They'll be way overpriced and nothing will work.

I know people who have spent countless hours in therapy learning how to be at peace about everything. They act like anger is a defect to be conquored. I refuse. I will, in fact, die mad about it.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Yeah, that coke bender he was on last night is taking its toll.

I'm just jealous.

Let’s see them try it.

Because every 80 years the people who remember what it was like the last time we lost our damn minds are mostly dead, and we have to learn everything the hard way again. It turns out that we're all doomed to repeat history whether we know it or not.

I'm conflicted. I think I want it to reflect what we've endured, not restored to what it was before. I'm leaning toward a crazy collection of wildflowers from all over the country. My one vote from Colorado is for low-water zero-scaping.

Pardons make him $$$. It's that simple.

Kids and dementia patients are often very honest. That's because they have limited executive functioning.

This time last year, a family friend told me she voted for him because her groceries were expensive, the Democratic primary was concerning, and angsty progressive teens on TikTok annoyed her. I was expected to take this seriously. I nuked my FB account without even flouncing and never looked back.

With any regular person, this would be elder abuse. He should be resting at home and telling his grandkids about his life. I did my best to make my father comfortable when he was like this. But Trump raped kids in his prime, so I hope he's in a lot of pain.

My 89-year-old father looked better than this hours before he died, while he was on life support. I swear to fucking Odin, I'm not lying.

Are you volunteering to organize this revolt?

Whenever I hear about a mass shooting, I assume the shooter is a terminally online white man in his 20s. I'm right 98% of the time.

Keep an eye on that dude. He ain't right.

I used to be a journalist. I kept a special file for the prisoners who wrote me 3-page rape threats in crayon. There were exactly two of them, which was weird given how utterly not-famous I was (and still am). Creepers gonna creep.

That’s because Bondi has 30 days. If she doesn’t deliver, it will be back in the news. There’s just nothing much to say until then.

He started celebrating Thanksgiving early.