this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

THE meme of 2025 for me.

Christmas shopping is so much easier when you just buy home appliances knowing everybody is going to use them

We never saw the swing shift of people being slimed on Nickelodeon. Their tired, slime stained faces. The hacking cough of the green lung sufferers. And every so often a support strut would break and the slime mines would cave in, with scant hours before Figure It Out would be set to film.

It’s the little things to get yourself that ban from Naziburg for a week

Pro: left an amazing note for my partner before I left her place

Con: locked her place up, and left my water bottle inside without a key to get back in

Worth it, but now I’m slightly dehydrated

I had an invite code in my junk mail for like 4 months…so that’s cool.