I thought I had finally carved out my place in the world, despite the challenges and setbacks, despite the government and society as a whole trying to prevent my happiness, and it's fucking gone, and I don't know what to do

Back in bed after trying to calm down with some fresh air and music, let's see if I can get to sleep quick and squeeze out four and a half hours of sleep

I *know* I deserve it

But when everyone is at their limits, I'm fucking terrified that just asking for it will push someone to the edge or over, as it has before.

It's always felt like if I don't take care of others, I lose them.

And unless it was discussed already, I hate asking anyone else to do it for me or help with it

And if *I* need a favour done, I hate asking for it even more because it makes me feel like such a prick for wanting them to do it a very specific way