No matter how worthy the message!

Cassidy is fully vaccinated against the diseases Bobby Jr. wants to have thin out the herd of other people's kids. Just like Bobby Jr. and his kids are.

Nice. I used to live in Canton, NY. We'd get itty bitty doses of lake effect all the way up there and it would still be a foot.

Then of course there was the Ice Storm of '98. [adopts Old Man Telling a Story pose] The morning of January 4 dawned clear, but there was a strange heaviness in the air…

Oh that's going to be my retirement. Blizzard-chasing.

I'm going to Toronto next week, so fingers crossed.

Archbishop of York who's only ever been a pirate before: getting a lot of piracy vibes from this…

I would absolutely watch "Severance Babies"

although IIRC Davis Square is where the local landline exchange was 666 so you'd see a lot of vaguely Satanic phone numbers in shop windows? does that count?

laughs in "lived in Malden in 1998"

(which also wasn't that "rough and tumble" for the most part but come on)

booooooo

Yeah there's a lot of Greatest Generation energy coming off him.

"Back in my day I used to beat Sauron up for his lunch money."

"Okay Grandpa, let's get you on that boat to the Undying Lands."

you had me at "gay plant store"

I'm not saying they wouldn't get their hair mussed but that's what it boils down to, the slight flaw in the genius plan of trying to do geopolitics in the nuclear age by Viking rules.

Fun fact, the United States does not have the resources or capacity to defend its own territory against a sufficiently large coalition of other world nations. I guess we should just sell ourselves to the Sino-Russian Alliance or whoever when they come asking, huh?

Even setting aside SCOTUS, this just feels like such a hilariously weak threat. Why would THIS be the 10% that beat all of Europe into submission?

This is a poker player reaching across the table to try to physically prevent you from calling his bluff. "No, stop, I insist, you'll lose too bad."

Everyone talks about the pick six that will forever be the last thing he did in a game, but don't sleep on the hilariously weak tackle afterwards that let the pick six happen.

Bullock was two inches from the sideline, Rodgers is 225 and hits him square on, and… nothing. Just amazing.

Why stop there? Why not just force schools to display Johnson's self-insert Bible fanfic?

JESUS: I don't have enough loaves and fishes to feed this crowd.

JOHNSON: Don't worry, Jesus! I brought enough for everyone!

DISCIPLES: Hooray for Mike Johnson!

JESUS: You are my favorite, Mike Johnson.