I liked qubuz and it had 90% of my weird music when I swapped my Playlist over but sadly it doesn't really have a good discover function yet. I am hoping they get there soon.

Anyway hi when I imagine an apple I mostly imagine photos of apples and trying to rotate that apple in my head makes it jitter and jump around like a glitched special effect. Maybe one day I'll try to recreate what my mind's eye sees... It would take a lot of photoshop XD /end

I am going to work hard this year to try to push myself out of my comfort zone. And I've promised myself I will write more, as I've really let myself slide in word count as of late. New year's resolutions are always a dangerous game but this has been on my mind for a while. /8

And seeing so many photographers really pushing the limits and making beautiful evocative images makes me internally sad and frustrated because I just... Don't think that way. I can't. And I know it's ok because I have my own strengths but still sometimes I look at work and wish I could do it. /7

I left art because I realized this lack was seriously hindering my ability and enjoyment. I didnt find anything that gave me the same joy until I found photography but even then I don't quite approach photography as art so much as... Elevated documentation and occasional narrative work. /6

Anyway back to imagery. I went through school for art being told to conceive of things and I... Can't. I could *recreate* things decently well. I could copy. I can draw a fruit bowl. But I struggle with "draw something that makes you sad" because all my ideas are... Words & feelings. Not images. /5

I also have issues with short term converting to long term memory, especially involving lots of people. So I have clear memories of going to the Dropout show... Now. But they won't remain and I will probably forget the show and friends who were with me. /4

Or I will 100% tell a story to someone who was there right beside me at the time. I usually forget who came with me to a con, who I shared a hotel room with, who was at my birthday party. The memory of the event becomes.... Vibes. /3

For example: when I imagine an event I was at, I am much, much more likely to remember a photo taken of that event. If a group of people are around a table with me, the memory is of people-shaped things that my brain slots in "most likely to have been there" which means I often have to check /2

Anyway, it's absolutely tied to the cultural idea of 'face' and identity and respect and is, I suspect, a sort of exaggeration of the idea of saving face - that being slapped is a terrible punishment and that any visible mark is a mark against your purity/honour/etc but still: jarring to see. /end

It's just very jarring to have someone who looks like THIS not only ask the ML "am I ugly now" but to have said ML go "Oh no her FACE she didn't want to show me her UGLY FACE no wonder she hid it from me, poor thing!" /5

Likewise and even MORESO is the 'I have been slapped once across the cheek and now EVERYONE CAN SEE I was slapped hours later'. This isn't a bruise. This is a tiny bit more blush - IF they even bother with that - and everyone around the lead comments on her poor damaged face /4

The funny thing is 80% of the time the scar is so small WE CANNOT SEE IT. It is truly invisible and I wonder if for the speed and sake of filming if they even bother to draw it on, or if they just 'theatre of the mind' it. The scar IS there if you just believe. /3

If a woman has a small scar - maybe an inch long and faded to white - she doesn't hide it with makeup, she hides her whole face behind a veil and is Ugly and Doomed to marry a terrible man (if anyone at all), until/unless someone cures it miraculously. /2

Spotify became my obscure nonesense finder because it did a really great job of finding me new artists I liked, the way I used to use Pandora for. I still miss the way LJ music sharing comms used to run though - they introduced me to so much good, new, weird music.

That would be fascinating yes! I'm so depressed Spotify is so argh! because I love seeing everyone's wrapped.
A funny one is my roomie: her account gets used at work for general background music for other people's events, so her wrapped is ALL over the place and cannot be trusted.

But the rest of my body does not want me doing something physical all day every day, so I pay for it. (Conventions I get through with meds, spite, adrenaline, friendship, and sleeping the week after)
It's a little like living a life constantly writing checks I can't quite cash.

I make it through the days with a LOT of caffeine, actual meds, naps, and a whole lot of specific coping strategies. Adding ADHD and depression into the mix with SAD does not help and winter months are the worst and then some. It's much easier if I am being active all day - movement helps -