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Reposted by Emma Sutton

Nicole Filippone, Autistic Advocate & Author @sensorystories.bsky.social · 12h

Rigid thinking is not a universal autistic trait. In fact, some autistic people are more cognitively flexible than most nonautistic people.

So why is cognitive rigidity mentioned in the autism section of the DSM?

Here's my take...

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 6h

Neither of them show the slightest interest in learning anything & I've no idea how to build that desire in ND brains starved of dopamine etc

They're too busy struggling with social stuff, mental health, bullying, sensory overwhelm, puberty, friendships

There's precious little help

(End)

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 6h

My kids feel safe at home.
They trust me.

In lockdown we soon found I couldn't be "Mum" and "teacher". It was damaging to their one safe place & safe trusted person

Plus
I don't have the skills/ experience to know how to create the sort of learning that suits their brains

(It's complex)

2/3

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 6h

The most common response I get when I say my children aren't in school

"Do you homeschool then?"

Um... Short answer "no"

Long answer "my children's social, emotional needs & neurodivergent brains, plus their need to have a safe place they don't mask, means I can't pollute home with school"

1/3

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

It's hard to have hope as my daughter has been let down for years

My son's attendance is heading to about 25% and most of that isn't in lessons

If he could get expelled, he'd get specialist school quicker

Time to apply for an EHCP...

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

I find it "want to throw up" anxiety inducing in me

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

Where is the training for neurotypical children to accept, embrace and welcome neurodiverse children??

My AuDHD children have been excluded, bullied, denied their experience, silenced, marginalised, punched, set upon & worse.

Until inclusion starts with their peers, then there is no such thing.

Kylie @kyliemmason.com · 1d

Really struggling today with the fact that Autistic kids are 'encouraged' to get various kinds of therapy to help with social skills yet non-Autistic kids can be vicious little arseholes to anyone who's different and that's just 'normal'.

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

In the car, driving to school...

Five minutes from home

"I can't go in"

I know there's nothing I can say
Because I can't change his mind, his experience, his wiring, how school is for him

I want to sob (I cry a little)
I wish I knew what to do.

We turnaround.
He smiles.

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

These last minutes....

"Time to go" not too loud, too urgent (even though my urge to be on-time is having a proper hissy fit)

No response
And breathe
"Just going to the loo"

Even once we're in the car, things can happen that means we turn around and come home (like his friend saying he's not in)

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

I ask him what snacks he'd like in his rucksack

"I don't know"

He's on the edge and I choose for him. On a better day he'll choose what I pack but not today.

My heart aches that this is so hard for him. That school is fear, panic, anxiety.

This world is not inclusive, AuDHD is not embraced.

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

The school-refusal dance

Will they/ won't they?
Tip toeing around potential land mines that ensure he won't go
Leaving it to the last minute to check if he's dressed
Too many nudges, tip him over

I hear movement in his bedroom - we might make it

These last ten minutes are crucial
#AuDHD life

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 1d

Big Emotions Monday
Youngest = school refusal = "go away"
Eldest = out of spoons before I woke her at 1.30pm for specialist school visit = "go away" at volume

Shouting, sullenness, anxiety, fear - it ripples off the kids & into me....

I don't want to, but I feel their pain
It's hard to bear

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 2d

I'm with the Boomtown Rats re: Mondays

They have been routinely the most emotionally charged, soul destroying day of the week since term began

Predictably awful is not how I want my week to begin (might officially start it on Sundays)

Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 2d

It's all useful - I'm on a bitesize learning curve as my brain's easily overwhelmed

We've only recently joined the dots re: autism & ADHD (last two years) and son not yet diagnosed

Masking for my daughter was going on for 5 years (we knew she was masking way before we knew she was AuDHD)

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 2d

A gig or theatre trip?
A skydive or Go Ape experience?
An afternoon tea at a castle?

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Reposted by Emma Sutton

Special Needs Jungle @spcialndsjungle.bsky.social · 2d

EastEnders' Kellie Bright on the challenges of being a SEND parent. We were pleased to help with research for this BBC Panorama documentary. But never forget—NONE of the crisis is families’ fault and SNJ will keep holding those responsible to account
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/...

EastEnders' Kellie Bright on the challenges of being a Send parent

The soap actor meets families fighting for their children’s education for BBC Panorama.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 3d

And I mostly can only deduce that by asking - they have little ability to disguise the truth

It's odd to me (still learning the nuances of AuDHD) that they mask convincingly in some situations (fooling many) but struggle to lie convincingly when asked a direct, unambiguous question

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 3d

I never realised how much of my communication was imprecise, unclear, vague or dishonest until my children came to point it out

AuDHD children hold me to a higher standard, because they point out / take advantage of all the loopholes in my words

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 3d

It is. Often speech/ texting is vague or unclear, either deliberately (when we build in wiggle room) or accidentally.

My teens need a yes or a no.
My daughter told me that my "maybe" always meant "no" when she was about six.

We get lazy with words until someone needs precision

#AuDHD

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 3d

It's also checking how often they feel I "promised" aka committed 1000% when I was simply open to the idea and didn't give a firm refusal

This is typical
Teen: You promised
Me: When? What exactly did I say?
Teen: You said you'd get me new shoes
Me: Is that a promise or just an intention?

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 3d

Having AuDHD teens means constantly checking how my words could be interpreted

Me: I'll do it after tea (vaguely between tea & bed)
Teen: now? (The second my fork goes down)

Me: did you eat the last cookie last night?
Teen: nope (they ate it earlier/ they ate all of them not just the last)

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Reposted by Emma Sutton

Radically Sunny @radicallysunny.bsky.social · 5d

Art is by @katieababy

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 5d

No he's not - he's undergoing diagnosis and then the waiting list is months (9 so far for my daughter)....

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 5d

It's good to talk to people who don't just give me standard parenting advice that I know won't work

Thanks

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Emma Sutton @emmalgsutton.bsky.social · 5d

It's hard as he often ends up in town begging for money for food - it's hard to manage at a distance

But it's getting £££ & his expectations are "wagu steak & KFC daily" when the budget is more like "pound bakery"

I think I need to be able to manage his reaction to "no" better

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