space between them.
Check: tinyurl.com/2rkkf9a3

#Anxious #Style #Autonomy #Avoidant #BreakUps #Codependency
November 30, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps

The Twelve Steps of Twelve-Step programs can be used to attain spiritual transformation and unshackle the true self from the constraints of the ego.
Check: shorturl.at/J7fwT

#12Steps #AlAnon #AlcoholicsAnonymous #Books #CarlJung #Coda #SpiritualTrans
November 23, 2025 at 3:27 PM
What is Detaching?
Detachment implies neutrality. Detaching is a way of separating the unhealthy emotional glue that keeps us fused in a codependent relationship.
Read: tinyurl.com/3adksz8r

#Detach #Love #PhysicalWithdrawal #EmotionalWithdrawal #Responsibilities #Physical #Relationship #Codependent
Detaching and Letting Go with Love| What Is Codependency?
We become overly attached—not because we love so much but because we need someone to act how we want so we can feel okay. Detaching can be hard but loving.
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November 18, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Standing up to abuse is hard, even when we know we should, if we’ve been conditioned by childhood trauma to freeze, fawn, or collapse. This is confirmed by research, my own experience, and therapeutic work with clients.

Read more: tinyurl.com/3mbj6zf4

#TraumaRecovery #Trauma #AbusiveRelationship
November 8, 2025 at 4:46 PM
Do you wonder whether you’re a kind, empathetic person or are you codependent?

There is a difference between empathy and codependency. There are codependents who are abusers and not caring, and some people who are caring and aren’t codependent. So what’s the difference?

Check: tinyurl.com/yck6mca6
Are You Kind or Are You Codependent?
Do you wonder whether you’re a kind, empathetic person or are you codependent? Learn the difference, take a quick quiz, and find out ...
tinyurl.com
October 25, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Self-Love Meditation!

A major goal of recovery from addiction and codependency is changing how we think about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, and how we feel toward ourselves, and how we treat ourselves:
tinyurl.com/ykc62kku

#RaisingSelfEsteem #SelfCompassion #SelfLove #Codependency #Recovery
Self-Love Meditation - What Is Codependency?
A major goal of recovery from addiction and codependency is changing how we think about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, and how we feel toward ourselves, and how we treat ourselves. Developing self-love and self-compassion not only increase our self-worth, but also calms us in times of stress and soothes us when we feel overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, guilty, lonely, sad, angry, and hurt. Yet, cultivating compassion and self-love can be baffling and challenging when we haven't had a nurturing parent or role model, especially if we're hard on ourselves due to toxic shame. Practicing this audio meditation can help you manage difficult emotions and develop an attitude of tenderness, acceptance, and self-love and compassion toward yourself. It's also recommended to do the exercises in the webinar How to Raise Your Self-Esteem and e-book 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism.
whatiscodependency.com
October 18, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Trauma in childhood leads to #shame, #codependency, and low #selfesteem. "How to Be Assertive" bit.ly/29OAWWW whatiscodependency.com/product/how-... and "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" bit.ly/2I4yFIN #trauma #recovery #mentalhealth #psychology #PTSD #CPTSD
October 13, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Losing Your Power in Narcissistic Relationships

The core problem in narcissistic relationships is that they prioritize power and sacrifice the relationship to get it, while their partners prioritize the relationship and sacrifice themselves to keep it

#Codependency #Narcissism #Dating #Abandonment
October 11, 2025 at 4:43 PM
The Relational Trauma of Misattunement
Relational trauma can be harder to detect and has more side effects in adulthood than physical abuse.

url-shortener.me/6DHC

#Attunement #CauseOfCodependency #CauseOfToxicShame #Codependency #Abandonment #IntimacyProblems #Misattunement #PTSD #RelationalTrauma
The Relational Trauma of Misattunement | What Is Codependency?
The relational trauma of misattunement is hard to detect and has more side effects than physical abuse. It can lead to shame and codependency
whatiscodependency.com
October 4, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Self-Love Meditation
A major goal of recovery from addiction and codependency is changing how we think about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, and how we feel toward ourselves, and how we treat ourselves.

Read more: whatiscodependency.com/product/self...

#RaisingSelfEsteem #SelfLove #SelfEsteem
Self-Love Meditation - What Is Codependency?
A major goal of recovery from addiction and codependency is changing how we think about ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, and how we feel toward ourselves, and how we treat ourselves. Developing se...
whatiscodependency.com
September 28, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Changing your #communication is so powerful that it raises your self-esteem and overcomes codependency. These are skills you didn't learn growing up but literally transform you! Get "How to Be Assertive" buff.ly/D0TnT51 #ODAAT #recovery #relationships #selfesteem #healing #psychology #transformation
September 21, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Narcissists and other abusers seek power to feel safe and avoid shame. Learn how: Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships."

Read more: bit.ly/3FLbHWH

#Narcissists #Dating #Loving #Narcissist #Relationships
September 21, 2025 at 4:50 PM
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem!

Self-esteem is key to success in work, and enjoyment of life and relationships. It affects our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and how we handle life’s challenges.

See details: whatiscodependency.com/product/how-...

#Raise #success #work #enjoyment #life
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem - What Is Codependency?
Self-esteem is key to success in work, and enjoyment of life and relationships. It affects our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and how we handle life's challenges. Low self-esteem underlies addiction, anxiety, depression, abuse, intimacy problems, and codependency. Our self-esteem is usually determined by our teens, but there are specific things we can do to raise it. This webinar provides both in depth and practical approach to self-esteem. What you will get: Understand Self-Esteem. Gain an understanding of self-esteem and be able to contrast high and impaired self-esteem to evaluate your own. Uncover its Origins. Discover the roots of your self-esteem and why it may be impaired. Recognize the Symptoms. Be able to spot clues that your self-esteem needs uplifting. Many people think they have good self-esteem. They may be talented, beautiful, or successful, but still lack self-esteem. Root Out False Beliefs. Learn how to identify beliefs and behaviors you want to change and those you want to implement. Identify Cognitive Distortions. Spot the ways your mind sabotages your self-esteem. We can easily get stuck in a negative feedback loop that undermines our self-worth. Replace them with positive feedback loops. Improved Relationships. Feel worth of love and respect and no longer be willing to accept abuse and non-reciprocal relationships. watch all of your relationships improve. Self-Acceptance. Stop blaming and judging yourself. Elevated Mood. Watch your mood change from dull or depressed to positive an hopeful. Many people feel their life lacks purpose, but when their self-esteem is high, they're enjoying their life and not pondering their purpose. Empowerment. Feel strong, proud, and empowered to take risks and accomplish your goals. Actionable Steps. Follow 12 crucial, specific steps to build self-esteem and self-love. Practice many actionable tips and exercises you can immediately put into practice. See also the ebook on overcoming self-criticism, 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism, which is an important factor in raising self-esteem.
whatiscodependency.com
September 13, 2025 at 6:49 PM
The Hidden Trauma of Triangulation

The trauma occurs when one child is used to quietly carry the emotional burdens of the marital system or entire family.

Read full article: whatiscodependency.com/the-hidden-t...

#FamilySystem #ParentifiedChild #PTSD #ToxicParents #Trauma #Triangulation
The Hidden Trauma of Triangulation | What Is Codependency?
The trauma of triangulation can go unnoticed but can cause lasting damage and codependency. Read the signs and and symptoms and how to heal.
whatiscodependency.com
September 6, 2025 at 5:10 PM
There are unconscious factors that go into people-pleasing, so don't expect to change that habit overnight. Make all of these steps conscious, and learn the art of setting boundaries in "How to Be Assertive" bit.ly/29OAWWW #codependency #ODAAT #shame #communication #relationships
September 1, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Unfettered Soul: buff.ly/xmmC82A “Expands your mind, heart and spirit” “Deep introspection” “Beautiful imagery" “Path to self-discovery and resilience” “Highly recommend it” “Fresh insights” “A great deal of wisdom" “So good” "Wise + light, calming + awakening" Paperback buff.ly/i24uaKt #poetry
August 21, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Many of us have been told who and what we are from childhood. Recovery is about shedding that and recovering our true self. Conquering Shame and Codependency: Free the True You buff.ly/7jYovpW #recovery #self #jung #authentic #codependency #selfdiscovery #selfgrowth #authenticity #selfesteem #ODAAT
August 19, 2025 at 3:00 AM
People usually let you know who they are when you meet....if you're paying attention. Look up the meaning of "trumpery."
July 20, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Don't miss out on free healing tools and tips from over 20 experts starting today! Join the Heal Summit today: summit.thehealproject.com/optin-darlen... #recovery #healing #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #selfhealing #abuse #narcissisticabuse
July 17, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Discerning our needs from those of other people can be tricky for codependents, especially because when our needs have been shamed or ignored, we tend to do the same. Practice asking your body what it needs, and then fulfill them. Read how: buff.ly/m4hfABM #codependency #relationships #recovery.
July 9, 2025 at 8:40 PM
June 24, 2025 at 5:30 PM