Ryan
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ryansimmons.bsky.social
Ryan
@ryansimmons.bsky.social
13K followers 720 following 1.4K posts
Writer/director at Secret Base - youtube.com/SecretBaseSBN
Twitch - twitch.tv/ryansimmons6ft6
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Reposted by Ryan
mikescollins.bsky.social
Due to equal time rules Masturbating Bear must immediately be followed by a human cranking it as well
February 18, 2026 at 2:11 AM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
Me: I mean, why are there so many lights? And so noisy? Why are the doors so complicated? Look I’m not trying to be rude here but everything is wet. Everything. I’m just trying to understand why it’s like this.

Alien whose ship I’m on: toss this one back
February 18, 2026 at 1:57 AM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
DIRECTOR: Now for the last bit, did you add a “WHOLE MILK” graphic to clarify that the milk they’re drinking together in the indoor grotto is whole?

EDITOR: sure did boss, real fuckin cummy just like you asked

DIRECTOR: good. I wanted it cummy
February 17, 2026 at 10:37 PM
Reposted by Ryan
willbuikema.bsky.social
did a think

youtu.be/z19Bzjqxeb8?...
Snowboarding's beef with Shaun White
YouTube video by Secret Base
youtu.be
February 14, 2026 at 4:19 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
Smoking on that shit that made god say "I'm gonna make a whole family of american royalty whose thing is violent public tragedies, except for the grossest guy, who is immortal"
davidjroth.bsky.social David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 5d
It doesn't explain his relationship to the rest of the human race but a big part of RFK Jr.'s broader damage is clearly trying to find out if he can die. I guess if I had lived a life like his and was somehow still around drinking out of puddles at 72 I'd have some questions on that as well.
February 12, 2026 at 8:36 PM
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jmrivera.bsky.social
introducing my column about resistance in fiction for @aftermath.site. I’m calling it THE WORK

aftermath.site/oscars-revol...
This Year's Oscar Nominees Have Real Fight In Them, Even If Hollywood Doesn't
An introduction to The Work, a column about resistance in fiction
aftermath.site
February 12, 2026 at 6:05 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
Spending some time in the lab working on what I'm calling the Epstein Index. Basically you take the number of leaders in a business/institution with JE connections and divide by the total size. Helpful for job searches, school applications etc. Tesla's Epstein Index: moderate. Harvard's: sky high
February 11, 2026 at 5:59 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
a big thank you to helldivers' anti-cheat for borking windows so badly i had to do a clean install. modern gaming is 15% gaming and 85% feeling like samuel l. jackson in jurassic park, and frankly, i love it!!!
February 11, 2026 at 3:59 PM
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secretbase.bsky.social
It's somewhere around :18
February 11, 2026 at 3:38 PM
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markroebuck.bsky.social
Can’t believe they let me in the Criterion Closet!
February 11, 2026 at 12:40 AM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
Feels good to get up early and get in a whole news cycle before work
fintwitter.bsky.social FinTwitter @fintwitter.bsky.social · 6d
U.S. FAA : THE TEMPORARY CLOSURE OF AIRSPACE OVER EL PASO HAS BEEN LIFTED.
February 11, 2026 at 2:11 PM
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celebrityhottub.bsky.social
BLUESKY TIP

When you come upon a post from a stranger, target it by holding the triangle button. If the post glows green, it is about you. If it doesn’t, you can move along. Try to find all the posts about you each day!
February 11, 2026 at 4:00 AM
Reposted by Ryan
sethrosenthal.bsky.social
there is a Taiwanese basketball team that is straight-up named after the DEA. the United States Drug Enforcement Agency is their mascot.
yellow logo for the New Taipei CTBC DEA, which is like a badge featuring a weird helmeted Halo-looking guy with the letters CTBC DEA
February 6, 2026 at 7:13 PM
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birmingham81.bsky.social
De La Soul released 3 Feet High and Rising on this day in 1989. Here’s a playlist featuring the LP and the tunes that it sampled
🌼🎧▶️ open.spotify.com/playlist/4Rs...
February 6, 2026 at 8:21 AM
Reposted by Ryan
secretbase.bsky.social
on today's date in 1988, which surely can't be more than like 22 years ago, Jordan and Wilkins delivered at the dunk contest

youtu.be/_K8Qz68pjzk?...
Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins' controversial Dunk Contest finish needs a deep rewind
YouTube video by Secret Base
youtu.be
February 6, 2026 at 2:39 PM
Reposted by Ryan
ryansimmons.bsky.social
Here's something I wrote (and recently re-wrote) that I like to share around Academy Awards Time:

The Kids Are Not Alright: The 2019 Academy Award Live Action Short Films Made Me Want To Die

Link below but I'll also thread here with alt text if that would please ya

medium.com/@ryansimmons...
It’s February, 2019. I’ve gone through a rough break up with my ex-fiancée and I’m living alone — truly by myself, no roommates, in a studio apartment — for the first time in my life. I’m generally very depressed at this point, and I decide one night, after a long stretch of sad solo dinners at home, to treat myself to a night at the movies. Every year during the Academy Awards, when they get to the short film nominees, I tell myself “Those look good, next year I’m gonna watch all those bad boys” and then, of course, the next year comes round and the bad boys remain unwatched. But this year, in an effort to shock myself back into happiness by shaking up my routine, I take action, look up showtimes, find that my favorite walking-distance theater has some, and buy a ticket. As I walk out and head for the theater, for the first time in weeks, I’m feeling pretty okay. I get there, get high, and head inside to settle in for the slate: all five entries are shown back-to-back in one screening that is roughly the length of a feature film. The first short is a Spanish entry called Madre, directed by Rodrigo Sorogoyen. (Warning: If you had any intention of watching the 2019 Oscar short films — and if you haven’t picked it up by now, I am ultimately going to recommend that you do not — then it is my duty to inform you that plot spoilers lie ahead for all five films, but the details, I’m afraid, are important.) Madre is mostly one sustained take, wherein a young woman returns home from a shopping trip with her mother in tow, just as she’s receiving a call on her cell phone. On the other end of the call is her 6-year-old son. The boy, on vacation with his father (the woman’s estranged husband), is alone and lost on a beach. She naturally begins asking her son questions, only some of which he is able to answer with any clarity, but which illuminate the basic details: the boy’s father and some friends took the boy on a planned surfing trip somewhere on the coast of France — or maybe Spain; the boy’s grasp of geography is still weak — but they somehow became separated and now the boy can’t find them. Oh, also: his cell phone battery is dying. The woman’s mother watches on from the kitchen table in agony, helpless. The woman tells the boy to hang tight and calls the police. They aren’t much help but they tell her to come down to the station. As she’s leaving to do so, she gets another call. It’s the boy again. His battery is almost dead — but now there’s a stranger on the beach, a man, and he’s noticed the boy. The boy says he’s scared. She tells him to run. She hears him find a hiding spot behind a rock, but it’s too late. The man spots the boy and starts approaching — when the battery dies. The call ends. The woman screams and rushes out of the apartment, and the camera lands on the horrified face of her mother. The end. HOOOOOOOooooooookay. I take a deep breath. It‘s an incredibly well done piece, but Madre is a fucking fraught tale of child endangerment, expertly directed to crank the tension to maximum levels. In between films one and two, the room is kinda buzzing with energy. I enjoyed it, but I hope quietly that lighter fare is on the way. Lighter fare is not on the way. The second short on the slate is a stark French-Canadian piece called Fauve in which two boys, latchkey kids, are chasing foxes and searching for adventure — which they find in an open quarry pit, as one does. It’s all fun and games until one boy is swallowed whole by some sort of quicksand— extremely, excruciatingly slowly — right in front of his buddy. After an unsuccessful rescue attempt, the friend flees for help. He climbs for hours over giant, dune-like heaps of gravel, in a montage reminiscent of an old-Hollywood Arabian epic, until finally being picked up by a passing motorist, a nice older woman. When she leaves him in the car at a gas station to call for help, he begins to sob when he spots something outside the window: a frolicking fox, disappearing into the tree line. The end.
January 23, 2025 at 6:43 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
This was on a post about ICE in our regional subreddit and I’m sorry but bigotry against the Irish is funny to me because it just feels so antiquated. It’s like being mad about traveling circuses or that your town hasn’t banned dancing
“I hope they’re grabbing the Irish.”
February 5, 2026 at 1:35 AM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
HR told me to stop loudly commanding my computer for “NUDE TAYNE” so now it’s “SETH MOUTH”
secretbase.bsky.social Secret Base @secretbase.bsky.social · 13d
❌ deep work ❌
February 4, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Reposted by Ryan
secretbase.bsky.social
❌ deep work ❌
February 4, 2026 at 6:29 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
I would like to take a moment to deny the spurious allegations against me, stemming from the actual words I wrote down in an email to a famous pedophile, screenshots of which were then publicly published
February 4, 2026 at 2:57 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
the first developer to give me an actually viable replacement for AE will have my axe for a lifetime
papapishu.bsky.social Chris Person @papapishu.bsky.social · 15d
“You should just use After Effects instead of Animate” is a psycho thing to suggest. Nobody should use after effects including people that use after effects for a living.
February 2, 2026 at 9:21 PM
Reposted by Ryan
ryansimmons.bsky.social
"poops" has been named in the epstein files. i repeat: "poops" has officially been named in the epstein files
According to the emails, in the weeks after Sinofsky’s Microsoft departure, someone nicknamed “poops” warned Epstein that Sinofsky had “sent several mails that he is going to kill himself,” after news of his work as a Harvard business school teacher raised further questions about the nature of his Microsoft exit. Sinofsky seemed upset about questions around his potential firing. Months later, in an email to Epstein, Sinofsky was also concerned about his Microsoft settlement making it look like he was fired.
February 2, 2026 at 6:38 PM
Reposted by Ryan
secretbase.bsky.social
with Super Bowl LX on the horizon, don't forget that its official pronunciation is Super Bowl Lex
February 2, 2026 at 8:22 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
"poops" has been named in the epstein files. i repeat: "poops" has officially been named in the epstein files
According to the emails, in the weeks after Sinofsky’s Microsoft departure, someone nicknamed “poops” warned Epstein that Sinofsky had “sent several mails that he is going to kill himself,” after news of his work as a Harvard business school teacher raised further questions about the nature of his Microsoft exit. Sinofsky seemed upset about questions around his potential firing. Months later, in an email to Epstein, Sinofsky was also concerned about his Microsoft settlement making it look like he was fired.
February 2, 2026 at 6:38 PM
ryansimmons.bsky.social
never forget that It can Happen to any ghoul at any time. yes yes we know we want IT to HAPPEN but expand your horizons of It. if you inject positivity into the universe we could have multiple instances of It
February 2, 2026 at 3:39 PM