A bronchoscopea should be able to tell you for sure.

It was too embarrassing when their weapons kept getting jammed in the openings. ☹️

New plan. I sell the surviving members of my current set, apparently make a FLIPPING FORTUNE, retire off the proceeds and get a new set of crockery from the charity shop.

In my tree-indiced panic I dragged it through the house into the garden (miraculously without smashing anything) to have a spa / waterboarding session in a rain-filled bin bag. Feck knows what I'm going to do with it now though. After all this exertion, the bastard had better not die on me.

Haha! To the best of my knowledge, I have not yet been butt dialled by External Butt. There's always tomorrow though.

Without a doubt. But it's the least I could do given the presumably non-consensual initial abduction. Unless this is some elaborate racketeering scheme devised by one of the cats. (Entirely possible.)

SUCCESS! A very rotund and content looking field mouse has been relocated back to the wilderness, with some travel snacks in case they need a minute to adjust to a pauper's lifestyle again. 🤎

Should have got a pet snail instead.