If I found out I'd be single forever today... Idk if that would relive me because I'd at least know... or make me want to immediately kill myself because I'll never get to experience romantic love with another person...

I also wish if I had any chance, I could start over but in a world that isn't the one I live in. Either I am born as a girl irl and I don't feel sad and guilty for being a man, or I'm put in the world I created for my characters and I get to be either one of them, happy and with someone who loves me

Like, if I had a job I'd be packing up now and getting the fuck out of here, and telling her in the way out that she needs help, and she needs to break up with her BF now... but no job's have gotten back to me, I dont know what I'm doing wrong, and I have little money to live off of if I leave. Fuck

Idk what to do man but this hurts so much, cuz like... This isn't something I'm having in my life. I can't talk to my mom if she's this far gone into conspiracy stuff. Like it's to the point where she's beliving in aliens being an actual threat currently... But I also wish she wasn't this far gone

I haven't moved cuz I'm not financially confident, nobody has hired me still... but fuck. Genuinely considering a GoFundMe to escape home or smth. It's not like I can talk sense into em. They said if anyone against them is a traitor. And my whole family is poor so I can't stay with anyone else

They're telling at me to delete all my internet profiles, including stuff I release art and media on, and that the bots on the internet and their binaural beats are hypnotizing me to make want to kill myself, and that I'm going to be drafted into war. I'm not fucking joking, it's insane.