Elijah J Brubaker
@elijahbrubaker.bsky.social
Professional jerk
I'm beginning to think the biggest prank people my age perpetrated on younger people is convincing them the Shawshank Redemption was a good movie. I've heard multiple people say it's their favorite movie. I don't argue but I assume they've only seen four movies.
August 27, 2025 at 1:34 PM
I'm beginning to think the biggest prank people my age perpetrated on younger people is convincing them the Shawshank Redemption was a good movie. I've heard multiple people say it's their favorite movie. I don't argue but I assume they've only seen four movies.
When we were teenagers, my gal and I had a tremendous fuck session in our too-open punk rock house. I came downstairs in my boxers. Fuckin' steve asked if we were done up there and I said I was but she was still working on it. Fucking Steve.
August 27, 2025 at 10:38 AM
When we were teenagers, my gal and I had a tremendous fuck session in our too-open punk rock house. I came downstairs in my boxers. Fuckin' steve asked if we were done up there and I said I was but she was still working on it. Fucking Steve.
I'm tempted to start my own hot sauce company but I worked for a small business last year and it was always a surprise when I told them I needed a paycheck. Every single time. I can see myself being that guy.
August 27, 2025 at 8:12 AM
I'm tempted to start my own hot sauce company but I worked for a small business last year and it was always a surprise when I told them I needed a paycheck. Every single time. I can see myself being that guy.
My knowledge of hot sauce is pretty vast but I still don't get why companies think it's a good idea to talk about buttholes on their packaging. Uncle dan's ass blaster fiery fuck you up sauce or whatever. You're making food, you disgusting fuckers.
August 27, 2025 at 7:26 AM
My knowledge of hot sauce is pretty vast but I still don't get why companies think it's a good idea to talk about buttholes on their packaging. Uncle dan's ass blaster fiery fuck you up sauce or whatever. You're making food, you disgusting fuckers.
I'm finishing up a comic page and I'm really proud of it. It's very simple and no normal person is going to care but I did some things that are pretty good comics-wise.
August 27, 2025 at 3:18 AM
I'm finishing up a comic page and I'm really proud of it. It's very simple and no normal person is going to care but I did some things that are pretty good comics-wise.
The movie Short Cuts really breaks me up. It's kind of a good movie but Raymond Carver is such a pacific northwest writer and the movie is such a los angeles movie. Even Julianne Moore's pubes can't save it for me.
August 27, 2025 at 12:55 AM
The movie Short Cuts really breaks me up. It's kind of a good movie but Raymond Carver is such a pacific northwest writer and the movie is such a los angeles movie. Even Julianne Moore's pubes can't save it for me.
My old work crush took some time off before I left. She needed the time to take care of her mom. If you want to get into my heart, take care of your mom. She also had some personality stuff I kinda liked and an ass like a honey bee.
August 26, 2025 at 5:35 PM
My old work crush took some time off before I left. She needed the time to take care of her mom. If you want to get into my heart, take care of your mom. She also had some personality stuff I kinda liked and an ass like a honey bee.
The wolverine (2013) I was always bummed out by the Wolverine-in-japan stuff. Not sure why, other than making it all exotic and magical. From what I gather, Japan is kind of a different world than what I know but hell, so is every other place...
August 26, 2025 at 12:56 PM
The wolverine (2013) I was always bummed out by the Wolverine-in-japan stuff. Not sure why, other than making it all exotic and magical. From what I gather, Japan is kind of a different world than what I know but hell, so is every other place...
All my high school buddies were pretty hardcore in different ways. A band friend I knew wrote a song about one of my very best friends. It had the line "I can meditate faster than you." It was one of those accurate observations where you say "ooh, dang."
August 26, 2025 at 12:06 PM
All my high school buddies were pretty hardcore in different ways. A band friend I knew wrote a song about one of my very best friends. It had the line "I can meditate faster than you." It was one of those accurate observations where you say "ooh, dang."
I used to pronounce it "comfterble" I know it wasn't correct but it was one of those words you just say all screwy. My ex girlfriend S- never corrected me but I noticed she said "comfortable" with a degree of elocution and now I think about it every time I say the word.
August 25, 2025 at 11:28 PM
I used to pronounce it "comfterble" I know it wasn't correct but it was one of those words you just say all screwy. My ex girlfriend S- never corrected me but I noticed she said "comfortable" with a degree of elocution and now I think about it every time I say the word.
If I stopped buying products because I don't like a company's politics, I'd never buy anything. Therefore I was like, "let's try this out"
Thumbs fucking down dude. This is straight-up thousand island dressing with two spoons of sugar. I can't imagine what this would be good for. It's very bad.
Thumbs fucking down dude. This is straight-up thousand island dressing with two spoons of sugar. I can't imagine what this would be good for. It's very bad.
August 25, 2025 at 8:22 PM
If I stopped buying products because I don't like a company's politics, I'd never buy anything. Therefore I was like, "let's try this out"
Thumbs fucking down dude. This is straight-up thousand island dressing with two spoons of sugar. I can't imagine what this would be good for. It's very bad.
Thumbs fucking down dude. This is straight-up thousand island dressing with two spoons of sugar. I can't imagine what this would be good for. It's very bad.
It's monday morning motherfuckers. The goal is to letter these comics and apply for six jobs. I only applied to three jobs all last week and it was a bust so I'm trying to stay in cheerleader mode and chanting "pay... my rent, pay pay my rent!"
August 25, 2025 at 10:36 AM
It's monday morning motherfuckers. The goal is to letter these comics and apply for six jobs. I only applied to three jobs all last week and it was a bust so I'm trying to stay in cheerleader mode and chanting "pay... my rent, pay pay my rent!"
Oof. Instagerm was kinda useful for a little while but it, like the rest of the internet, has just become a factory for commercials. It's like watching tv in the 80's. "Don't worry you dumb shitheads, you'll get to see these muppets if you can sit through an ad for campbell's soup"
August 25, 2025 at 1:20 AM
Oof. Instagerm was kinda useful for a little while but it, like the rest of the internet, has just become a factory for commercials. It's like watching tv in the 80's. "Don't worry you dumb shitheads, you'll get to see these muppets if you can sit through an ad for campbell's soup"
I know two hailees and a kailee. I don't want to generalize but if you even know one hailee, you're probably going to end up as the victim in a true-crime podcast.
August 24, 2025 at 9:28 PM
I know two hailees and a kailee. I don't want to generalize but if you even know one hailee, you're probably going to end up as the victim in a true-crime podcast.
Whenever someone tells me some idiosyncratic thing they do, I usually respond "man, that's weird as fuck" it's always meant as a compliment but lots of people don't hear it that way.
August 24, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Whenever someone tells me some idiosyncratic thing they do, I usually respond "man, that's weird as fuck" it's always meant as a compliment but lots of people don't hear it that way.
Last year, during a time I thought I could afford it, i bought a small tv and game console (I'm not a game guy but i like fallout 4)
Today, someone put a tv out by our dumpster and it fucking works! It's like, a normal sized tv but for me it's enormous. I feel like I found money or something.
Today, someone put a tv out by our dumpster and it fucking works! It's like, a normal sized tv but for me it's enormous. I feel like I found money or something.
August 24, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Last year, during a time I thought I could afford it, i bought a small tv and game console (I'm not a game guy but i like fallout 4)
Today, someone put a tv out by our dumpster and it fucking works! It's like, a normal sized tv but for me it's enormous. I feel like I found money or something.
Today, someone put a tv out by our dumpster and it fucking works! It's like, a normal sized tv but for me it's enormous. I feel like I found money or something.
Room mate and I don't really get along so I don't often have good stories but one time, early on, a dude just walked into our house. I was in the kitchen and room mate was playing with the cat... we both reacted like "hey, how's it going?"
August 24, 2025 at 5:54 AM
Room mate and I don't really get along so I don't often have good stories but one time, early on, a dude just walked into our house. I was in the kitchen and room mate was playing with the cat... we both reacted like "hey, how's it going?"
Everyone always says "i see dead people" as a reference to the 6th Sense but I like to say "c'mon I'll show you where my dad keeps his gun" then turn around and, with my hand, make a gesture like the back of my head is blown out.
Not many people get what I'm doing but they still kinda chuckle at it
Not many people get what I'm doing but they still kinda chuckle at it
August 23, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Everyone always says "i see dead people" as a reference to the 6th Sense but I like to say "c'mon I'll show you where my dad keeps his gun" then turn around and, with my hand, make a gesture like the back of my head is blown out.
Not many people get what I'm doing but they still kinda chuckle at it
Not many people get what I'm doing but they still kinda chuckle at it
I considered introducing my two barfly friends. They are both loud, obnoxious and flirty. it would immediately turn into a tumultuous drunk romance and that's funny to me. Then I realized I might be the devil.
August 22, 2025 at 10:51 PM
I considered introducing my two barfly friends. They are both loud, obnoxious and flirty. it would immediately turn into a tumultuous drunk romance and that's funny to me. Then I realized I might be the devil.
Steven Wright is still one of my favorites. it's not like he's under rated or whatever but the dude is just fucking funny.
"Dennis was a friend of mine, he died breaking a wish bone. No one knows if it was an accident or a suicide. no one knows what he was wishing for."
"Dennis was a friend of mine, he died breaking a wish bone. No one knows if it was an accident or a suicide. no one knows what he was wishing for."
August 22, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Steven Wright is still one of my favorites. it's not like he's under rated or whatever but the dude is just fucking funny.
"Dennis was a friend of mine, he died breaking a wish bone. No one knows if it was an accident or a suicide. no one knows what he was wishing for."
"Dennis was a friend of mine, he died breaking a wish bone. No one knows if it was an accident or a suicide. no one knows what he was wishing for."
Anytime I make food, tango sits in a specific spot, waiting for treats. I don't always make tango-food though, so he gets this a lot.
He doesn't deserve it. He's the most polite little guy in the world but it's always funny to flip off pets or babies.
He doesn't deserve it. He's the most polite little guy in the world but it's always funny to flip off pets or babies.
August 22, 2025 at 10:53 AM
Anytime I make food, tango sits in a specific spot, waiting for treats. I don't always make tango-food though, so he gets this a lot.
He doesn't deserve it. He's the most polite little guy in the world but it's always funny to flip off pets or babies.
He doesn't deserve it. He's the most polite little guy in the world but it's always funny to flip off pets or babies.
Oh cool, they're making video podcasts now. With ad breaks and everything. We used to call that TV.
Totally sure I'm not the first person to make that observation but it's gone from a cool DIY sorta egalitarian medium to just more tv.
Totally sure I'm not the first person to make that observation but it's gone from a cool DIY sorta egalitarian medium to just more tv.
August 22, 2025 at 10:04 AM
Oh cool, they're making video podcasts now. With ad breaks and everything. We used to call that TV.
Totally sure I'm not the first person to make that observation but it's gone from a cool DIY sorta egalitarian medium to just more tv.
Totally sure I'm not the first person to make that observation but it's gone from a cool DIY sorta egalitarian medium to just more tv.
I used to just shave my head because it's easier but I've had this dumb mohawk kinda thing for a few years and it grows straight-up like a troll doll. Cute girl at work asked me, "does your hair just... do that?"
August 21, 2025 at 5:00 PM
I used to just shave my head because it's easier but I've had this dumb mohawk kinda thing for a few years and it grows straight-up like a troll doll. Cute girl at work asked me, "does your hair just... do that?"
I don't have my thumbnails anymore but I had an idea for a 22 page superhero comic where the writing seemed like it was translated into a foreign language, then back into english.
"I, a woman, blind since birth, has never known the touch of human love."
22 pages of stuff like that.
"I, a woman, blind since birth, has never known the touch of human love."
22 pages of stuff like that.
August 21, 2025 at 2:27 PM
I don't have my thumbnails anymore but I had an idea for a 22 page superhero comic where the writing seemed like it was translated into a foreign language, then back into english.
"I, a woman, blind since birth, has never known the touch of human love."
22 pages of stuff like that.
"I, a woman, blind since birth, has never known the touch of human love."
22 pages of stuff like that.
As a person that has never wanted to make a baby and never has, I have so many thoughts about sex and reproduction. It's maybe one of the few things I could talk about and sound like I'm smart.
August 21, 2025 at 3:13 AM
As a person that has never wanted to make a baby and never has, I have so many thoughts about sex and reproduction. It's maybe one of the few things I could talk about and sound like I'm smart.