I bet it was Tom Cruise

I bet it was Tom Cruise

Jar Jar Stinks

I'd probably just have had some comfort food in my pyjamas, but we all deal with adversity in our own way.

That hairy little cunt has done it again

That hairy little cunt has done it again

What's wrong babe? You've barely glanced at your Sports Direct Cremation Urn

Got locked out of my own house. While waiting on a locksmith, my dog was inside and ate a pie I had cooling on the kitchen table, then proceeded to projectile vomit over my new rug. After paying the locksmith an eye-watering sum, I remembered I had a spare key under a flowerpot.

After a frenzied lovemaking session back at my Tinder date's penthouse apartment, a blur of limbs, sweat and guttural screams, I switch on the light only to find that I have inadvertently jizzed all over the duvet face of her dead grandmother.

I think she might be the one.

Breathtaking levels of cognitive dissonance from the coward who abandoned women in order to assuage men.

What's wrong babe? You've barely glanced at your Sports Direct Cremation Urn