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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie
@dylanbeatt.ie
3.8K followers 1.2K following 1K posts
coder • speaker • musician • MS MVP • creator of @codewithrockstar.com • founder of @linebreakers.band • organiser of @ldnug.org • fun stuff: dylanbeattie.net • work stuff: ursatile.com • he/him • 🥔
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 54m
(If you are about to reply to this post with "yeah, but piss is much better when it's somebody else's", I think you should probably not do that, and instead log off the internet and go home and rethink your life.)
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 55m
Listing AI-generated images for sale on stock photo libraries makes about as much sense as a bar deciding to offer pints of human piss for sale.

Like, even if you want that, even if that's genuinely the thing you want, why on earth would you pay good money for it when you could just make your own?
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 1d
Hello darkness my old friend…

Yep, I’m on a bus before sunrise for the first time since last winter. Off to Latvia for a bit to talk about open source. And squirrels. 🐿️
A man stands beneath a street lamp in the cold darkness before dawn. He has not had coffee yet today and wears the grim smile of somebody who just remembered what winter is actually like.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 2d
I don’t think they’re intrusive thoughts when the balloon is literally printed with an advertisement for doing things with needles.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 2d
I can’t quite explain why, but it is absolutely hilarious to me that a clinic is promoting vaccination using a balloon.
A big shiny black balloon with GET YOUR FLU JAB HERE printed on it.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 5d
Mad props to whichever local scally risked life, limb and imprisonment to spray paint the word “CHEESE” on the side of a train.
A Dutch NS passenger train, double decker, resplendent in its distinctive blue and gold livery. Along the side of the train somebody has spray-painted the word CHEESE in large friendly letters.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 6d
I'm in Dordrecht for @fronteers.bsky.social Dark Mode conf tomorrow, and they left a little gift pack of speaker goodies in my hotel room including this, and I think it's absolutely delightful. ❤️
It's one of those things you hang on your hotel room door but instead of saying DO NOT DISTURB it says DON'T WORRY. I AM NOT TALKING TO MYSELF. I AM REHEARSING MY TALK.
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Reposted by Dylan Beattie
ndcconferences.com
NDC Conferences @ndcconferences.com · 7d
Join @dylanbeatt.ie and 90+ other amazing speakers at NDC London in January 🇬🇧 Early Bird ticket sale ends this Friday, 3 Oct. Secure your discounted tickets now -> ndclondon.com #ndclondon
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Reposted by Dylan Beattie
rendle.dev
Rendle 💻👓🎸🎤🏳️‍⚧️ @rendle.dev · 8d
32 Chunk winning Fat Bear Week causes debate between me and @dylanbeatt.ie #856wasrobbed
Woman screaming at cat meme with captions: "HE ATE ALL THAT SALMON WITH A BROKEN JAW YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD" "THAT'S PROBABLY WHY HE'S NOT AS FAT AS 856 THEN, ISN'T IT?"
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 10d
Next thing you’ll be telling me that a “videovalve” is just the Estonian word for a security camera and not, in fact, part of a Soviet-era bootleg television network that transmitted banned TV shows over Tallinn’s water supply pipes!
A beardy man in an awesome hat pointing at a road sign that says VIDEOVALVE
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 11d
Towards the end of the 19th century Germany briefly experimented with decimal time. It was ultimately unsuccessful, but you can still see occasional relics of it in Germany’s larger cities, such as the famous “Pegel Köln” decimal clock which still stands on the banks of the Rhine in central Cologne.
A grey stone tower standing on the banks of a large river. Beneath the words PEGEL KÖLN is a clock face with the digits 0-9. The large hand is just before 4, the smaller hand just after 8. A grey stone tower standing on the banks of a large river. Beneath the words PEGEL KÖLN is a clock face with the digits 0-9. The large hand is just before 4, the smaller hand just after 8. A grey stone tower standing on the banks of a large river. Beneath the words PEGEL KÖLN is a clock face with the digits 0-9. The large hand is just before 4, the smaller hand just after 8.
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Reposted by Dylan Beattie
sophlouisehall.bsky.social
Sophie Hell 😈 @sophlouisehall.bsky.social · 17d
Important: there is a pub in Holborn where a cat wears a ruff. His name is The General
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Reposted by Dylan Beattie
gralefrit.bsky.social
Joel Morris @gralefrit.bsky.social · 17d
As one of the world’s oldest parliamentary democracies, we might have to accept that we can’t take our country back, and if we do, they’ll just give us vouchers.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 17d
Last year I lost my entire tomato crop to blight. Never again. I have created the perfect organism; a gene-spliced salad-colossus that can survive fire, frost, disease, even the vacuum of deep space…

I give you…

THE TOMARDIGRADE!
A tomato that looks like a tardigrade. (You figured that out from the context, though, right? Like, if this was a picture of a heron playing a banjo that would just be weird…) A crazed bearded man cackles manically while brandishing a tomato that looks like a tardigrade.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 18d
You think there was ever a dude whose father's family was Nordic but whose mother was half-English, half-Spanish and they named the kid after mum's two grandfathers and so he ends up being called John-Juan Johansson?
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Reposted by Dylan Beattie
ruzrey.bsky.social
Ruz @ruzrey.bsky.social · 19d
Somehow you've reminded me of a friend who managed to set a hard disc as write-only, by setting a certain flag in a certain sector.

Unfortunately, he forgot which sector, so he couldn't change it back to recover his stuff :-)
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
I am being unfair to VS here. I'm trying to hack a .VSTheme file from 2022 to work on 2026 Insiders, and managed to install a half-baked scheme that gave me black text on black backgrounds, so it's entirely my own fault.

But it was still funny as hell.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
Microsoft Visual Studio

⚠️

No
A dialog box from Microsoft Visual Studio. The text is black on a black background; all that is legible is an alert emoji (black exclamation mark in a yellow triangle) and a grey button saying No.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
Tell you what: get the family to sign off £5K, we'll knock off 10%, you can keep the difference as a "negotiator's fee" - how about that?

🤣
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
I have filed this announcement right next to "White Star Line announces Hindenburg-Chernobyl nuclear zeppelin"
A news headline from engadget.com LimeWire acquires Fyre Festival, has vague plans to offer 'real experiences' The file-sharing-service-turned-NFT-marketplace thinks it can revive the troubled music brand.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
Vanilla ice-cream, vanilla creme brulee, vanilla cakes, vanilla pudding, vanilla ALL THE THINGS!
dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
<looks at absence of show this week>
<looks at absence of show last week>

...yes, it would appear that it is. 🤣

We can do you a special one-off episode for £5000 if you like. Bargain. Or it'll be back when we're not all so chaotically busy.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
And while we're on the subject, how exactly did vanilla, an exquisite, delicate flavour harvested from the pods of a single rare orchid that grows only on the island of Madagascar, become a euphemism for "plain"? That has never made any sense to me.
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 20d
I run a couple of "vanilla JS" workshops. JavaScript with no frameworks, just native language features and browser APIs. Last week I a vanilla-as-in-flavour distributor emailed me asking if I wanted to be a reseller.

Do you think "Vanilla JS: Now With Actual Vanilla!" would be a good selling point?
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dylanbeatt.ie
Dylan Beattie @dylanbeatt.ie · 23d
"Keyboard not found: press F1 to continue"
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