Goddamnit Dave
@daveastated.bsky.social
Now I am become Dave, the destroyer of words.
I'll try not to post about Star Wars today, but I can't promise that a rogue one won't slip through.
May 4, 2025 at 9:18 PM
I'll try not to post about Star Wars today, but I can't promise that a rogue one won't slip through.
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.
April 27, 2025 at 3:24 PM
All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.
Me: *quiet quitting*
My boss: So. How's your first day going?
My boss: So. How's your first day going?
March 28, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Me: *quiet quitting*
My boss: So. How's your first day going?
My boss: So. How's your first day going?
Me: I would love a robot to do my household chores
Them: Home maid?
Me: No, I'd definitely need to buy something like that.
Them: Home maid?
Me: No, I'd definitely need to buy something like that.
January 10, 2025 at 2:11 PM
Me: I would love a robot to do my household chores
Them: Home maid?
Me: No, I'd definitely need to buy something like that.
Them: Home maid?
Me: No, I'd definitely need to buy something like that.
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
New Years Resolutions:
Hit more curbs
Haunt more houses
Hit more curbs
Haunt more houses
December 31, 2024 at 4:17 PM
New Years Resolutions:
Hit more curbs
Haunt more houses
Hit more curbs
Haunt more houses
Ghosts get their teeth cleaned by transcendental hygienists.
January 1, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Ghosts get their teeth cleaned by transcendental hygienists.
I've achieved many things in life, but it's in the bedroom where I really made my mark
- Mark's dad
- Mark's dad
December 17, 2024 at 11:39 PM
I've achieved many things in life, but it's in the bedroom where I really made my mark
- Mark's dad
- Mark's dad
With all the hype around the woman who slept with 100 guys in 1 day, I am inspired to sleep with 001 woman one day.
December 16, 2024 at 11:33 AM
With all the hype around the woman who slept with 100 guys in 1 day, I am inspired to sleep with 001 woman one day.
The only similarity I have with actor Chris Evans is my teeth. They were capped in America.
December 12, 2024 at 12:06 AM
The only similarity I have with actor Chris Evans is my teeth. They were capped in America.
Me: Do people still write those interview question jokes?
Interviewer: No, I meant any questions about the job.
Interviewer: No, I meant any questions about the job.
December 11, 2024 at 9:14 AM
Me: Do people still write those interview question jokes?
Interviewer: No, I meant any questions about the job.
Interviewer: No, I meant any questions about the job.
The winner of the smallest pet amphibian contest was so tiny. It was my newt.
December 11, 2024 at 1:23 AM
The winner of the smallest pet amphibian contest was so tiny. It was my newt.
The Donner Party came up with the expression "chews company, freeze a crowd."
December 10, 2024 at 1:56 AM
The Donner Party came up with the expression "chews company, freeze a crowd."
I buy my fruit online using papayapal
December 7, 2024 at 10:47 PM
I buy my fruit online using papayapal
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
Except on Krypton
December 4, 2024 at 9:58 AM
Except on Krypton
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
Me: Wouldn't adding coins make it harder to whistle?
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
December 4, 2024 at 12:18 AM
Me: Wouldn't adding coins make it harder to whistle?
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
I can no longer cite my favourite international news site. I have Reuters block.
December 3, 2024 at 1:11 AM
I can no longer cite my favourite international news site. I have Reuters block.
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
One second cousin lives 50 miles East of me, another lives 50 miles West of me. They're my equidistant relatives.
December 3, 2024 at 9:29 PM
One second cousin lives 50 miles East of me, another lives 50 miles West of me. They're my equidistant relatives.
Except on Krypton
December 4, 2024 at 9:58 AM
Except on Krypton
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
Today’s poem is called ‘Love Excels’.
December 4, 2024 at 9:20 AM
Today’s poem is called ‘Love Excels’.
Me: Wouldn't adding coins make it harder to whistle?
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
December 4, 2024 at 12:18 AM
Me: Wouldn't adding coins make it harder to whistle?
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
Them: That's not what "pursing your lips" means.
One second cousin lives 50 miles East of me, another lives 50 miles West of me. They're my equidistant relatives.
December 3, 2024 at 9:29 PM
One second cousin lives 50 miles East of me, another lives 50 miles West of me. They're my equidistant relatives.
Me: I can identify a bird or a plane from afar.
Them: that's super man.
Them: that's super man.
December 3, 2024 at 8:30 AM
Me: I can identify a bird or a plane from afar.
Them: that's super man.
Them: that's super man.
I can no longer cite my favourite international news site. I have Reuters block.
December 3, 2024 at 1:11 AM
I can no longer cite my favourite international news site. I have Reuters block.
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
If an animal kills me in the wild, please take its picture with my body
June 4, 2023 at 3:33 AM
If an animal kills me in the wild, please take its picture with my body
Reposted by Goddamnit Dave
Doing this to my butthole when I have to fart
December 3, 2024 at 12:19 AM
Doing this to my butthole when I have to fart