It’s crazy how we all agreed to say “thermometer” like “thur-MOM-eter” when it clearly should have been said like “thermo-meter”.

When you have a newborn, everyone says “sleep when they sleep”.

Great idea, now who’s gonna keep watch for the raiding bands of orcs??

Someone’s gotta keep watch.

THE RIFF is back on 2/28 @ 7:30pm @ Imposters Theater! Join us as our musical guest, Ryan's Amazing Spectacular inspires improv scenes!

Tickets here: www.imposterstheater.com/schedule/the...

Variety is the spice of life. Except for when you go to Chipotle. Then it’s “I’m going to eat this one exact thing for the rest of my life”.

O Holy Night Is Close Encounters and Carol of the Bells is Uncut Gems

“The Sanctuary, where good things happen”. That’s a bad catchphrase, it’s not catching on Jeff! #survivor

Starburst is essentially just “Taffy if it was good”

Fantastic W for the Cavs tonight. However, that ending is painful as hell. The NBA needs to do something about the “intentional foul meta”. It sucks for the sport that a close game ends with a slow series of free throws.

An alt idea…the fouling player is taken off the court for a minute.

Not sure how anyone beats this Celtics team in a 7-game series. Tons of mismatches in the pick and roll, and you’re forced to switch every time because every single player can shoot the 3. So either it’s an open 3 or you’ve got a guard defending a big down low.

Cavs offense looks so rough right now. Nothing is coming easy.

I love the morality in Willy Wonka. It teaches us to not overeat, to not watch too much TV, and to not…… chew too much gum?

Absolutely despise FanDuel sports streaming app. I can’t believe they’ve gotten me to this point, but I would actually prefer commercials to this weird, black and white montage stuff during the breaks. It feels so ominous and liminal. Is that a good vibe for watching sports??

When Niang is off, he is so off. He just like me