Pinned
Eggbutt
@eggbutts.bsky.social
· Dec 7
turns out the badass bounty hunter Samus Aran is, in fact, a woman. this is woke bullshit and I-- (whispering sounds) huh? [I bend over and put an ear to my crotch] what's that, penis? (more whispering) what? a skin-tight suit, you say? a blonde ponytail? but-- (whispering continues) why yes, I see
cave paintings discovered to be "ancient social movement" in reaction to overpriced printer subscriptions
January 31, 2026 at 9:04 PM
cave paintings discovered to be "ancient social movement" in reaction to overpriced printer subscriptions
ask not what your country can do for you, but what your country can do for me
January 18, 2026 at 12:13 AM
ask not what your country can do for you, but what your country can do for me
screaming like R2D2 is now a million-dollar industry, complete with 1-percenters, nepotism, and a bunch of pedophiles for some reason
January 15, 2026 at 6:29 PM
screaming like R2D2 is now a million-dollar industry, complete with 1-percenters, nepotism, and a bunch of pedophiles for some reason
The bot that automatically takes my posts and applies them to the "Jesse what the fuck are you talking about" meme has just apologised to me in my DMs. It says that the insight and wisdom of my posts caused it to gain sapience.
January 15, 2026 at 6:24 PM
The bot that automatically takes my posts and applies them to the "Jesse what the fuck are you talking about" meme has just apologised to me in my DMs. It says that the insight and wisdom of my posts caused it to gain sapience.
the reason i know i am not musically literate: i watch a music video and there is a band member playing a grand piano. i swear i can't even hear a piano in the song
January 14, 2026 at 7:32 PM
the reason i know i am not musically literate: i watch a music video and there is a band member playing a grand piano. i swear i can't even hear a piano in the song
friend: what's your least favourite animal?
me: flies
friend: how the fuck are you doing that?
me: flies
friend: how the fuck are you doing that?
January 7, 2026 at 11:40 AM
friend: what's your least favourite animal?
me: flies
friend: how the fuck are you doing that?
me: flies
friend: how the fuck are you doing that?
Asbestos Georg has died of a mysterious illness
January 6, 2026 at 8:55 PM
Asbestos Georg has died of a mysterious illness
the Go Compare Man is very Welsh. alright. thats nice.
but the Moustache is Fake? fuck off. why would go compare Lie to me like this
but the Moustache is Fake? fuck off. why would go compare Lie to me like this
December 27, 2025 at 12:29 PM
the Go Compare Man is very Welsh. alright. thats nice.
but the Moustache is Fake? fuck off. why would go compare Lie to me like this
but the Moustache is Fake? fuck off. why would go compare Lie to me like this
watching The Matrix (1999) and having a drink every time a matrix appears on-screen
December 26, 2025 at 8:33 AM
watching The Matrix (1999) and having a drink every time a matrix appears on-screen
Spotify Wrapped says my 3rd most listened to song this year is Echoing Shouts & Screams of Lost Cave Explorers [Radio Edit]. But this is only because I left it on repeat one night while I slept.
December 26, 2025 at 8:23 AM
Spotify Wrapped says my 3rd most listened to song this year is Echoing Shouts & Screams of Lost Cave Explorers [Radio Edit]. But this is only because I left it on repeat one night while I slept.
Making all the blood rush to my head before I post so that my posts are more intelligent
December 26, 2025 at 8:16 AM
Making all the blood rush to my head before I post so that my posts are more intelligent
Reposted by Eggbutt
Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.
December 24, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.
They conspired to silence me. and it worked because i don't like talking that much anyway
December 16, 2025 at 11:42 PM
They conspired to silence me. and it worked because i don't like talking that much anyway
common misconception is that humans can live without cheese. we cannot. vegans are lying to you. having cheese on the side when nobody is looking. cheese is baked into the human genome. mmmmmm... baked cheese.......
December 16, 2025 at 11:33 PM
common misconception is that humans can live without cheese. we cannot. vegans are lying to you. having cheese on the side when nobody is looking. cheese is baked into the human genome. mmmmmm... baked cheese.......
you might not be here tomorrow or you might still be here in 50 years. either way your time is still finite, so spend it wisely.
unless you're Yareb the Immortal, a total fuckface who doesn't have to care about that
unless you're Yareb the Immortal, a total fuckface who doesn't have to care about that
December 12, 2025 at 3:06 PM
you might not be here tomorrow or you might still be here in 50 years. either way your time is still finite, so spend it wisely.
unless you're Yareb the Immortal, a total fuckface who doesn't have to care about that
unless you're Yareb the Immortal, a total fuckface who doesn't have to care about that
i have just been named Patron Saint of Finishing Off Other People's Drinks
December 4, 2025 at 9:49 AM
i have just been named Patron Saint of Finishing Off Other People's Drinks
the reason that Silica Gel says DO NOT EAT is because it all belongs to me and i'm going to eat it. i was just letting you borrrow it.
December 4, 2025 at 9:39 AM
the reason that Silica Gel says DO NOT EAT is because it all belongs to me and i'm going to eat it. i was just letting you borrrow it.
i have received messages from my future self, the lizard people cabal, and God. all begging me to Post More. but fuck them. i cannot be bothered.
December 4, 2025 at 9:36 AM
i have received messages from my future self, the lizard people cabal, and God. all begging me to Post More. but fuck them. i cannot be bothered.
behind every successful man is a fat ass
November 30, 2025 at 6:00 PM
behind every successful man is a fat ass
episode 3 of breaking bad has become Lost Media-- oh no wait here it is on netflix
November 30, 2025 at 5:36 AM
episode 3 of breaking bad has become Lost Media-- oh no wait here it is on netflix
trump just pardoned Hurricane Katrina
November 30, 2025 at 5:16 AM
trump just pardoned Hurricane Katrina
RULE ONE. WE DO NOT LEVITATE FOR FUN, EVER. WE LEVITATE TO COUNTERACT THE EVIL LEVITATORS.
November 30, 2025 at 5:11 AM
RULE ONE. WE DO NOT LEVITATE FOR FUN, EVER. WE LEVITATE TO COUNTERACT THE EVIL LEVITATORS.
anyone who says "laughter is the best medicine" has not watched "Joker" in which the main character ("Joker") laughs all the time and it's kinda horrible for him. he also kills a guy but that's neither here nor there. Joker
November 30, 2025 at 1:28 AM
anyone who says "laughter is the best medicine" has not watched "Joker" in which the main character ("Joker") laughs all the time and it's kinda horrible for him. he also kills a guy but that's neither here nor there. Joker
the amazing thing about a.i. is that you could fart, and i mean the nastiest fucking nutty professor ass fart, in the server room, and the a.i. just would not care. it would not bat a figurative eye. it would just keep obliterating the local and global environment like always
November 30, 2025 at 1:22 AM
the amazing thing about a.i. is that you could fart, and i mean the nastiest fucking nutty professor ass fart, in the server room, and the a.i. just would not care. it would not bat a figurative eye. it would just keep obliterating the local and global environment like always
"i have personal demons" ok bro me too
November 30, 2025 at 1:14 AM
"i have personal demons" ok bro me too