Dave Cento
@davecento.bsky.social
Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals.
Sesame Street really leans on 1-20 for the number of the day. I get you wanna stick with what got you here but try like 239 or e or something, switch it up
August 8, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Sesame Street really leans on 1-20 for the number of the day. I get you wanna stick with what got you here but try like 239 or e or something, switch it up
Being an adult means realizing dingers should rhyme with fingers and then just having to go about your day like nothing is wrong
August 5, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Being an adult means realizing dingers should rhyme with fingers and then just having to go about your day like nothing is wrong
Starting a business podcast called "I Know We're At Time But"
June 13, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Starting a business podcast called "I Know We're At Time But"
Old man yells at bottom line
May 16, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Old man yells at bottom line
@dannybkelly.bsky.social Been sitting on this one a while, but your "jar" is 100% Arrested Development quotes. Confirmed today when I listened to you yell "STEVE HOLT" to crickets from @minakimes.bsky.social
May 10, 2025 at 6:33 PM
@dannybkelly.bsky.social Been sitting on this one a while, but your "jar" is 100% Arrested Development quotes. Confirmed today when I listened to you yell "STEVE HOLT" to crickets from @minakimes.bsky.social
The gag reflex is our most hilarious defense mechanism. Your body's like "If something got this far, we just gotta vomit and hope for the best." A true hail mary
December 11, 2024 at 8:24 PM
The gag reflex is our most hilarious defense mechanism. Your body's like "If something got this far, we just gotta vomit and hope for the best." A true hail mary
Opening a French/Mesopotamian fusion cafe called The Fertile Croissant
December 6, 2024 at 6:56 PM
Opening a French/Mesopotamian fusion cafe called The Fertile Croissant
At first I read this as "Tip Reiman doesn't play well on Sundays" and I was like damn, that's his most important day
Yes, TE Tip Reiman knows he didn’t play well Sunday. But he also knows he has to move on and that’s important because the #AZCardinals need him.
www.azcardinals.com/news/valuabl...
www.azcardinals.com/news/valuabl...
Valuable Tip For Reiman: Move On From Difficult Outing
Tight end wants to learn from struggles in Minnesota
www.azcardinals.com
December 5, 2024 at 9:06 PM
At first I read this as "Tip Reiman doesn't play well on Sundays" and I was like damn, that's his most important day
Everyone at the trade block laughed at my Quentin Johnston
Everyone at the Illuminati meeting laughed at my jorts
December 5, 2024 at 1:50 PM
Everyone at the trade block laughed at my Quentin Johnston
Bought mint jelly at the store. Gonna offer my son a PB&J and teach him a valuable lesson about asking more questions
November 21, 2024 at 5:58 PM
Bought mint jelly at the store. Gonna offer my son a PB&J and teach him a valuable lesson about asking more questions
I like songs that tell you exactly what they're about up front.
Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane!
Oh and who might these two mysterious protagonists be?
Two American kids growing up in the heartland!
Well all my questions are answered.
Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane!
Oh and who might these two mysterious protagonists be?
Two American kids growing up in the heartland!
Well all my questions are answered.
November 19, 2024 at 2:10 PM
I like songs that tell you exactly what they're about up front.
Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane!
Oh and who might these two mysterious protagonists be?
Two American kids growing up in the heartland!
Well all my questions are answered.
Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane!
Oh and who might these two mysterious protagonists be?
Two American kids growing up in the heartland!
Well all my questions are answered.
I know the 90s were hard because when Biggie asked that guy with the gun up in his waist not to shoot up the place, the response was "why?"
November 17, 2024 at 12:39 AM
I know the 90s were hard because when Biggie asked that guy with the gun up in his waist not to shoot up the place, the response was "why?"
Every book is a choose your own adventure if you don't believe in free will.
November 15, 2024 at 8:30 PM
Every book is a choose your own adventure if you don't believe in free will.
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
ONE DAY LATER: Well none of these girls like me at all
ONE DAY LATER: Well none of these girls like me at all
November 15, 2024 at 8:22 PM
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
ONE DAY LATER: Well none of these girls like me at all
ONE DAY LATER: Well none of these girls like me at all
People: Capitalism is terrible! It exploits the poor to benefit the rich, subsisting on what amounts to slave labor and abuse of the working class. It's built on the foundation of injustice!
Capitalism: *invents Pop-Tarts*
People:
Capitalism: *invents Pop-Tarts*
People:
November 15, 2024 at 8:21 PM
People: Capitalism is terrible! It exploits the poor to benefit the rich, subsisting on what amounts to slave labor and abuse of the working class. It's built on the foundation of injustice!
Capitalism: *invents Pop-Tarts*
People:
Capitalism: *invents Pop-Tarts*
People:
Me, when I found out pipe cleaners weren't invented for arts and crafts:
November 15, 2024 at 8:21 PM
Me, when I found out pipe cleaners weren't invented for arts and crafts:
Dave at 15: THAT'S ABOUT THE TIME SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME, NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU'RE 23
Dave at 23: Drunk, won't shut up, vomits on the floor
Dave at 23: Drunk, won't shut up, vomits on the floor
November 15, 2024 at 8:20 PM
Dave at 15: THAT'S ABOUT THE TIME SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME, NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU'RE 23
Dave at 23: Drunk, won't shut up, vomits on the floor
Dave at 23: Drunk, won't shut up, vomits on the floor
List of percents sure you can be:
- 50 (not sure)
- 98 (still not sure)
- 99 (this is a robust hunch)
- 100 (not sure but don't want to continue this conversation)
- 1000 (sure)
- 50 (not sure)
- 98 (still not sure)
- 99 (this is a robust hunch)
- 100 (not sure but don't want to continue this conversation)
- 1000 (sure)
November 15, 2024 at 8:19 PM
List of percents sure you can be:
- 50 (not sure)
- 98 (still not sure)
- 99 (this is a robust hunch)
- 100 (not sure but don't want to continue this conversation)
- 1000 (sure)
- 50 (not sure)
- 98 (still not sure)
- 99 (this is a robust hunch)
- 100 (not sure but don't want to continue this conversation)
- 1000 (sure)
Meat Loaf has a space in his name, which implies that you should formally address him as Mr. Loaf.
November 15, 2024 at 8:18 PM
Meat Loaf has a space in his name, which implies that you should formally address him as Mr. Loaf.
I'm trying to be more positive so from here on out I'm calling them go lights
November 15, 2024 at 8:18 PM
I'm trying to be more positive so from here on out I'm calling them go lights
Recipe: use room temperature butter
Me: what is a fridge but a cold little room
Me: what is a fridge but a cold little room
November 15, 2024 at 8:17 PM
Recipe: use room temperature butter
Me: what is a fridge but a cold little room
Me: what is a fridge but a cold little room
I'm conventionally attractive. Meaning I would be considered attractive at a convention
November 14, 2024 at 9:23 PM
I'm conventionally attractive. Meaning I would be considered attractive at a convention