this time is for real
and ihopeyou will understand it

i just want to hug them and never let go

i cant stop crying

i dont deserve them

feeling very transparent and replaceable rn, like im slowly fading out of the background. hurts a lot more than i know how to say

i go through the motions, wear a smile, say the right things, while something inside me stays untouched and unreachable, rotting little by little, fading away as i write this
its like being trapped in a waiting room of life,not gone, not whole, just suspended..
this room feels like an infinite limbo

"do you need anything?
we can try to send you stuff soon"
maybe i just need a hug..
for someone to see me

why is it so hard to reach out, to talk to me, to be here when i need to talk
feels like i only get pity and a "we believe in you"