Like.. living like that for a while, meeting new people, doing new stuff made me realise I'm not anxious abt what people think or do if there is no reason for it. I genuinely feel calm and unbothered if they show no aggression, overt or covert. I genuinely thought it was me, but turns out not a 100%

And I feel no anxiety!!! Because there is literally nothing to be anxious about even if the person decides to opt out, which btw is also fine and doesn't tell me that the person secretly hates me all the time but won't tell me why, because they literally give 0 reasons to be anxious!! Holy damn!!!!

And the fucking issue I came with was never resolved because at the time I was already exhausted and just glad I'm not being accused of shit. Me bringing up "you hurt me when.." and somehow I was the one to apologise in the end. And I was apparently the one "making everything about myself

Never

I still own my mistakes and I actively reflect and fix them so that they are never made in future, but I won't ever agree that this was normal, and that I deserved abuse, weaponised incompetence so that I will feel sorry for even asking, and continuous hindering and suppression of me