King of epigraphs

It’s criminal how normalized sweetened vanilla almond milk is in the grocery aisle. They present it like it’s the default way for a milk to be

I recently participated in an Outdoor Yoga session where I kept wanting to swat at my legs and I was like “No, I need to be Mindful and Present” but it was ants

It’s cyclostome lol

Happy birthday !!

I will say the last time I was at a graduation they said “Ok after your graduate’s name is called you can cheer and go wild and get as loud as you can for TWO SECONDS” and it worked remarkably well

JOKE EXPLAINED:
1) The gardeners’ complaints are indicative of a widespread pollinator crisis.
2) Monarchs host exclusively on milkweed, which is toxic to humans.
3) The speaker is saying that widespread ecosystem collapse makes her want to cause herself harm.

I am so so sorry about your ankle and your Madewell jeans wtf!!!!!

Congratulations <3

The US military industrial complex will wither away if someone’s not there to play the piccolo part in Stars and Stripes