Fake Dispatch
@fakedispatch.bsky.social
I am your resource for fake news that's real and real fake news.
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Buy my book! https://www.amazon.com/Nobody-Told-Me-Passable-Parenting/dp/B0DHKZJTQB
Crypto mogul Do Kwon sentenced to 15 years in prison for $40 billion Stablecoin fraud. Authorities are unsure if Trump will pardon him the day before or the day after he starts his sentence.
December 13, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Crypto mogul Do Kwon sentenced to 15 years in prison for $40 billion Stablecoin fraud. Authorities are unsure if Trump will pardon him the day before or the day after he starts his sentence.
If someone says you have a punchable face, they aren't talking about your face.
December 13, 2025 at 3:13 AM
If someone says you have a punchable face, they aren't talking about your face.
I, for one, welcome our AI overlords.
December 13, 2025 at 2:01 AM
I, for one, welcome our AI overlords.
For every Data Center built, they need to build a local shelter capable of housing 100 people for 10 years.
December 11, 2025 at 1:43 AM
For every Data Center built, they need to build a local shelter capable of housing 100 people for 10 years.
NOON GOD!
YOU CHASE OFF THE NON-BELIEVERS!
SEE HOW THEY RUN TO NEW NETWORKS!
WE REMAIN EVER VIGILANT IN YOUR PRESENCE.
GUIDE US TO SALVATION!!!
NOON GOD IS SILENT.
YOU CHASE OFF THE NON-BELIEVERS!
SEE HOW THEY RUN TO NEW NETWORKS!
WE REMAIN EVER VIGILANT IN YOUR PRESENCE.
GUIDE US TO SALVATION!!!
NOON GOD IS SILENT.
December 10, 2025 at 5:01 PM
NOON GOD!
YOU CHASE OFF THE NON-BELIEVERS!
SEE HOW THEY RUN TO NEW NETWORKS!
WE REMAIN EVER VIGILANT IN YOUR PRESENCE.
GUIDE US TO SALVATION!!!
NOON GOD IS SILENT.
YOU CHASE OFF THE NON-BELIEVERS!
SEE HOW THEY RUN TO NEW NETWORKS!
WE REMAIN EVER VIGILANT IN YOUR PRESENCE.
GUIDE US TO SALVATION!!!
NOON GOD IS SILENT.
Notre Dame walks in a bar.
All 12 seats at the bar are taken with several booth seats available.
Notre Dame, "Barkeep! We are Notre Dame! We demand a seat at the bar."
Bartender, "Take a booth seat or fuck off."
Notre Dame, "My fan base are going to beat you up!" and runs out of the bar crying.
All 12 seats at the bar are taken with several booth seats available.
Notre Dame, "Barkeep! We are Notre Dame! We demand a seat at the bar."
Bartender, "Take a booth seat or fuck off."
Notre Dame, "My fan base are going to beat you up!" and runs out of the bar crying.
December 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Notre Dame walks in a bar.
All 12 seats at the bar are taken with several booth seats available.
Notre Dame, "Barkeep! We are Notre Dame! We demand a seat at the bar."
Bartender, "Take a booth seat or fuck off."
Notre Dame, "My fan base are going to beat you up!" and runs out of the bar crying.
All 12 seats at the bar are taken with several booth seats available.
Notre Dame, "Barkeep! We are Notre Dame! We demand a seat at the bar."
Bartender, "Take a booth seat or fuck off."
Notre Dame, "My fan base are going to beat you up!" and runs out of the bar crying.
Delicious Notre Dame tears.
December 7, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Delicious Notre Dame tears.
Michigan had 6, too.
December 7, 2025 at 2:33 AM
Michigan had 6, too.
The Indiana coach reminds me of Tippy Turtle.
December 7, 2025 at 1:59 AM
The Indiana coach reminds me of Tippy Turtle.
Notre Dame sucks.
December 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Notre Dame sucks.
Woman given four years to live in December of 2024 says she feels like she's already lived 20 years in Trump time.
December 5, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Woman given four years to live in December of 2024 says she feels like she's already lived 20 years in Trump time.
Guy next to me at BW3 is going to do a hot wing challenge. I assume this will not go well. There will be regret.
December 5, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Guy next to me at BW3 is going to do a hot wing challenge. I assume this will not go well. There will be regret.
BREAKING: Pantone's color of the year is Cloud Dancer.
Pantone's color of the year, translated for dudes, is White.
Pantone's color of the year, translated for dudes, is White.
December 5, 2025 at 12:19 PM
BREAKING: Pantone's color of the year is Cloud Dancer.
Pantone's color of the year, translated for dudes, is White.
Pantone's color of the year, translated for dudes, is White.
Well, shit... I didn't think I knew what nonplussed meant and then I learned I was wrong and right.
December 5, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Well, shit... I didn't think I knew what nonplussed meant and then I learned I was wrong and right.
The Michigan football team walks in a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, you know that game's not over yet?"
The Michigan football team says, "We don't think it matters if we are on the field or not, so give us a drink."
The bartender says, "Hey, you know that game's not over yet?"
The Michigan football team says, "We don't think it matters if we are on the field or not, so give us a drink."
November 29, 2025 at 8:09 PM
The Michigan football team walks in a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, you know that game's not over yet?"
The Michigan football team says, "We don't think it matters if we are on the field or not, so give us a drink."
The bartender says, "Hey, you know that game's not over yet?"
The Michigan football team says, "We don't think it matters if we are on the field or not, so give us a drink."
At least Michigan's punt could make it past the first down marker.
November 29, 2025 at 7:25 PM
At least Michigan's punt could make it past the first down marker.
Reposted by Fake Dispatch
White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby
White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby
WASHINGTON—Describing the practice as a “fun little side project” rather than an occupation, Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced Monday that nursing would be reclassified as a hobby under new ...
theonion.com
November 29, 2025 at 7:00 PM
White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby
Ohio State fans: a.co/d/dv1QvWQ
Amazon.com: Philips HeartStart Home AED Defibrillator with Slim Carry Case, M5068A-C01 : Health & Household
Buy Philips HeartStart Home AED Defibrillator with Slim Carry Case, M5068A-C01: Defibrillators - Amazon.com ✓ FREE DELIVERY possible on eligible purchases
a.co
November 29, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Ohio State fans: a.co/d/dv1QvWQ
A friendly reminder that there is nothing you can do from home that will change the outcome of a football game.
November 29, 2025 at 3:27 PM
A friendly reminder that there is nothing you can do from home that will change the outcome of a football game.
TIL: JD Vance's parents don't know how to cook a turkey.
November 27, 2025 at 7:36 PM
TIL: JD Vance's parents don't know how to cook a turkey.
Only the uneducated boo.
November 22, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Only the uneducated boo.
Reposted by Fake Dispatch
The hellscape of the Hocking headwaters. The birthplace of our very own confederate crushing Gen. Wm. T. Sherman. The *other* Glass City. Lancaster!!!
November 22, 2025 at 2:54 AM
The hellscape of the Hocking headwaters. The birthplace of our very own confederate crushing Gen. Wm. T. Sherman. The *other* Glass City. Lancaster!!!
Reposted by Fake Dispatch
No solar panels. Only measles
November 22, 2025 at 3:53 AM
No solar panels. Only measles
Name the only city that has a Max & Erma's and Rax.
November 21, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Name the only city that has a Max & Erma's and Rax.